sometimes i feel like a grey sheep in a herd of black and white sheep. everyone has their own role, except me. it’s that same way with the university library cubicles, and the high school lunch tables, and the middle school classroom seats, and the elementary school friendship bracelets, and way back in my childhood and how every one of my siblings had their other pair. i was just the supporting character, not even a side character who gets their own story explored, just a support beam. and perhaps i turned out this way because when i was 5 a girl didn’t give me a grape from her lunchbox at kindergarten. or maybe it’s because everyone is born with a dark, endless pit that makes them feel terrible and overwhelmed and they all had it removed at birth except me, who’s already built a sentimental attachment to the negativity once they find this darkness. but maybe it’s just because public spaces are made to be awkward only for me and no one else. how come everyone knows where to sit in the bus, and what to chant at the football game, and what makeup to put at prom?
- unsent letter 29/03/2022