maybe it’s a bit brash to just say that outright, but he doesn’t. he experiences love, yes, but he doesn’t know how to love someone right. he’s distant from the lack of social stimulation as a child, he’s moody and selfish, he’s prudish and pretentious. he wouldn’t really know what to do in a long-lasting relationship unless that person was okay with him being distant and struggling to maintain affection.
as an adult in the unbreakable arc he’s broken a few hearts that way -- just... not knowing how to cope with someone needing his attention in a way that no one has ever wanted it before.
this is mostly because he never really was needed before the crusaders arc. no one had to have him around; in fact most people didn’t. so the fact that someone would want to have a romantic, deep, fulfilling relationship with him is beyond him.
he’s not used to it and he’s not super willing to change who he is.
kakyoin’s parents were loving. they wanted what was best for him. they made sure he never failed a class and that he stayed healthy, they made sure he ate his vegetables and washed behind his ears.
but they weren’t good parents.
kakyoin wasn’t a very social child to begin with; even before hierophant green manifested itself, he was quiet and shy. he hung around his parent’s legs, he lagged behind the other toddlers, he already showed an affinity for bugs and nature and so rather than trying to make friends, he would play in the dirt.
when hierophant finally showed itself, things only got worse.
kakyoin was suddenly isolated; seeing himself as significantly different from every other child in his class. he still tried, of course, to be friendly. but no one understood the floating green snakelike humanoid that floated beside him and grabbed things from high places, or caught him when he fell.
kakyoin’s love for bugs and his standoffish behavior brought around a good amount of bullying, both emotional and physical. people would make fun of him, people would invite him places as a joke. he’d get pushed into the mud at school because if he was just going to play with worms, he might as well be one.
kakyoin’s parents slowly became less concerned and more exasperated every time kakyoin came home with his middle school uniform covered in mud. he started washing his own laundry to avoid his mother’s sigh of “not again...” as she went through the process of grass-and-soil stain removal. he quickly learned self sufficiency.
his parents often spoke about him behind his back, when they think he didn’t hear; where did we go wrong? we raised him as best we could, papa, there’s nothing else we can do. but does that make us bad parents? no, of course not, it’s not our fault our son is...
( he’d stop listening after that. )
with his parent’s increasingly neglectful behavior towards their well-behaved, but miserable son, as well as the overhanging danger kakyoin felt in his own class, he began to wonder;
was it his fault?
after all, his parents did not ask for an antisocial child. it’s not their fault kakyoin is lonely and isn’t willing to try and make friends.
but then, was it his classmate’s fault?
no. they were normal. they didn’t have floating men and strange powers, they couldn’t see hierophant. he was the minority. it wasn’t their fault they couldn’t understand his quirks.
it was his fault, then. it was his fault for being strange and for being the way he was. it was his fault for not knowing better to change and to try and hide hierophant.
he locked himself in his parent’s garden to catch fireflies instead of passing notes in class. he would skip dinner to see how his ant farm was doing. he stopped answering the phone for his parents because he was tired of the harried “noriaki, hand it to me, please” because his parents were ashamed of him.
instead of trying to improve, kakyoin worked around it; worked alone, learned how to draw, studied by himself in his room, played video games until his eyes stung.
no one expected any different, and he’d missed the opportunity to change.
THE VOICE QUICKLY CATCHES HIS ATTENTION (it’s unfamiliar!! He loved it when people were unfamiliar! It meant that they hadn’t had the chance yet to become acquainted with Kosaku for the terribly boring man he was. He always thought that, when meeting new people, it would give him the chance to make an interesting impression…… & naturally, he always failed. This encounter would prove to be no exception.)
“OH……… it’s easy to get lost around here……” ( ‘ HOW COULD YOU GET LOST IN MORIOH?! ‘ ) “…..I’ll help you, sure…….. there are a few cafes around here; there’s…. well, there’s Tonio Trussardi’s….. there’s the Tea Garden….. ah, & I believe Panera Bread, from America, was installed around here recently….. I like the Tea Garden, personally. It’s very…. quiet…….
“SORRY; I’m rambling. The one nearest here is Tonio’s, but I warn you, it’s pricey.” He certainly wasn’t granted the luxury of eating there, at least not regularly. For half a second, he contemplated life as a delinquent: he could easily knock this guy out & steal his wallet, he thought, & be a few thousand yen richer, possibly. Half a second later, however, his conscience wouldn’t let him.
kakyoin, unfortunately, does have a tendency to always assume people are boring or at least disinterested in who he is or what he does. the whole ‘trying to make friends’ thing is a very foreign idea, even now into his late twenties. but still, he’s aware of the courtesies; he bows his head and paints a smile on his face.
“thank you, that will be fine. just somewhere to.. rest, recollect.” he says. as if to emphasize what he means, he pushes his sunglasses back into place. “i’ve heard good things about tonio’s.”
good, but peculiar -- several reports of a stand user working there under the guise of a chef perturbed kakyoin, but it seemed no one really cared that skin could be scratched off or eyes could melt when consuming trussardi delicacies.
“forgive me, but i do still need direction.” he continues. and then, interjects- “please, don’t give street signs. that will not help me.”
origamiaround
kianamaiart
izzy806
discoholicmusic
2087
theartofmadeline
