i felt so good after eating some shrimp cocktail soup today i went to the gym and burned more calories than i ate. rewarded myself with a frozen choco banana and still ended up with negative calories.
when i weighed myself this morning, i was 177 lbs, and i was happy but also kinda worried…
when u fast, ur body doesnt just eat fat, it eats muscle. my leg muscles have been feeling weird, and my legs are looking smaller. which i dont want bcs my legs are already freakishly small compared to the rest of my huge body, if i lose from there i will literally look like an apple on a stick. so i’ve gotta start going to the gym more and doing workouts that will keep my legs from atrophying while also burning fat from my huge pot belly…
didn’t update bcs my period has been miserable and i’ve mostly been sleeping all day, but that just made it easy to stay under 300 calories every day :)
weighed myself this morning and i’m 180 now, which means i’ve lost 10 lbs since august 24th! i’m so fucking happy, but i’m not going to update my cw yet bcs i know my night weight isn’t 180. still, it was so embarrassing to be 190, my highest weight ever, so i’m glad i’m glad that’s done.
(if you’re wondering why my sw is 185 and not 190, i officially restarted this blog september 1st, and by that time i had already lost 5 lbs)
its too close to midnight and i am too enraged to edit up a pink mfp log, so heres my summary (purposely leaving out details bcs i’d die if the friend mentioned somehow found this).
i ate literally TWO things today:
around 3 pm-ish i wanted to try something new, so i ate this on-the-go snack pack thing (220 cals). didn’t like it and didn’t finish it but i always log full calories regardless.
THEN a friend unexpectedly invites themselves over. and this friend has a bad habit of:
1. staying WAY too long (especially bcs i didnt invite them over in the first place). idk how they dont feel rude sticking around from the afternoon until LITERALLY JUST RIGHT NOW AT 11 PM WHEN ITS PITCH BLACK OUT EVEN IN SUMMER.
2. continuing to talk VERY loudly even when its late and they KNOW there are ppl trying to sleep in the house.
3. complaining about being hungry but also being too embarrassed to eat alone and wanting me to eat with them.
so when they said they were hungry i had to eat the same food as them (omitted for vagueness) which was 290 calories.
bringing my total up to 510 calories, WHEN MY GOAL WAS TO BE UNDER 500 NET CALS EVERY DAY UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
this wouldnt be so bad if i could just work them off at the gym, BUT OH WAIT they stayed so late I CANT go to the gym now without bothering my parents even more than they’re already bothered by this person being loud in the house at night!!! AAAAAAAAA
and yes, its only 10 calories. yes my Pacer app tells me i walked enough steps today to burn 30 calories and i didnt finish the whole snack pack so im almost certainly under 500 anyways. BUT ED BRAIN DOESN’T CARE. ED BRAIN IS FUMING. ED BRAIN SAYS STARVE TOMORROW AS PUNISHMENT.
so i’m doing another 36 hour fast even tho i JUST finished one today 🙃
(i love my friend dearly and i wish my brain wasn’t like this. and i also wish they knew how to tell when ppl want u to leave their house)
oops forgot to post my food log yesterday (i think the double dose of melatonin actually worked but im trying it again tonight to see if it was just a fluke) but i fasted so there are no calories to report. i feel so much better with an emptier stomach 💖
according to my calculations, if i keep my net calories under 500, i can be near 160 lbs by halloween. i doubt i’m going to dress up bcs thats still embarrassingly fat but the thought of being smaller by then is still nice…
cutting it too close to midnight to add my aesthetically edited mfp log here but in summary i had 859 calories and exercised 400 off. but i still feel enormously guilty about eating almost 900 calories of food so i might fast tomorrow 🙃
anyone else feel guilty when their total calories for the day is over 500 even when you exercise yourself way lower? i try to remind myself that its better this way to avoid ending up skinny fat but it’s not like my ed listens to reason 🤷🏻♀️
anyways, getting back in the gym felt amazinggg. i was so tired when i got home, i fell asleep immediately. just woke up a few minutes ago and remembered i hadn’t posted my diary but once i’m done, im going right tf back to sleep lol.
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