There was a thick fear tensing his shoulders as he held hard to the door handle, not letting it go until it had shut one hundred percent. Finally as the latch set in its place as silently as possible, Seleste breathed the stress from his lungs. He allowed there to be a moment of quiet in his head, allowing the events of the last 48 hours to leave his mind as he just enjoyed the silence of his darkened home.
After finally tip-toeing his way out of the hall in which the sleeping babe lay, he found his journey to his bedroom slower than usual, subdued somehow. He became distracted by the golden records and broken instruments that had long littered his brother’s house. For the first time ever, Seleste found himself even reading the song titles on the plaques, finding a sense of foreignness in the decor. For the first time ever, he felt like a stranger in his brother’s home. His home.
Running a hand through the long side of his hair he found his heart ache more than he could remember. Wishing he would be able to turn back for a moment and see his brother laying on the couch playing guitar and muttering a song like before. Instead the house seemed a dark reminder that he wasn’t sure of Drayden ever belonging to their home again. He could sure use his big brother’s advice right now. Even if it was awful, at least it would comfort him.
With a fried brain and a heavy heart, he simply moved on to his bedroom. He felt his shoulders knot once again as he readied to face what lay behind door number two. And once the door swung open, he immediately regretted looking.
“Gerritt, what the fuck, come on now,” Seleste paced quickly to where the smaller man was emptying his dresser drawers. Putting arms around him he tried to stop him. Tried to hold onto the idea that his husband was his to hold.
“Fuck off,” Gerritt snapped, it was obvious that the pink haired man had not fully stopped crying the entire day, but they both looked exhausted. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t leave your ass.” He spat, ripping himself from his husbands grip. He turned, feral, toward him, “Go on.”
“Gerritt you know I love you. Come on. You don’t really believe-”
“That you cheated on me?” Gerritt accused, his voice faltering in his pain. “I can do fucking math, Seleste. If the kid’s three months old and we’ve been married almost two years then it’s pretty fucking obvious what you’ve been up to on tour. Did you even consider actually being married to me or did you just fake all that shit you said at the alter so that you could say you owned me and then continue hooking up with the first person that complements you after a show?”
“That’s not how it was!” Seleste’s exhaustion got the better of him as he raised his voice to the other, “You know these past few months have been hard for me! I don’t have a band, my brother’s God knows where! Maybe dead, who fucking knows at this point? And you’ve been here beside me this whole time. You’ve helped me through all of it and I love you. You really want to throw that all away because of one mistake over a year ago?”
“This past couple of months has been hard for everyone Seleste. You think me and Brandy weren’t hurt when Drayden decided he needed to go Find Himself™ because his friends and family weren’t fucking enough for him? You really think Kapitol and your brother’s daughter aren’t struggling with the idea that her dad isn’t coming home? And it took all that for you to even realize I was a good investment in the first place? Why bother marrying me then? Why not just use me and dump me like your idiot brother, huh?” Gerritt pushed open palms on the older’s chest, pain in his eyes and anger on his lips. “Tell me!”
“Come on like you didn’t even expect it!” Seleste stood to his physical challenge, becoming a wall to tower over his shorter partner, “We were both fucking different two years ago! How many times did you cheat on me before we got married? I know you cheated on everyone else with me! Once a cheater always a cheater.” He snapped, challenging the man at his face. Then he paused.
“Gerritt,” Seleste spoke softer after a heavy pause, realizing that this pain in his lovers face was more than every pain he’d caused him before.
Gerritt stared into blue eyes with green, a blank look settling onto his face as his jaw locked into place. “No. Your right.”
“Gerritt, please,” Seleste could feel his throat lock up as his partner closed the small suitcase he’d been packing and swung it off the bed, heading for the door without hesitation.
He couldn’t think of a word that could make this better. Not one. So he watched him leave. Feeling a gripping darkness overcome him he realized he’d laid down on the floor. A circling thought ran through his head over and over and over. Alone, it said. All alone.
The infant’s crying could be heard from down the hall.
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