I like to write. Btw, journaling is something I highly recommend.
About me: I self-accepted as a trans woman in 2021 and began transitioning medically and socially at the start of 2022. We all do it differently, but I essentially just flipped the switch and went 24/7 overnight on the first day of my transition and never looked back.
Through boredom or, perhaps, curiosity I returned here in December 2025 to take a look around at a place where I’d spent several years before my ‘hatch’. I'd been booted during the 'great purge' on Tumblr in 2020 and it was the best thing that ever happened. Maybe I wanted to feel the old magic of massive reactions to my posts, though. But those were confused, mostly lost years (between 2015 and 2020) when my content featured tons of stereotypes and what I recognize now as misogyny in many cases. I came back with fairly pure intentions (Maybe I missed my old role of dominatrix which I just can’t get into anymore. I’d never want to force anyone to do anything or shame them. That was an old persona and it’s just not me anymore) and then an old superfan contacted me and sent me my old Tumblr archives from 2016 to 2020 from when I still didn’t even know I was a trans. It was surreal for me to see my progress so clearly in this massive trove of 5,000 captions. There was a discernable arc; early captions from 2015 to 2018 were so very stereotypical and sexist and highly sexualized and they equated being trans and being a woman with weakness. Gross. By 2019-2020 the trend in my content was MUCH more affirming and sought to encourage transwomen to live their truth and transition (even though I somehow didn't even know I was trans yet! My soul must have known). Still, when I returned and was sent the old captions, I started reposting EVERYTHING from those old archives which was a mistake. I should have deleted the poisonous stuff. It just didn’t feel right or fair after a while to spread it all over again as an out and proud transwoman. I mean, it was wonderful having 100,000 followers way back then and I could do it again by, but I won’t do it at the cost of my soul. The same holds true for my old ‘sissy’ erotica short stories which were read by 1.5 million people on Fictionmania in those days (I’ve only left 5 of those stories up at that site out of 100 because they are fairly sweet ones). I could write and post those kinds of stories again, but I won't. I hope I was never a harmful influence with either my captions here or my fiction there. I like to think that I have helped more people than I've harmed. My writing is actually what led directly to me finally hatching, though, so I have mixed feelings about those days. It was just part of my growth as a human. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for not knowing then what we know now. And when we make mistakes now, we fix them as soon as we become aware. That's growth.
Now that I’ve looked back into my past, I am only looking forward.
I am resolved. I won’t spread harmful stereotypes. I’ve just spent several days/hours ‘scrubbing’ over 4,000 captions I’d reposted over the last 8 months. I am only interested in positive content for transwomen. My goal is to empower those who are transitioning, especially if they are earlier in their journey than me (but not too early). To be honest, it was painful to see what I’d created before and to relive the confusion. All of that is so far behind me now.
So, what did I find when I came back to Tumblr? Not what I expected. This place is more alive than ever with content which makes transwoman look likes toys for men to use or makes them look like a subspecies. Even worse, I found people equating trans womanhood with being a sissy. Eww. Gross. I don’t want any part of cesspool thinking. And it’s sad to see that there is almost no escaping these men who sexualize everything while calling themselves sissies. If you post a picture of a transwoman, they goon to it. If you post a picture of a cisgender woman, they do the same. I am trying very hard to make my blog a space that is only for transwomen and a space that feels safe. All I can do is keep blocking pretenders. It is so sad for me to look at the blogs of some of the people following me. They must really hate women and especially transwomen. It’s disgusting how they portray us and what they choose to reblog and I’m sorry that I ever contributed to ANY of it. I'm looking at their blogs and blocking the ones who post negative content. You don't celebrate womanhood by portraying transwomen/women as weak, inferior toys for men. That is just plain toxic, and I don't want it near me.
What am I NOT sorry about? I was helping transgirls to ‘hatch’ for years before even I knew I was trans back then and since coming back I have helped more. It reminds me of my teaching days: sometimes you only get through to 3 people in a class of 30 and that can feel really good, but it can feel awful when you think of the other 27. I can’t carry the weight of mentoring everyone. I know a lot but not everything and I probably can’t solve your problems but may be able to point you toward resources if you aren't being completely lazy. And what do I get out of it? Hopefully meaningful connections and relationships with genuine, authentic transwomen living their dreams out loud and proud 24/7. There is nothing in the world right now more ‘punk rock’ and badass than a transperson living their truth without excuses. Wishing all of my sisters a wonderful weekend. Let’s chat sometime!
baratheonpilled
theartofmadeline
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