“Why should I ever go downstairs to meet the Parisians with pompous wigs and fake smiles?” I said with a bitter tone, staring at my mother and she just looked at me once as she walked towards the door on her habitual pace. Like a Marquise, like an elegant lady. She was like that to me. She was educated, the only one with education in my family. She never responded back to me but I understood I needed to meet these people.
I sat there on my bed with my new dogs around me, took a deep breath. My mother left the room already and she always had that power, in me, that no matter what I have said or protested, it always made me do what she said. Why? maybe respect or love.
Not often she made me do anything but the only times she stood up were when she actually wanted lift me up. She usually stopped the fights and beatings with my brothers and father and while I laid on the ground or whatever I was at, defeated, she stood there looking down at me with a serious gaze and her direct voice “Lestat, get up” and she did not move until she saw me standing again.
Now, she told me to go to meet the merchants…I hated that so much. I hated to pretend that my family was an actual family, I hated that no one at the Village knew what kind of life it was to live at the Chateau. They thought it was all flawless, clean and that I was just the rebel in the family. Now I had to pretend again with smiles.
"Lets get over this crap" I said to myself while I went to get my jacket. Get over this and then just go get some wine and end up drunk somewhere and have my own happy moment and forget about everything.
I was wearing my yellow cotton shirt, my pants, my old boots and my wool jacket…all I had clean at that moment and all I had actually. Just a couple garments of each. Just one pair of boots. Just one winter jacket and one summer jacket. Voila! How fancy right? Blah. I didn’t care. I didn’t care much…until I saw the Parisians at the Inn on the way to Paris and I looked at them from afar and feeling my soul thorned. I loved and hated them. I loved these garments I hated them. To hell with that. But I loved it and sometimes I've tried to get into a conversation, if a young lady engaged a look or two.
So I kissed my dogs and ordered them to stay and off I went downstairs to meet the merchants. I could hear then talking to my brothers and father from afar. It seemed they were explaining with that polite educated language, how they have found the wolves and so on ….and one last turn from the long hallway and I was in the same room where they were at.
Quick glance around, the sun shone bright that morning. My father on his chair, my brothers by his side, Gabrielle wasn’t there. I supposed she hated these meeting as well. Why she could not join after telling me to come down? I Could not say but it was bittersweet, I wanted her there too but I understood.
I looked then at the merchants. The sun so bright on their backs, so at the very first glance as I walked in, I only saw their silhouettes. As I approached, I was finally able to see their clothes and faces.
As I expected they were wearing the best clothes for this meeting and there I was dressed up with my best. But I care? No I don't. Maybe yes. I simply hated this moment to pretend.
So after a quick glance around, on what they were holding and their clothes, what stuck me and to actually made me stop looking around, was the young man standing there, all dressed up like a fine Parisian as well but he was smiling back at me and it felt like he was pretending to enjoy that moment as well.
His smile was big and warm, he seemed to smile with his whole body. He wasn’t as pompous as his father on manner yet he spoke and behaved as if, with that smile, and that intrigued me. His father then introduced me to him, Nicolas.... then the name came to my mind. Nicki! I remembered then. My old friend Nicki from many years ago. We were just kids when we were playing together. We always were misbehaving. I tried to do good, he was more rebellious. It was so nice to see him again after all this time. He grew up so fine. I felt a warm sensation growing on me when I looked at him. He was looking so splendid now. A vision. I could not by stare at him the whole time, that even when his father was talking to me about the cloak and boots they made for me, I was just staring at Nicolas and smiling back at him. What the hell what happening? I don't know but I just loved it.
I was intrigued, captivated and I had a thousand questions to ask him. I felt good to just feel his presence. I felt the room wasn’t as dark now or cold. The sun surrounding him, behind him made him even more....beautiful. I loved his warm smile, his eyes…yes, his eyes were the ones made me feel all this and to have all these questions, to know more, so dark and intense, that I realized I was captivated by them. He was an apparition. I was happy he was there and his eyes ...deep so deep, so deep, so deep....my brothers sarcasm woke me up from my little dream staring at Nicolas eyes.
I held the cloak and boots and thanked them but I could not stop finding myself stupidly looking or smiling back at Nicolas contagious smile and aura. His father then explained to me how they have found the wolves, my mare and dogs. They buried them at that same place and then they made the cloak with the last wolf, the one that almost killed me. His voice was like white noise, I was still starlet and curious by Nicolas.
It was time for them to leave and after the formal goodbyes, no such thing has done in my family for years as we have lost care to be pompous but thins time we had to pretend as well. I just followed his manners as best as I could. Imitating the vows and when Nicolas approached, he whispered “Only the impossible can do the impossible” by my ear. His voice was so soft I loved it it was like a soft touch - after my brother mocked at me in front of them- I smiled almost immediately and turned my face to him that I almost kissed his cheek. He was even more handsome just saying that in response to my brothers , I smiled again. And they left.
I went back up to my mothers room show her what the brought me and obviously I started to ask about Nicolas. My mother told me to go and be friends with him. I opposed. Why he would really be friends with me. I am not rich, I don’t play an instrument, I can’t even read! Why the hell should we talk about?
I thought about it for a few days and what finally made me to go down to the village and meet with him was …because I knew he was more than money or great looks. He had something and not even words could explain. And I really wanted to meet him. I felt a connection or it was more like a pull feeling.
So I finally went to the village and went to the Inn wearing the new boots and cloak and he came in like a swirl of light, once again that powerful light that made me smile immediately. It made me feel comfortable and I felt that feeling wrapped around me. Something that was unknown to me until then.
So as we talked for hours in that cozy warm room at the Inn, and we became more and more happy and drunk I was more and more fascinated by his perspectives and intelligence, I loved every single moment of his stories, words, descriptions of what he was and experience in Paris. I listened to him with attention and I looked at him while he explained to me and I know, even as drunk as I was, that it was no manner to do so but I could not help myself. He wanted to know about the wolves but he proceeded to explain about Paris and his life there all these years. It was a big dream for me and he made it sound so amazing. I felt so comfortable. And the more he spoke the more I wanted to know about him.
I was not only smitten but his looks, his eyes still made me speechless and even now sometimes I can’t still hold my gaze to his because is so intense so beautiful so deep that it makes me shy. Yes. Makes me blush and shy. Eyes that I want to know and embrace and go deep in them and see and feel and reach out his soul and listen to it and love and care and feel.
He told me about his experiences in Paris while he studied there, good and bad ones. He didn’t have a good an easy childhood either. His father wasn’t nice to him either. We had so much in common and I felt bad he had to go through all of that as well.
He was strong after all he went through and Nicolas always kept my chin up, he was there all the time with me now, he understood more about me as I slowly opened myself to my most vulnerable part of me, something I don't like to do but it was safe to do so with him. Yes! safe. I felt safe and I could be me. And I was there for him to do the same when he was not having a good day.
We had the same hate for things. The same love, the same strength. He had his ideas and I had mine and together collapsed like thousand colors and we had so very deep meaningful conversations that I was amazed I could even think of before. Conversations that I would have never imagined to have with anyone in my family, because they would have called me crazy or to shut up or they would have simply said something stupid and ignorant. None of my family members ever sat with me to talk about anything. Never.
So there I was amazed by this man on all aspects. His voice, his intelligence, his mentality, his views, how grateful I felt to have him in my life. How grateful I felt he trusted me when no one else did.
Now there I was sharing my whole life with this magnificent, amazing, beautiful, intelligent, dedicated, talented, strong, direct, intense, cynic, sarcastic, fun, warm, tender, caring, precious…. person. I felt happy now at the village and living there at least had some meaning. I had someone to share my life with. Finally. And I could not see anything wrong about Nicolas. All I saw was light and love and good things even if he said he wasn’t like that, for ME, he was perfect. I was blinded and I didn’t see his imperfections - if he ever had one - I never saw one and if he had some, I loved them as well.
Fast forward… years, centuries later… life has passed, pain and tears and ups and downs…. I am still amazed how some people still do not realize that, none member of the Coven knows me, me, as mortal. Only Gabrielle and Nicolas. As vampire and after all I went through the years, I became more bitter, direct, still caring but I don’t give a damn on somethings, I still do what I think its best and I'm still me ……but, think about it. Now that I am explaining all the above about Nicolas, let me say this.
He was there since we were kids. He grew up knowing about me and I grew up knowing about him, until he left to study to Paris and lost track of him when he left. But after he returned, we shared our mortal life together. He KNOWS me as me. He has seen me wake up in the morning and eat. There was no vampiric blood when me and Nicolas first met. We had hours, days, months of continuous mortal life together, side by side. No one else of this coven has shared a mortal life with me ever. None of them ever saw me hunting. Or drunk on wine at noon, or eating fruits under the Orchard or walking under the sun, or seeing bruises and blood on my body because my brothers or father just decided that whatever I brought home wasn’t what they needed and I protested and I was beaten or for whatever reason was on their miserable lives they were just up to beat me. No one shared my awful mortal life at the Village but Nicolas. No one but Nicolas travelled days with me on the way to Paris. No one but Nicolas shared body and soul as mortals. Not even Gabrielle knows some of my intimate moments, something I’ve only shared with Nicolas.
Nicolas De Lenfent, my match, my opposite, my sun, my moon, my lover, my brother, my strength, my best friend, my guide, my support, my silent voice when I need a guide…MY Nicki. More than two hundred years and that feeling is still with me. I can’t give up; I’ll never give up. I don’t want to give up.
Forgive me for never having the strength to go in search for you back then. Forgive me for not understanding you when I thought I did. Forgive me for what I have failed you on any matter.
I am here now and I've got you. Don't be afraid. I will always hold you tight.
You are my beautiful monster as I am yours (I said that with a smile and caring loving way because I know that will drawn a smirk on his lips because he thinks he is one, so ok, I am one too and I love Nicolas monster to my core, lets be two happy monsters together).
You deserved so much more. Brilliant, marvelous, Intelligent, beautiful strong soul. Such a huge ray of light. You deserve so much more. Anything for you.
@monsieur-nicolas-de-lenfent
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