You know what's sad? That I was deeply In love with me ex fiance...we were together for almost 6yrs and when he decided to end things with me I was broken down..completely. I wanted a future with him..I believed in him..in us. Well a couple months had passed and I returned to him only to be hurt again..I really didn't understand him at the point why would he do this to me again. I had to go from our apartment to me parents house twice. I was so embarrassed..so confused and broken. 2 years later someone came to my life and started to make me feel happy again. After I had fallen into depression..this new guy made me feel something again. I was already convinced that I'd be alone..I didn't want to be burdened by men who had children already. I didn't want all that drama...I had accepted that I was to be alone and that I'd never be able to have a family of my own. As I am now near my 30s. (We all know how expectations are at this age). I met someone younger than me at work..and then not too long after my ex fiance reached out to me and confessed that he regretted everything. My heart dropped and I had mixed feelings of hate and disappointment and so much sadness. What was I supposed to do? I had tried my best to make him and I work..but it wouldn't at that time. It was never my choice to leave..it was his and for him to feel regert even now it just hurts me. I still care about him deep down. Call me stupid but I can't deny that I still have some sort of feelings for him. What am I supposed to do?! I fell in love with this new relationship I have but I can't deny my feeling for my ex. It was all good until he was brought up into my life again. I cane hate him. He says he just want me to be happy even though he may not be. But I had been been my happiest with him. I love what I have now and I'd hate to ruin it now for an ex...i don't want to ruin anything. I'm saddened that this is what has become of us. Life is unfair and I can't go back to him now ..we weren't meant to be in this life. Unrequited love? Maybe in another life we'd be happy together..but in this life he made the wrong move..I tried. But I've given myself an opportunity to feel good again. To love again. To trust again. Even though I know I'll never be the same person I was..I can't lie. I'm more harsh and unforgiving to my new boyfriend..but I supposed it's a defensive thing. I'm afraid to get hurt again. People change and my guard is up again. Deep down I'm prepared to be abandoned by my now boyfriend. Idk what the fate holds but I've got my guard up no matter what. If I'm alone or not at this age..I'm starting to accept that having a family will be low.
This is drunk me letting all feelings and thoughts out. This is it.
_Mimi
