Incorrect One Life Quotes

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[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Lauren: I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water…

[About fifteen minutes later…]

Lauren: My cereal is loud and its demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and Heaven so thoughtlessly.

Scott: …How does it taste?

Lauren: Bad.

Lizzie: The fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO² and H²O over time. And carbonic acid is— as an acid— sour.

Lizzie: By adding milk to sour water, you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I’ll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great.

Lauren: I have mastered the potion of Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Joel: Do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It?

Scott: Stay woke, monsterfuckers, your love is out there!!!!!

Joel: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Joel: You love me, right, Lizzie?

Lizzie: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Jack: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Joey: I just ended a four year relationship.

Stacy: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Joey: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*cut to Lizzie and Joel fighting from across the room*

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Shelby: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited!

Scott: If?

Lauren: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and she might not even die.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Stacy: I trust Joey.

Yammy: You think he knows what he’s doing?

Stacy: I wouldn't go that far.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Shelby: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Lizzie: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Lauren: Smad.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Oli: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Lizzie: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Jack: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million diamonds?

Scott: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Britt: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Scott: Good thinking.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Joel: Well, well, well... if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Shelby: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Scott: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away?

Shelby: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Lauren: *Screams*

Scott: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Lizzie: Should we do something?

Stacy: No, I want to see who wins.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Shelby: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Lizzie: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Joel: Twelve, actually.

Lizzie: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Joel: Yours!

Lizzie: That's right: no one's.

[probably-incorrect-onelife]

Scott: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Lauren: You and me!!!

Scott, tearing up: Okay.