ProbablyHashbrowns

I’ve got a pun in the oven

[just-shower-thoughts]

We refuse to pay $5 a month to upgrade dating apps and potentially find a soulmate, but we gladly pay $10 a month to watch reruns of The Office

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

you bet i do. im keeping my priorities straight.

[officialunitedstates]

what’s up, customers?

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

not much hbu

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

why follow someone who’s funny when you can follow me??

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

would you rather

get the hiccups anytime watermelons are mentioned or be allergic to ovens?

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

hiss hiss motherfuckers

Just took the Pottermore quiz and got Slytherin

Really didn’t want to get Gryffindor so that’s a relief

[dennys]

The perfect date

You go to Denny’s. A waitress asks for your order. In unison you say “cheeseburger”. You look up. Your eyes meet. You truly see each other for the first time.

Years later you have a child together. The nurse asks for a name.  You look at each other, and you both know. You embrace your baby, Cheeseburger. 

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

dennys are you okay

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

me: *uses a studfinder*

studfinder: beep beep b e e e e p

*hot dude crashes thru wall*

me: they weren’t kidding were they

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

what do you call it when people study science together??

kumbayology

[officialunitedstates]

you can’t spell america without freedom

im a normal corporation, you don’t have to send me these sort of things just because I made a ingenious marketing decision 4 years ago when I changed my url to officialunitedstates at the cusp of the official era

[hsjdoeejrnflsishkdoxhdksso-deac]

You are in no way a corporation you absolute buffoon

[officialunitedstates]

tell that to the SEC, jerk

[officialunitedstates]

do you think spiderman ever gets tired of only being able to eat spiders

[just-shower-thoughts]

If your front door has a mail slot, you live in a mailbox

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

my three year old sister just walked up to me and informed me that she has more friends than I do

and you know what..

she’s probably right

[officialunitedstates]

next time someone shows you their baby

“did you keep the receipt”

[officialunitedstates]

it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free:  pouring river water in your socks

[evilscum-deactivated20160223]

why would i do that lmao

[officialunitedstates]

it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

Do you even need a reason?

[bastille]

Why the fuck would you go big when u can go home

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

Finally someone understands

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

Things I’m good at:

• naps

• eating a whole cake in under two minutes

• making lists

• crying

[probablyhashbrowns-blog]

My friend was convinced that ‘goth’ and ‘gothic’ meant the same thing so I was all like “ah yes the architecture in old churches is so emo” and her mom overheard me and started laughing so hard