Project Roar is very thankful for support from our community! A special thank you to the these amazing sponsors for helping put on this empowering evening.Â

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Project Roar is very thankful for support from our community! A special thank you to the these amazing sponsors for helping put on this empowering evening.Â
Project Roar is having itâs official launch celebration on Saturday May 16th from 7pm-9pm! This event is a celebration of change. It symbolizes a shift from ignoring child sexual abuse, to ROARING about it! This uplifting, empowering event will leave you feeling hopeful for our city, community, and country. This celebration will help Project Roar move forward with future goals of educating adults, youth and children, about the importance of using their voice.
In January, Jessie had a chance to travel to Muskoka Ontario for the YWCA Young Women's National Leadership Summit. Being surrounded by so many uplifting, positive, and inspiring female leaders, Jessie decided to share her story in the form of a poem. Their support helped make her roar a little louder.
How to Spot Red Flags - Adult Offender
Something to recognize about child sexual abuse, is that there are always "Red Flags", or signs and clues, that something is happening.
For this post, I am going to focus on the Offender, and red flags you can spot that may make you say, "Hummm.... something isn't quite right about this". I want you to think of situations you may have seen with friends, family members, and people who work or volunteer in workplaces or organizations that children attend.
There are situations where a sexual offender is a "nice person". They do great things for the community, they are an amazing coach or volunteer. Great. Please remember, that we should separate someone's reputation, from the behaviour they display. Sure, they are a good person, but if they are doing any of the following things, we should reflect on that. Good people can do bad things.
Do you know who an offender of child sexual abuse is? Someone who has access to children. Keep that in mind as you read forward.
1) Is an adult spending one-on-one time with a child?
If you notice that an adult is spending one-on-one, or alone time, with a certain child, that is a red flag. When we see this happening, we should ask ourselves, "Why is this person alone with a child? Is this necessary?". It is important to remember that it is okay to ask the adult why this is happening. Don't be afraid to talk to them about it. You are not accusing them of anything, but simply stating that perhaps being alone with a child is not a safe thing to do, for the adult, or the child, could help put things into perspective for that individual. An example of how you could approach this conversation would be: "I've noticed that you are taking Johnny into the art supply room and closing the door. I just want to make sure you understand how that can be viewed as an unsafe situation, because an adult should never be alone with a child". Perhaps you could also go over the child protection policy the organization/workplace has as well. This is a rough example, but it simply shows that you are not saying "Are you hurting Johnny in that art supply room? Is that why you are going in there?". You can take a mental note of the situation, talk to the adult about it, and keep your eye on that individual in the future.
2) Is an adult contacting or spending time with a child outside of their organization or work?
Contacting: I have heard an example over the last few months where someone contacted me and said "Is it normal for my child's coach to be sending them Facebook messages at 3 in the morning, asking to hang out?" I said "NO NO NO NO NO. Report this person right away!" (thankfully, multiple parents had already done so). To my knowledge, this coach is STILL coaching, unless things have changed since I spoke to this individual. Again, we must ask ourselves WHY?. Why is this coach contacting players outside of their team? Why does this coach have a minor on their Facebook friend's list to begin with? Why is this coach asking the child to "hang out" at 3am? This situation is a huge red flag. This coach is displaying very unprofessional behaviour that is completely unsafe. There should be no reason why this coach is contacting their player. Even if the coach was talking about hockey - Facebook friends and private messages? Not okay. What the coach should do, if there was a professional, logical reason for contacting their player, would be to tag the parent in the conversation as well. An example would be, if a game was cancelled last minute, and the coach wanted to let the player know. He should tag parents in the message, so the parents are aware that the coach is even contacting the player.
Spending Time Outside Organization/Workplace: If an adult is spending time with a child outside of their workplace or organization, we need to again, ask ourselves why? If an adult coming to your house, picking your child up and taking them for lunch or a movie? Why are they doing that? If it is not part of their programs, and it is one adult, why is this happening? A solid organization with the safety of the children as top priority, would ensure that they discussed with the parents why this was happening, and talk about the safety of the child. Why can't they bring two adults on this lunch and movie activity? Why can't you, as their parent, go along as well? I would assume, that if you asked the individual taking your child on something like this if you could join, and they reacted with anger, we should be alarmed.
3) Is an adult showing special treatment to a certain child or children?
Sometimes, sexual offenders give gifts, or take certain children to the movies, meals, or on special trips. If someone in your life is showing this type of "grooming" behaviour, we should, yet again, ask ourselves why this is happening. Why is someone showing your child, or a child you know, this special treatment? Perhaps they are genuinely a nice, safe person and would never harm your child. Wonderful. However, it is still recommended that we ask ourselves why this person wants to spend alone time with the child. Perhaps you can join them on a trip, or meal. Maybe have a discussion with the individual spending time with the child, and talk about safety, have conversations with the child about the person they go on trips with, pay attention to their behaviours, etc.
Those are some situations I want you to reflect on. Remember, it is okay to ask questions. Actually, it is almost essential to ask questions. If we do so, we could help stop a child from experiencing sexual abuse. We could help organizations and workplaces reflect on their child protection policies. YOU have the power to stop child sexual abuse. The question is, will you wear the cape? Or keep it tucked away in a drawer.
Roar,
Jessie
The Societal Misconception of the Sexual Predator
With recent allegations of sexual assault and abuse involving successful male actors surfacing, I have seen many comments that evoke shock that someone so talented could be capable of sexual assault or abuse.
I am not sure where the stereotype of the "creepy man who looks dirty and threatening" came from, but whoever made the decision that this is how sexual predators will be depicted, has no idea how damaging this has been.
People who are educated, successful, good looking and clean, are capable of being sexual predators, too. We need to shift the focus from the creepy man, to THE INDIVIDUALS WHO SPEND TIME WITH CHILDREN.
As I have mentioned before, people who wish to sexually abuse children do not necessarily spend their time in a nursing home... they go to where their desires will be fulfilled.
Sexual predators can be ANYONE.
In my opinion, I think this plays a major part in why we are in the giant mess we're in today. We have spent so much time teaching kids to be scared of strangers and people who "look" like predators. While we were doing this, the sexual predators who don't fit the stereotype have been laughing at us.
It's time for a change. That time is now.
How I Found My Roar, and Gained my Power Back
Fear flooded my veins when I ran into an old friend of my motherâs in a clothing store at the age of 13. My trembling body stared into his eyes, and while my head screamed âRUNâ, my feet were frozen to the floor. It was in this moment of absolute terror that my brain was triggered into remembering the monstrous side of this smiling liar.
For the next four years I experienced extreme shame, depression, suicidal thoughts, and felt disgusted by my body. I knew I lived my life in fear. I knew I had such terrifying nightmares it would make Steven King cringe. I knew I was angry. I knew who hurt me. However, I didnât know exactly what happened. Because I couldnât answer the âwhyâ question, I felt a lot of anger and confusion throughout my adolescence. It wasnât until a flashback occurred, that I finally knew why I was the way I was. Once the final piece of the puzzle was in place, I was able to reflect on my childhood and make sense of my fears.
At five years old, I contracted a sexually transmitted disease. This is where some of the deepest shame resides within my heart. As if being sexually abused by an adult man wasnât enough, I was inspected weekly by male doctors who asked me to âtake off my pantsâ. I was re-victimized every single time I had to lay down on a Doctorâs table. Thank goodness that at five years old I had become a professional at dissociating myself from the present, or I donât think I could have made it through the checks-ups and operations. How do you tell a child they have a sexually transmitted disease? You donât. You tell them it came from a toilet seat.
An STD at five years old makes adults cringe with worry. Although professionals tried their hardest, I never spoke of the sexual abuse I had already been enduring since the age of two. My perpetrator had such a strong hold on my voice that his threats of violence and murder screamed in my head as a nice, safe person attempted to get me to speak up.
I remember being interviewed by a social worker. I was colouring while she asked me questions about my life. As a child, I took colouring very seriously, so I know that in my eyes, my picture would have been neat and near perfection. This social worker asked me a question I can still hear loud and clear. âWhat types of names are there for male private parts?â With this question, I took my crayon in my fist, stated âthere are lots of namesâ and proceeded to scribble all over my perfected picture as hard as I could. The conclusion? I was perfectly fine.
Skipping forward, now, to an eight year old girl who is trying so desperately to simply exist, as she watched her virginity flow down the drain of the bathtub he stole it in. After those horrific days with him, I was never the same. Any sparkle in my eyes was long since put out. Any preconceived notions of love, and what it should be, were demolished. Any chance I had at feeling confident and beautiful were stolen along with the one true thing I could have called my own.
How my perpetrator manipulated me so strongly that I never spoke a word about my childhood sexual abuse until I was seventeen, baffles my mind.
This brings me to today.
Today, I write to you as the Founder of my own awareness initiative called Project Roar. Project Roar symbolizes using your voice to speak out, to rid yourself of the shame and secrets, and free your heart from the pain of remaining silent for so long. When you hear a roar, you listen. The hair on the back of your neck stands up. A roar gets your attention. That is what I aim to do. What I dedicate the rest of my life to doing. My silence no longer exists, or controls my life and my heart. My voice is loud. It is powerful. It is capable of evoking and calling for change.
The very moment I decided to speak out, was the exact moment I gained my power back. My silence was like letting him hold the leash and lead me through my life. Now, I am the leader of my life. I am the one in control of my voice, my thoughts, and my opinions. I no longer have to live in fear. I no longer feel powerless. By keeping silent, by keeping my story to myself, I was letting him win. Now, I am winning. I am victorious over my years of sexual abuse as a child. I am not a victim, silenced by the empty threats of an adult who took advantage of childhood innocence. I am a survivor of my experiences. I am a roarior â a person who speaks about the unspeakable without reservation or fear of judgment.
I never could have pictured the empowerment I could receive from my years of sexual trauma. If I met 15 year old Jessie and told her that in ten years she would be creating a nonprofit organization about childhood sexual abuse, I would have laughed.
I no longer feel like my child sexual abuse experiences define my life. Now, I define how my child sexual abuse experiences fit into my life. I view myself as so much more than a victim of horrendous acts. I view myself with pride, with confidence and with a hope of delivering inspiration to others.
There are so many things my perpetrator stole from me. But, he didnât steal my voice.
Roar. Jessie Lanigan Facebook.com/theprojectroar