saumensch

prurient (adj.): having a restless desire or longing

[coolthingoftheday]

Mexican artist Gabriel Dawe creates a rainbow sculpture woven from over sixty miles of colored thread.

(Artist)

[proorient]

I turn the pages of a book I started reading months ago, I listen to the rain tap on the rooftop, I sit around and sip coffee and at night I watch how it says "online" right under your name. I try to write and I try to plan vacation and I try to be reasonable but all I can think is I miss you so terribly

[proorient]

oh boy i relapsed today. went through half a year without self harming and I was actually doing well. I enjoyed life . but the last weeks and especially last days have been so rough plus yesterday I made a huge mistake by texting someone who I love but only to annoy them and things got really bad when they told me sad news and then stopped responding . I haven't stopped thinking about cutting all day and I've been strong all day but not now and the worst is that I know what it feels like to think that I'm finally doing better and being happy but here I am again.

[mexicanist-deactivated20151125]

[cruelings-deactivated20200310]

//

[proorient]

I try so hard I keep saying I Love Myself and I Am Enough and I even do things even though I had really bad anxiety before and I thought I’d be proud but I am not I just feel horrible for even having anxiety and I think of death all the time

[proorient]

No idea if anyone ever is interested in this but things are okay right now

[proorient]

I feel very depressed and i relapsed yesterday

[proorient]

Everything is wrong and I don't know what I'm doing this for

[wurstburger]

[proorient]

Today my therapist hugged me. And she was literally brimming with happiness because she saw I was doing better or something.

[proorient]

Things have been better but not now …can I die please

Literally

Today we went on some excursion and UGH I can’t even say how much I made a fool out of myself and EVERYONE was watching ALL PEOPLE FROM MY YEAR

MY TEACHERS LAUGHED

[proorient]

This blog is so full of negativity and weird stuff I'm literally so sorry for everyone who even follows me

[proorient]

How can one be so overwhelmed and empty at the same time.... I don't want to call my therapist or send her an email....I'd just like to talk to my previous conselour but she's in the US right now and I probably wouldn't have the courage to reach out even if she weren't

[your-only-escape]

[proorient]

Things are not good

[proorient]

I know it - theoretically I know tgat everybody makes mistakes and that you should make mistakes to learn from them I still do not want to make mistakes I still would like to rip myself apart and stop existing everytime I make a mistake

[proorient]

Is that my life? Crying on my own outside social events? Being mad at myself for the things I say and being mad at myself for the things I don't say? Not being able to stop my brain from causing me pain? Knowing that everybody expects me to be better but i am not? Is that my life and will this forever be my life?