Translated the Amai Mask Drama track from the One Punch Man Vol. 4 DVD Special CD Drama “Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish” (source). Enjoy the prolonged poop jokes lol…
Saitama: One Punch Man Special CD Mini Drama Amai Mask’s Super Sweet Anguish
Saitama: On that day, Sweet Handsome Mask was having the first concert of his dome tour. Even though Amai Mask always seems very put together and perfect in front of the cameras, he’s only human.
Saitama: Every time before his live concerts, he avoids people and his an internal struggle with all the pressure that he experiences.
*Amai Mask locks himself in a toilet stall*
Saitama: On that day, just like his usual ritual of going to the bathroom to give himself a mental pep talk, he tried to concentrate but…
Amai Mask: *hits head* Why am I like this? I’m always very confident, but why do I always get like this. *slam*
Saitama: That day was a very special day. Amai Mask was going to drop the title of his very anticipated new song. However, although he tried up until the last minute to think of a good song title, he just couldn’t get a good idea even right before the start of his live concert.
Amai Mask: Damnit, there’s no more time left. Nothing is coming out! Can I even decide on a title?
*Someone knocks on the stall*
Amai Mask: Agh! I wonder if someone is worried about me. Maybe they asked for some staff to check up on me. Man, I’m really sorry about this, but I really haven’t decided on a title yet. I’m completely out of good ideas.
Saitama: So that’s why Amai Mask locked himself in the toilet stall.
*More knocking on the stall*
Amai Mask: I’m sorry, but please wait just a bit longer!
Saitama: I did not know about this story until a bit later; however, these events happened before I met Genos, when I was still training alone to be a hero. I ended up having to stay somewhere nearby this concert place and came to do some part-time construction work here, but I didn’t know what exactly was going on. All I knew was that I was waiting for this toilet door to open.
Saitama: Man, this guy is literally taking forever. Give me a break, holy crap!
Saitama: That afternoon I ate a bento lunch box that was actually expired, so I really needed to you know, take care of some things quickly. But then there was this guy inside the toilet that was taking forever with his business. I felt like I was going to explode.
Saitama: Hey man, are you done yet?
Amai Mask: I know I know!
Amai Mask: I’m sorry, but I’m really concentrating hard right now with this. Can you please not talk to me?
Amai Mask: This moment is EXTREMELY important to me!
Saitama: Oh…uh…I uh…I see…
Amai Mask: It is a despair as deep as the ocean…
Saitama: I see…it uh…seems kinda…difficult…
Amai Mask: Yes. It’s been bothering me since last night. Couldn’t even sleep because of this.
Saitama: SINCE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Amai Mask: That is right. But the more I concentrated on this, nothing good came out!
Amai Mask: This is a first for me too.
Amai Mask: I’m sorry for bothering you.
Saitama: Uh…no big, but uh…you think you’re going to take a while longer?
Amai Mask: Please wait just a little bit longer.
Saitama: Oh, I guess I’ll just go somewhere else then. I don’t want to bother you with your…stuff.
Amai Mask: No please stay here! When I’m here alone, I make no progress. Please listen to my stuff and help me out.
Saitama: Err…I really uh…if you say that um… *stomach growls*
Saitama: Let’s just say I’m kind of at my limit…
Amai Mask: Oh I see. I’m really sorry about this.
Saitama: Oh no no! You don’t need to apologize!
Amai Mask: But—! I’m almost done though! You see, I’m so close right now!
Amai Mask: I can even see the shape now!
Amai Mask: Yeah, just a bit! Also, I’m just waiting for the cue to go now.
Saitama: What do you mean by “cue”? What if you shout “WOAH” really loudly? I feel like you’ll drop a pretty good load that way.
Amai Mask: Yes, of course. It seems like if I use force, something might come out.
Saitama: Eh? Then just LET IT COME OUT.
Amai Mask: Well then, I’ll just have to try to push out something great. You saw it too, didn’t you?
Amai Mask: But, when I’m alone nothing good comes out nicely.
Amai Mask: Yes, I don’t get a good response.
Saitama: A response!? Hey, what the hell are you talking about?
Amai Mask: I still have a lot more! I know without a doubt that there are much greater things inside of me just waiting to stir!
Amai Mask: Do you not agree?
Saitama: I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, but I’ve never worried about uh…that…kind of stuff, if you know what I mean.
Amai Mask: You know what, you’re right.
Amai Mask: A normal human being would never worry about something like this.
Saitama: Uh…I guess normal people don’t…
Saitama: But uh…even if it doesn’t come out, worrying about it doesn’t do anything. Stuff like this can’t really be accompanied by theory. From my own experience, if I’m stuck in a toilet, sometimes stuff just doesn’t come out that easily, but that’s not a cause for concern.
Saitama (to himself): Holy shit I am going to explode.
Saitama: Yes. Sometimes you just need to let it go. Just relax and forget about all your problems, and it’ll come out.
Amai Mask: OH! That’s it! You can’t do anything about it even if you worry about it. That is correct! Just empty out myself.
Saitama: Hnnnnghhhh yesssss….. That’s exactly what I think so uh….just come out of the toilet now so I can use it!!!!!
Amai Mask: For some reason, I think I get it now! Maybe it’s just as you say, instead of thinking about it too much, I’ll just think of it simply.
Amai Mask: And also, I will go back to my roots.
Saitama: Oh…I have no idea what you are talking about, but it seems like you’re going to take a bit longer in there so I’m just gonna uh…go now…
Amai Mask: Oh, thank you so much though! Because of you, I feel a bit better.
Saitama: Oh yeah? Well uh, that’s just great! OKAY BYE!
Amai Mask: I understand myself now. Maybe I just needed someone to help me carry my burdens. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much!
Amai Mask: By the way, you never told me your name—! Oh…what a good samaritan. Thank you again, unknown staff.
Saitama: And with that, even though we crossed paths without even knowing, luckily Amai Mask was able to proceed with his concert and use his new song as the theme song for his live. Some time after, his song was released in CD format, but well, that’s another story for later.
Amai Mask: Thank you! Let’s get on with the next song! Listen up, my new song, “Beautiful Hero!”
T/N: I don’t think I’ve had to write that many poop puns before…
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