PreppyCat @prppyct-blog - Tumblr Blog

The PLAN

The plan was to be an antagonist for a while so that the planned Birthday Surprise will be unexpected but maybe, I went too far.

As of this writing, I got blocked in FB, Messenger, IG, VIber and my phone number. So how will I be able to make contact? Maybe wait it out?

What’s disturbing is the fact that I am currently in Tumblr right now. Whenever I am here, I am in a point of no return. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe...

But since I am awake, might as well note it down.

The Plan:

Anyway, the plan was simple. Go visit her on the day of her birthday. That is two weeks from now. But now it got complicated.

Challenges:

GCQ. It is a health risk doing this. I will be exposed outside the house for a longer period of time.

Transportation is limited. Guess I’ll have to use my scooter. The downside is that, I may need to disclose it to the family. This will be a complication moving forward but I don’t have a choice.

My MV registration will be expired on Sept 12. It is a Saturday but I need to take care of that ASAP. I have two weeks. Worst, this GCQ is making the lines longer in LTO and again, exposure to a lot of people in the process.

Leave. I already sent a Leave Request for 10, 11 and 14 a month ago (Super Long Weekend BABY!) but up until now, it is still not approved. Will probably send a follow up first thing at the start of the shift.

The CAKE. I need to figure out where to buy an Effin cake early in the morning. Most cake store opens at 10AM. I wouldn’t have a clue on how early she will get up that day or if she will be on leave, I have no idea. Luckily I already told her mother about it and maybe I can get some info about her during the day. I am currently blocked on her social media accounts so maybe it is a blessing in disguise for the surprise.

And the most important part. That EFFIN necklace. That is actually THE challenge as I have to go to the location and then look for a cake and then afterwards go her. Sounds easy? Let’s see how it will turn out.

The Day Before Tomorrow

Fortuna Redux

An imperative part of “The Plan” is my scooter. As mentioned previously, transportation will be a problem during this time of pandemic so I need to make sure that I have means of going from point A to point B.

Last monday, I met with a fixer to process my MV registration renewal because I don’t have the luxury of time to process it myself. According to this so called fixer, the document will be available in 3-5 days. I still haven’t heard from him. Luckily, my registration expiration is on the 12th. I can still use it tomorrow.

Last saturday on the way to smoke emission test. My engine is failing every time I hit the break. I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m not a mechanic but maybe it has to do with the fact that my scooter hasn’t been used for long rides since March. Come monday, I pushed my scooter all the way to the service center which is 4KM. I had it checked, have it tuned up, the works. To cut the story short, it is working fine now. I can cut this off my list. Foruna Redux, don’t let me down tomorrow.

My Gift

Yesterday, My friend from the office decided to talk to a trusted person to have my “package” delivered to me. A month ago we are undecided to use Lalamove or Grab for months to deliver me my package as the contents of it is expensive. Might lose all of them in the process. My gift is just siting there but now, I can cross this off my list as I already have it. Now I am excited to give it to her. I really hope she likes it.

The Cake

Last month, her mother suggested a customized cake since she won’t be able to bake a cake tomorrow as she has plans on cooking the next day for the birthday party in the province. Time flied so fast that I was not able to contact the what she referred. Now I have no choice but to buy a simple cake from either Conti’s, Cake 2 Go or Mary Grace. I just hope I can find a store that opens as early as 9AM. And another challenge for the cake is the transport. I hope, it won’t be destroyed on the way there.

WTF

Yesterday she told me that she had a dream wherein her sister and her mother is holding a siopao cake singing happy birthday and she saw me in the back. I’m like WTF. Did her mother just told my plan or that is what she wanted in her birthday. I shut the thought off by saying that won’t be possible since it is GCQ and changed the topic. I am not starting to think that this surprise wont be a surprise after all.

Unanticipated Wednesday - Continuation

LEAVE REQUEST IS STILL PENDING

Earlier in the afternoon, I received news that there will be a new leave process. So basically, the leave requests for next week are still not approved. This will be a problem for me as I already have plans on those dates. I also filed those leaves a month ago. So I really can’t why that leave request is still pending. It really annoys me that the management up until now, 3 years in operations still does not have a concrete leave process and they are always changing it. Looks to me that they really don’t know how to run the operations.

INCOMPETENCY

I was planning on resigning because the management’s incompetency. Half of the time they really don’t know what they are doing and the other half of it is they are doing mostly illogical decisions. About a month ago, I stopped caring for the changes they made and I’m just doing my job. The result on my end is a stress-free life. That stopped me from resigning that time. This time is different. If the leaves won’t be approved then I have no choice but to resign. I am done with their bullshit.

Unanticipated Wednesday

TEST

I can’t take it anymore. Let me be the one to break the silence. I finally decided to send a “Test” chat message last night at 11:05 PM. My hands are literally shaking. I’m nervous that this may lead into something I won’t be able to accept. I was expectating that my chat would be on the solid circle with a checkmark state for a long time as she might try and ignore it without opening it but, in just 2-3 seconds the chat message is now on seen state and then it became (blank) is typing state. My heart’s racing. What would be the outcome of this?..

BREATHING NORMALLY NOW

A little while after the first chat, we are now talking about Linkedin. What the hell does Linkedin’s got to do with all of this? Nothing. It only means that we talked about a lot of things already. It seems that I overplayed everything in my mind once again. I sense no intention of breakups even the slightest hints on her chat messages. On the contrary of what I was thinking, I really felt that she really misses me. I am breathing normally now.

I DON’T REALLY CARE

I have a shitload of work to do on my shift. I don’t really care. I’m not saying that I am not doing my work, what I am trying to say is that we are back to normal. Well everything was not normal in my head but now, it is back. The reason for the blockings are for her to take a short break for me being a dick about last night. I am really blessed that I have her. She never gives up even if I’m in my worst state. I won’t take it for granted. I will try my best to be the best version of myself for her. It’s never too late for anything.

MY ENEMIES

Given how I think and act about the previous situation. It is not a secret that composure and overthinking are really my weaknesses eversince. Those are my enemies. I really can’t change this as this is a part of my personality. This is who I am. The best I can do is to control it. I am having a hard time fighting it at times but honestly after my self assessment, I can say that I really improved my well being compared to the time before 3 years ago. So there is hope that I can beat my enemies and that is just by controlling and not submitting to them.

SCARY TUESDAY

FB and MESSENGER

In my usual minute to minute stalking, I found out that she already unblocked me on FB and Messenger. IG and Viber is still blocked but I have no complaints, at least now I am unblocked. I went over her feeds, photos the works. I noticed that her privacy setting seems to have changed. Maybe it is because I got unfriended? Or she deliberately changed it for all we know, she knows that I am stalking her since Sunday. I’m not sure.

HESITATION

The minute I noticed I was unblocked, I had this sudden urge of messaging her. Of course, she’s my GF and I miss her (well who knows if on her end I am still his). Something stops me in sending a chat. I know for a fact the reason for the unblocking is that she is now ready to talk. However, I have a gut feeling that she is ready to talk about something once I’ve sent a ping. This overthinking got me more paranoid than the usual. Will she be happy that I am aware that I am unblocked and the moment I’ve noticed it and I sent a chat? Or she is just waiting for me so that she can drop a big bomb on me? Hesitation.

THE NETFLIX CONTRIBUTION PART 2

I have been thinking that either she misses me or she going to end our relationship officially was the reason for the unblocking. I forgot about the Netflix Contribution. I Haven’t paid yet. Fvck, I thought about a lot of things giving meaning to a simple action. Well, if this is the case then I will just wait and see of I am correct.

B O R E D O M

GAME OVER

I have a shift later at 9PM but I am still awake. I finally got tired of playing PC games and left with nothing to do but to sleep - which is not my friend today. I wish there is a switch wherein you can just flip it and then you will fall immediately to sleep. I admit that I often wake up in the afternoon and can’t fall to sleep however, I don’t have a proper sleep from 12 midnight of Sunday. Just a short nap and that’s it. Now, yes I am writing this as of this moment.

STORAGE FULL

Earlier I was browsing my phone picture gallery. Storage was close to full but seeing the pictures, I can’t delete pictures. I always keep the picture of you or me or both no matter how ugly the shot was. My phone is already optimized. Only the essential apps are here. I can’t figure out why my laptop is not detecting this phone. I may need to update the drivers but I’m not in the mood to do that. This phone as well has it’s sentimental value. Who knows? If what I think is happening will be happening or will happen I may need to let this phone go as well.

THE NETFLIX CONTRIBUTION

As I lay in the sofa browsing Netflix I remembered that you reminded me a couple of days ago that I need to transfer my share for the payment. We also kid around about you will be paying for my share the last time and since you made me share I also said that until subscription is valid, we will be together. I am thinking to not pay so that you will be forced to talk to me? Is that fair?

Should I or Should I Not?

Given the current situation, she left me 3 options to make contact...

FB - blocked.

Messenger - blocked.

IG - blocked.

Viber - blocked.

Twitter - she just deactivated hers a few days back for some unknown reason.

Skype - I forgot my username and password.

Text - might get ignored but there is a chance she read it. Not sure if I am also blocked but you’ll never know.

Call - unlike text, this method can easily be rejected and if I’m not blocked in phone this will give her the chance to do it. But again you’ll never know.

Go to her - out of the three left, this is the most scariest. Why? It is not because of being exposed to Covid19 on the way there but because I will be seeing her face (provided that she will open the door and face me). Yes I want to see her but the face has expressions and those expressions can tell a lot. But this is the method that has a high success rate of getting a response and more personal.

One of the toxic contributions of this generation is “Ghosting”. I really can’t understand why people of this generation doesn’t have the decency of facing someone to tell them what’s really going on. But anyway, should I or should I not try what’s left to make contact and stop prologing this suffering or wait it out..?

Waiting for Godot

I just completed a mission in Red Alert 2: Yuri’s Revenge in hard mode just now and it took 2 hours and 23 minutes to be exact. I started playing this game when I was in my sophomore year in HS. Those were the days when I don’t have these problems that are constantly breaking me, it is just me playing Counterstrike and RE2. I wish I can go back to that mood but I can’t.

This is me passing the time waiting for something that I don’t know. For how long? - I can’t tell. At this point I really have no idea...

sa-dnesss

yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou

Morning Gloom

I caught a few zZZZZZ but I felt that it’s not enough. In that short 30 minute snooze I dreamt about you, a different version of you - not the one you are today. I tried sleeping again to have some sort of continuation on that dream but here I am again, trying to figure out things.

There’s something about this Monday that I can’t figure out. It is different, it is somewhat gloomy. Tried stalking again and yes, I’m still blocked. I need to figure out how I can get my mind of you for a while. The problem with me only having you is that when you’re gone I am left with nothing. The world seems to stop. Time seems to slow down. Things does not seem to make sense and all that sh!t. I am currently in my room sitting in the floor. There is only one person in the world (you) who knows what I am doing everytime I am here. I’m not in the mood. It doesn’t work that way. Maybe it only works when we are ok. I miss you and it hurts.

Silent Night Thoughts

As I stood here smoking in my balcony (Yes, I went back at it. probably the stress) I am thinking that maybe it is not that different after all. The previous fights has a sense of belongingness compared to what I have right now. Right now, it is just silent.

Maybe the reason why it is that silent is because I have no way of stalking her tonight? Yes, she took it to the next level by blocking me completely in FB. Tonight I have this constant pain in my chest that kept me thinking “What if this time it’s over?”. Then a couple of thoughts pop up like “What if there is now someone else?”. Following that thought a hundred more followed. Fvck! I hate this feeling. Maybe she really had enough. She probably ripped that distance bracelet to pieces, trashed all the stuffed dogs and threw away everything that is related to me. I really hate overthinking it really kills me inside.

I took a break. Played some video games. One of my all time PC games is Red Alert 2. I used to battle 1 brutal enemy because that is the only one I can defeat. I tried 2 brutals and then 3, then 4... then 7. To my surprise, I can beat 7 brutals. Why did I not tried it before? Probably because of the fact that I wont be able to defeat it or maybe the fear of getting defeated. I dunno...

Valorant servers are up. Tried a few rounds and I was entertained - for a while... In between rounds, I feel depressed and the more I play the more I think about my current situation. As I continue this, here I am again in the balcony looking at nothing. Trying to figure out something that I don’t know. Maybe “those” people are right. I maybe losing my mind. Maybe I really am the problem. Again, too much thinking. Maybe I’ll take a couple of antihistamines to catch some zZZZZ.

Back in Tumblr... Again

Why is that whenever I feel this very familiar feeling I will be loitering here in Tumblr. Maybe it’s the gloomy atmosphere my page here brings or it’s the fact that I am back to where I don’t want to be again.

It is indeed déjà vu.

WAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teka...✋↔🔍

Start the week right.✌👏🐒

Feeling Nike.🏀😁 #MoreBlurMoreSocial

#moreblurmoresocial

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