squad.

Pretty girls don't know the things that I know. Trash queen - Awkward human.

[gigiandtheassassins]

[userspree-deactivated20250328]

[elastticheart]

Liz Gillies for The New Potato

[imyourdahl-blog]

Back Into Your Hole | 004

Their shoes smacked against the linoleum of the halls as they hastened to class. Already, the duo was tardy due to a smoke session that had lasted far too long and with any luck, they’d narrowly escape another detention from the stern, English teacher, who was far too bitter to rightly be teaching such a hectic and wild class. “Of course,” Rose said as her hand lightly brushed the back of Ashiana’s, their steps synchronized as they moved in accordance with each other, “we’ll be burdened with washing chalkboards after school. There’s no way, even if we hurry that we’re going to make it on time. I mean, we’re already five minutes late and–,” but her lips fastened shut at the sight of another coming down the hall; her head down and eyes on her dirtied and old sneakers, Rose reasoned that she hadn’t even noticed them yet.

Grabbing for her partner’s hand, Rose held onto the tips of Ashiana’s fingers and gave a quick, stern squeeze, physically alerting her of the small, doe of a girl who was making her way, innocently towards them. “Don’t do anything stupid, yeah?” she whispered, which was foolish for it caught the younger girl’s attention, forcing her to take notice of the two, bull-headed teens nearing her. “We’re going to get in even worse trouble if you make a scene. Far later than if you just were to keep your mouth shut and walk to Mrs. Theriault’s room.” A burning quake of anger reminded Rose that Jane was her enemy; that appropriately, the little Sophmore deserved whatever Ashiana was eager to throw her way; whether it be fists or a verbal lashing, Jane Dunn should earn some sort of lick. 

Despite the insistence that she should let Ash do as she pleased, a biting in the blue-haired girl’s stomach reminded her that suspension would not look too bright on her college applications and that expulsion would render her completely useless. And that, if her temperamental friend decided that Jane deserved to be humiliated here and now, she would be unable to help quell Ash’s anger and might, in retaliation, partake as well. Therefor, it was impervious that the brunette keep walking and ignore the younger, pitiful thing altogether. Inhaling deeply through her nose, the Junior girl waited for the inevitable storm that was about to tear through the desolate halls of Franklin High. 

[prtty-grls]

Ashiana didn't really understand why they were hurrying, five minutes late or ten minutes late, it wasn't much of a difference, even more since Teacher Bitch was going to humiliate them, anyways. Rose might have gone through easily but with Ashiana here and her very despicable attending record, no way they would be left off the hook so easily. Nevertheless, she stayed quiet and just followed her friend in the corridors, since she ahd herself no idea where was the class, to begin with. It was hard to remember that Rose was actually pretty decided on going to college, getting a degree, finding a job when they were the both of them getting high on the rooftop, talking shit about everyone.

When her hand got suddenly grabbed, she looked up directly at her friend and quirked an eyebrow. Holding hands sure wasn't something the both of them were used to do together. But the hold was too strong and the words spilling out of her mouth made the situation very clear. She snapped her head right back in front of her and she saw her, the curse of her life. Cold wrath swallowed her spine and it took all of her efforts to stop her instincts from attacking her.

Though, Ashiana reminded herself that she might have made Rose's life pretty difficult lately. Nothing was close to mended with Shirley, she sort of suspected Rose to still be annoyed at Ashiana's choice to not have come over to fix things the first night, to not have tried since, to have spat at her face words harsher than needed. Any violent feelings could be satisfied later, when Ashiana would be alone with the frog.

She kept her eyes on the shorter girl as she glanced weary eyes towards her and then shifted at Rose. Something seemed to relex in her face and she had a smile for her.

That was when something broke in her chest. She had been avoiding the girl altogether, trying to forget about her mere existence. But the bitch got Shirley and Ashiana would be damned if she'd let her have Rose too. The brunette grinned towards the blue-haired girl. « You know me better. » She let out, maliciously. If these words would have reassured from another mouth, they knew it was nothing sweet on Ashiana's.

In long stride, she was on the shorter girl in no time. « Oh, that seemed heavy, let me help. » She hissed, too sweetly. She settled her fingers under the pile of books the girl was carrying and pushed until they dropped in a mess on their feet, but she kept looking at the tiny girl's face and a wave of disgust at utterly fragile she looked.

She saw the frog looking above her shoulder, probably looking for Rose's help and the fury unwhirled in her guts. Hand now on the girl's shoulder, she pushed until she slammed into the lockers. She stepped so closely to her that they were sharing the same warmth, and she felt disgusted, but something even more disgusting was uncoiling in her guts and it bubbled into her head. She slipped her nails under the younger girl's chin and tilted her chin up. « Ah, so insignificant, what did she find in you, I wonder. »

[imyourdahl-blog]

Back to Basics | 003

[prtty-grls]

Watching her beloved inch towards the door, Shirley sat up a bit and the sheet fell from her frame as fluid as an unfastened cloak. Grabbing for it and covering herself, the blonde looked bashfully up, her cheeks tinged by embarrassment and her cerulean orbs alight with surprise at the threat of loneliness. Straightening her posture, Shirley sat in wait, her lips only parting to exhale a small breath as she watched Ashiana’s gaze flicker to the knob. If the brunette left now, she was sure that she’d take a part of her heart along with her. After all, hadn’t Shirley just opened up? Didn’t she invite along the proposal of a night together? Hadn’t she cut her chest open to bear her heart? Was it Ashiana’s lack in interest that had pushed her back or was it something altogether more complicated? Repulsed by the blonde, did she simply long to fill her time with Rose’s snoring rather than muffled laughter underneath thick blanketing? Would she rather share a couch than even entertain the thought of holding the blonde until the wee hours of morning crept on them?

“Rose is very sweet and of course,” her tone was honeyed and kind, admiring, “good and easy-going. But she’s asleep. Are you just going to rouse her from her dreams to what?” she ran her tongue over her bottom lip in an attempt to quell her throbbing heart, “make an ass out of yourself?” the blonde pressed jokingly, eyeing the other with a look akin to desperation. It had been far too long since they’d lay in bed together and she needed to know that the wanting she felt for Ashiana was not singular, but a coupled need shared on both ends of the spectrum. “And besides, why would you want to leave? You’ve always known I’m high maintenance, so that shouldn’t be what’s swaying you to leave.” Shrinking back against the headboards, Shirley watched as her words settled in and watched with intent, bright eyes as Ashiana chose which road she wished to tread.

It wasn’t fair that she should have to fight, practically beg for the attention that months ago, Ashiana would have eagerly given, if only to ease some of her friend’s heavy sorrow. Since the day of the murders and the days following, Ashiana had gone out of her way to push Shirley back, one small step at a time, layering distance between them because apparently, Ash found their friendship to be a burden; or so Shirley felt. It emptied her, forced her to cry in her room of solitude; when nobody was around to hear her sobs, they would echo through her home, like the desperate cry of a harpie. Where once Ash had come by to have lessons read to her, to drink tea, to tousle in bed and to talk their worries away, there was only nothingness. Every beautiful detail of their previous relationship had been erased or tweaked, changed for the worse. And because of these new complexities, it was Shirley who found herself slowly digging back into a hole of depression.

Letting her eyes fall briefly to the empty spot beside her, Shirley tightened her hold on the sheet and sighed sadly. “Do you love me?” she bravely asked, though her voice could hardly be heard; even in the silence of the room, her words carried feather-like, despite the heaviness of the question they bore.

Never, had they spoken of their feelings. It was always a question; a question she’d never fully been able to comprehend, nor properly deal with, for there were still mysteries surrounding it. But what did their stolen glances, their aching touches and desperate eyes imply if not love? What did it mean that each night, she longed to have the brunette wound in the sheets beside her? What could their relationship, their intimate, desperate friendship even represent if Ashiana’s love was revealed as absent.

Before the words had even fallen from her lips, she knew she shouldn’t have spoken. The question was far too intrusive, far too much for Ashiana to answer honestly. But still, despite the threat that the brunette would spit some sort of disdain and run away with her tail between her legs, there was a chance, especially swooned by the toxicities of drugs and alcohol, that she’d open up enough to speak the truth. If not the whole truth, then Shirley hoped for at least some morsel of it. Right now, in her disheveled physical and mental state, she couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than the confession of Ashiana’s feelings.

Ashiana was so sure she wasn't imagining it, the yearning for her in the blonde's voice. Despite her apparent easy tone, Ashiana knew her and the words stumbled too hurriedly out of her tongue, throwing themselves into the silence of the room with such urgence something warm licked the brunette's spine. For the slightest second, it felt like maybe she wasn't the one being played, maybe this once, she could be the player and a surge of something filthy acidly poured into her mouth.

Sometimes, she wondered if her body was haunted by her father, since it had no home to occupy.

Her fingernails dug into the thin skin covering her ribs, tightening the embrace she had around herself, but it cleared her mind enough to keep a straight face. There was an obscurity she didn't want anyone to see, and certainly not the princess, who could still be found tears welling up her eyes on certain days of the year, significant for the Dahl family only. Uncomprehensible whispers sat uncomfortably in her chest, she opted for ignoring them.

The fulgurant idea of waking up Rose seemed for a second brilliant. She could make her worth her while. If Shirley was untouched, Rose was already mapped and remembered, Ashiana's hands knew the territory perfectly, it would be effortless and pleasurable, habits would lead, because it would be normal. Shirley inviting her in bed, that wasn't. Not anymore. Ashiana never even accepted her invitations at staying on the couch for the night, pretending that Rose's bed was more comfortable.

The younger girl decided not to comment, just staring at her friend, unable to make her choice. Could she keep herself from slipping ? She couldn't keep her eyes away from the naked shoulders and the obsessive image of Shirley's nudity was making her weak in the knees. She was torn with the knowing that Shirley wanted this and the relishing shadow in her lungs that wanted it so badly too.

Her indecision was cut off by the sudden question and it hurt like a blow in the solar plexus. She found herself breatheless and dizzy. Just like any other attack, she suddenly felt defensive, ready to show teeth and claws at the next threat. She could feel her face turning into a sneer and she wanted to hiss in displeasure. The question had been like ripping her skin off and leaving her heart bare to the world, unprotected. It had been unexpected, poking when she had let her guards done and a flare of anger lit up in her guts.

Her eyes suddenly met Shirley's and the tension broke in her body. That wasn't the look of someone trying to pull on weaknesses, it was someone uncovering their own. Ashiana couldn't understand why she was so surprised. Contrariwise to herself, the princess was so open, so easy to read or break, for her at least, she barely ever cover anything. Ashiana knew of Shirley's unrested vital need to be loved, to be cared for. She had already asked for Rose's or her attention. Why did this formulation was leaving her so weary of replying, of complying ?

The silence had been lasting for some time, she noted. She hadn't uttered a word on any of the demands and she could still run away. Somehow, she wished she had before these last few words were thrown at her, like an ultimatum. The younger girl wondered if that was what was left of their old friendship. Silence and hesitations. Attempts to toe the limits of them. Carefully stepping until an alarm was wailing.

Feeling a twinge in her shoulder as she was hugging her ribcage tighter than ever, she finally unfolded her arms and ran a tired hand on her neck, looking down at her feet. She had missed her timing, she had waiting too long to reply. Whatever would come out of her mouth would sound made up. Considering Shirley's expression of guilt, she also guessed the blonde didn't expect an honest reply. Hating herself, she still eased into her old persona, comfortable like a well-worn shoe, remembering all of her curves and angles.

Dropping her hands onto the zip of her skirt, she shook her head. « There's no need to resort to such drastic measure. » She forced the sarcasm out of her mouth, avoiding altogether to reply and begging quietly for Shirley to take the hint, to drop the subject. Keeping her shirt on, she still skillfully took on her bra undeaneath and walked towards the bed. She glanced at the door as she passed it but didn't hesitate to open the sheets and slip in them.

She was submerged by Shirley's scent and it made her hard to breathe without touching the other girl. She put the cover back on her, wishing her body wouldn't be calling so loudly for the other's. Oh, Ashiana knew perfectly what was the next step. They had done that so many times, back in the days. Next step was holding each other's hand, next step was slipping an arm around the other's waist, next step was getting so close than the blanket would soon be too much.

They had been there already. And Ashiana didn't understand why, yet, it all felt so new and raw.

[prtty-grls]

002 // the girls

[prtty-grls]

At the other’s comment on her cooking, Shirley shook her head briefly before turning her gaze on the smaller girl, angling her head delicately to watch the other with attentive determination. “Oh, you’re too sweet for your own good,” she mumbled, nodding slightly as her eyes turned bashfully to the door which Rose had just curtly closed. “Cooking humbles me. And it allows me to give something to my friends. I mean,” she laughed gently and rolled the lit joint between her fingers, “I’ve always found it so comforting to know that Ashiana,” the name tasted stale on her tongue, “and Rose will come around just to gorge themselves on my pastries. Ash,” a bit kinder now,“especially appreciates my culinary prowess. Most times, she’s either taking things that don’t belong to her, or starving, so my kitchen at least keeps her healthy and full, so that’s good.” Smiling sadly, she added, “Good enough for me at least.” Pouting now and swooned by her sadness, the blonde’s back bent forward and all she could to do keep from sobbing out was to bury her face into her clammy palm and muffle the light, pained choke. It was too much, fighting with Ashiana. The other girl, for so long, had been everything to her; her single source of affection, attention, love, and care.

All laughter and innocent touches, joking and light-heartedness however, seemed to clock away with time; the hands lapsing at such a hurried rate, she couldn’t grasp the moving mechanisms and soon, months had passed and relationships that were once so comfortable, became foreign territory. It happened all too quickly for the blonde to properly swallow and now, she was left struggling, fighting to mend a relationship that had changed, seemingly, under her nose, behind her back and in secret.

What had happened to her protector? The girl who’d once mended her heart, had disappeared, leaving behind a bitter shell; a shell intent only on protecting itself rather than others. For Shirely, this idealism contrasted from her own, virtuous take, pushing them further apart. No matter how hurt, no matter how depressed, the princess couldn’t quell her need to provide and care for others. Ashiana, however, had made it her mission to regurgitate remaining love and attentiveness, leaving no room in her heart for what Shirley craved, what she needed. Like magnets, forced to opposing ends, they no longer met.

Now, it was impossible to tell if Ash even gave a damn about her. After all, they didn’t share a bed anymore, even though she’d begged for Ash to think about living with her. Nor did Ashiana stop by even quarter as often as she had a year ago, back when Rose was just entering their lives. At school, in public and in secret, touching the brunette never earned her much more than a cold shoulder, whereas long ago, her silent begging had been responded to with open arms and warm, loving promises pressed to the shell of her ear. Didn’t Ash know that she still needed her love? That now, it was just as important as it once was, for her lonely soul to be aided with the attention of others? Was it so hard to comprehend that she was still hurting? Did Ashiana not realize distancing herself made her blonde counterpart feel as worthwhile as trash on pavement? All happiness had been taken from her when her parent’s lives were snuffed at the hands of a drunk driver; that void had momentarily been filled by a girl who now, made her feel just as lonely as she had those first months on her own.

The deaths of Ashiana’s parents had stolen every ounce of love and from the brunette’s heart, leaving none for the blonde survivor to scrape up for herself. Since their demise, Shirley had been fighting tooth and nail for any sort of warm touch, or expression of care and devotion. Where once, emotion and belonging blossomed as plentiful as a healthy harvest, that same ground was now dry and hard, choking out anything that tried to grow. It broke her; down to her very core, it broke her. And now, more than ever, she felt their distance grow wider, blacker.

In response to Jane’s admiring tone and deep, attentive eyes, what was left of Shirley’s exterior began to melt away. The calculated and immaculate depiction of a strong and virtuous martyr slipping seamlessly from her shoulders as she succumbed to the urgencies billowing within; and in one, desperate move, the princess took another kiss for herself. Joint, smoking and forgotten along with her sorrowful thoughts, Shirley stole, wholly, a kiss that should have been saved for somebody less sweet and wholesome than Jane. However, the nagging in her head told her that this was right; that the younger girl desired to make her happy, to give to her something that nobody else did and for that reasoning alone, Shirley Dahl melted sweetly against the mouth of the other, her thick lashes falling shut and cheeks heating brightly as she bled her desires into their connection, pressing gently to show that this kiss was as necessary as it was wanted.

Emptiness was all-consuming and Shirley refused to let that void resonate for any longer. If Ashiana chose to dismiss and acknowledge their chemistry, their obvious belonging, then she’d show her, boldly so, that the brunette’s company wasn’t a necessary component to her happiness. If Ashiana didn’t want her, Shirley would do her best to show that she didn’t want her either. That Jane Dunn would do just fine for her wounded heart and that there was no longer room to house a relationship that constantly proved toxic and hurtful.

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Rose growled out, her brows narrowed and her throat swollen from emotion. As if their friendships were unimportant in comparison to a fling… “Better be fucking important, you ass?” But she quickly settled, clearing her throat and taking a moment to breathe. Acting over the top would only do to worsen the situation and right now, she needed to be the grown up; usual, adult-like, Shirley had been replaced with a drunken and sad girl, too broken to properly handle herself and Ashiana, well…

“You’re acting like a damn child, Ash. And just so you know,” she lowered her voice and cleared her throat, “Your little displays today are all too telling of how you really feel about her.” Snagging at her lower lip, Rose paced a bit, her stomach churning uncomfortably for behind her bedroom door, the scene had grown quiet and seemingly heavy. “You’re acting desperate. Fucking desperate, Ash. Like one of those jealous girlfriends you hear about on the news. Even though you have no claim on her, it’s like you fucking think you do, Ash. You’re hurting her, purposely, even though you have no say in it. Hell, with how much I give her in comparison to you,” her voice wavered with emotion, “I should be the one drinking and fucking my emotions away. Not you, you prick.”

If she were being honest, Ashiana and Shirley’s relationship had never made her particularly happy; their pent desires to plant desperate mouths over the other’s bodies was so thick, she could smell it, taste it in the air when they were together. It made her feel like a third wheel, made her eager to sink her teeth in too and take a piece of each girl for herself. Usually, when tension was thick, she diverted her friend’s attention from one another, which was easy enough. However, now that Jane had been added into the already odd equation, Rose could sense their unruly trio becoming two, separate duos.

“I invited Jane over,” she hesitated, “not knowing Shirls would stop by, but she did. And well, since you’ve been such a fucking ass today, she’s a bit drunk and high and acting far more friendly than usual. I’m begging you,” she bit out, “to come over here and fucking do something before the princess and the pauper decide that they’re going to leave merrily together. I need you to remind Shirley that you’re not her enemy, but somebody who fucking gives a shit.” Throat swollen, Rose swallowed back the angry tears which forced their way to the corners of her bright eyes. “Because right now, she doesn’t think you give a shit. You ruined her memories, you fucking broke her, Ash. You took something important and showed her you didn’t think it was important by ruining it. Now, fix it. Fucking fix it because I love her,” she breathed out, “and I love you too. And if I lose one of you, I lose both of you.”

Jane, and she couldn't tell how, found it in her to focus on something else than the sensation of having a girl against her. Sexuality has never been an interrogation for her since she just couldn't imagine anyone taking interest in her small and ininteresting, morbidly ininteresting, person. Girls, boys, in-betweens, no one. Jane would stay Jane as long as her life would go, and someday, where her lungs were burning, it seemed it didn't seem to be going on for all that long, anyways. But with Shirley's hair caressing her nose, sexuality was suddenly all she could think about. The softness of the girl's skin, the sweetness of her scent, the delicacy of her curves ; all the things she could never find in herself despite sharing the same gender.

Truthfully, Jane was probably so far from Shirley's realm that the angel could only be considered as an orientation on itself. Jane was Shirley-attracted and that was all of it. No girl, no boy, no in-between. Just Shirley, and her orange blossom perfume and long silky blonde hair which kept grazing and tickling her overheated cheeks.

But Jane found in herself to focus on her words. Not just her voice, but the actual meaning. With a crease of her brows, she asked without thinking twice about it : « Why would Ashiana steal or starve ? » Only when the words were out of her mouth, she noticed how not her business it was and she gasped a little. « Sorry, forget about me asking. It has nothing to do with me. » She apologized hurriedly, hoping she hadn't offended her angel.

When she finally glanced at the other girl, she caught her in a lost moment. The confidence, the smiles, the easiness were all gone and was left unmade Shirley. Jane knew better than thinking it was because of her. How could she influence so drastically the president ? She was insignificant, she was merely the last ripples in Shirley's ocean, the foam dying on the sand at the extreme of her being. Despite knowing that she was as useful as a spoon to empty a lake, the overwhelming urge to comfort the blonde girl was nearly suffocating. Jane wished she could make run freely her hands on the other's arms, give her some warmth, because she felt like she was burning and she wished she was free to kiss her and breathe some life onto her skin.

Jane, for once, wanted to be enough. She felt the desire before. She couldn't let herself need it because she would never be enough. She was already failing herself, her own body betraying her survival. Classes weren't to be talked about. Any hobby would last for a couple of months before dissolving into the amount of useless knowledge she already had. If she was religious, she would pray for any god to give her the right words, give ehr the right gestures, just for this very moment.

And she did pray into the void of her brain to something she didn't believe in. She never prayed for herself, knew better than expecting her lungs to grow healthy within the night or doctors finding a mysterious cure to her system murdering itself slowly. And yet, this felt more important. This felt essential. As if each breathe taken by Shirley were going directly into her bloodstream and they were sharing the tiredness of the older girl.

She was about to stroke gently the president's hand, reminding her of her presence when her lips where suddenly taken. Attacked was more of the word, because it happened so quickly she couldn't have avoided it if she had wanted. She didn't want.

At this moment, it felt like gods did exist.

It wasn't soft and short like their first kiss, not on the corner of her lips. It was a full mouth kiss, taking everything of her, starting by her breathe. She didn't know if the fire was because of her weak constituion or the adrenaline and endorphines running like crazy. And the unkissed girl didn't back away, before she could even think of it, her hand was settling on Shirley's cheek, enticing, nearly begging for the kiss to continue. It was so unlike her to be greedy but something in her angel's pressuring made her feel soft and docile. All she wanted was to react like Shirley wanted to, she wanted to be molded on her desires and expectations.

–

The only reason Ashiana had listened Rose's rant was because she was entirely focused on male's hands travelling along her body. He had strangely soft hands, leaving her skin unscratched where the slipped under the very long shirt she was wearing, the tips of his fingers playing with the hems of her panties and she grinned at him, lost in the moment for a few seconds.

The alcohol running in her veins made it difficult to deal with the two situations. Her phone conversation needed her to be clear-headed, to be empathic. Her new friend situation, though, was easy. She could hang up and drop on her knees and offer her mouth. She could offer to go to his place and be done with thinking about the whole situation for the night, deal with the rest of her life at a later point, and the latest, the best.

But this was Rose, and through the haze of deep want, she could hear her distress. Before she could think any further, she stopped his hand from getting any further under her underwear. She was surprised he actually ceased his ministrations and just dropped annoyedly his head on her shoulder. Fuck, he is cute. And he wasn't making her decision easier.

When Rose finished her soliloque, Ashiana let the silence last for a few uncomfortable seconds. Blaming it on being wasted, she couldn't find the right words and she didn't want to be mean. And if that shit wasn't the most uncharacteristic behavior from her...

It didn't last. At the mention of Jane, all the rage, all the betrayal, all the hatred surged into her body and rolled into her mouth, and she literally growled, and she felt her male friend startled a bit by the deep throaty sound and suddenly she wished he wasn't there, not when she was feeling so raw and naked and her skin sensitive.

« Don't fucking lie to me, Rose, not to me. You love me ? Go fuck yourself. » She hissed into her cellphone. Her companion was suddenly unwrapped from her and was looking strangely at her. But she was too focused on the wrath still pouring on her tongue and she didn't know how to stop it, because it hurt like acid melting flesh. « You love me ? How fucking dare you. » She wasn't making sense, she couldn't pinpoint why it sounded so ridiculous. Maybe it was because that was Rose and Ashiana, they didn't love each other, they fucked and dealt with each other because it was the price to pay to have Shirley too. Maybe because they did love each other but they weren't supposed to tell each other. Maybe it was because Ashiana knew no one could love the heartless shell she was now. « Stop acting as if you know how I feel about her. » She mockingly imitated her friend's tone, her tongue sharp. « I don't fucking feel any way about her. Bitch tried, bitch failed. That is what happens when you bet too big. Thought she could get away with disrespecting me ? I don't give a flying fuck of how broken she supposedly is. At the moment we're talking, she's probably fucking the retard on your bed, Rose. » Her jaws clenched violently for a couple of second and it took so much effort to remember how to relax them. « Get a grip, Brooks. She doesn't give a fuck about how you feel about her either. She's too self-absorbed with the amazement she has for herself. »

A hand suddenly settled on her cheek and she swiped it away harshly before remembering who it was. The male was looking at her, and looked actually worried, along with very obvious awkwardness at the situation. Ashiana noticed she was nearly wheezing. She touched his chest, taking in his warmth. He glanced at the door, then at the phone. He hesitated, a bit too long, before gesturing towards the device, proposing to manage the issue for her if she wanted. She went through the idea but quickly dismissed it.

« Now, if we're clear, I'm going. I was in the middle of something. »

[imyourdahl-blog]

Back to Basics | 003

[prtty-grls]

The tightening hold at her hips, the fever of Ashiana’s touch, drawing her in, was a sweet reminder that her depravation was not one-sided; that this spell, was an interwoven desire that they shared in mutual anguish. A true and mighteous weight that neither soldier could properly conquer, for the battle-field in which they tread was callous and unforgiving. Too many repercussions came in tow with outwardly seeking what their hearts, what their beings truly desired. So in coordination with their already, pre-existing toxins, they prolonged the inevitable capsize of emotions by skirting around truths. Bashfully hiding, depriving themselves until feelings could no longer sit untapped, needing air to breathe. Shirley could feel it in Ashiana’s fingertips as they sank into the supple flesh at her hips; and she could sure feel it when the second brush of her mouth was enough to force the air to catch in the hollow of her beloved’s throat. And oh, how her body ached to resurrect that reaction once more.

And then, the hold loosened.

Breathing in slowly through her nose, the blonde attempted to stabilize herself with an apt reminder that this “infatuation”, feverous as it was, was a danger to her heart and that if they failed to quell the inferno soon, by daybreak, their complications would breech the thresholds which they’d striven to maintain for months now. Moments, such as this, so laden with pert desire that she could nearly taste it on her tongue, were nuclear to the foundations in which they’d moulded. It didn’t matter that these chance “moments” were scattered and far between, for each one prolonged her love, her over-all intimate outlook and desire for Ashiana. Moments such as this, kept her believing that maybe one day, they’d conquer their feelings enough to just let it all slip.

A cute, girlish pout formed at the blonde’s lips at the mention of her old, night-time attire, and it was all she could do to keep from wriggling away, red with embarrassment. Oh, she remembered those days; carefree as they were, Shirley found herself frequently wishing she could revisit. It was easier back then; back when Ashiana had been helplessly silly and disobedient in her youth rather than cold and closed-off. Back when there had been a family for them to share. Now, their lives were a broken mess; Shirley’s, even more fractured than she’d left it as an orphan, before meeting the Gillinkerk’s. Now, things were more complicated than she ever could have fathomed years ago, back when she was that girl in the one-piece pajamas. Oh, how she fucking weeped for that naive girl.

“Mmm,” she hummed out, stepping in accordance with the brunette’s maneuvers as she span them about, slowly in tune with the strumming a of music. “I admire that somehow, you managed to remember those foolish night-clothes of mine.” Snagging at her lower lip, she then stupidly added, “Though, I do think I still have those clothes stowed away somewhere in storage.” And as the lights in the room danced melodramatically around her, she found herself laughing for the sake of her laden heart, which for too long now had carried such weight a lesser-man would have crippled underneath.

Teary at the corner of her ears, Shirley stilled her steps as soon as she felt Asiana draw her in once more. Overwhelmed by the sense of comfort which seeped into her bones, it was all she could do to keep from whining out her contentedness. “You know me /too/ well and that’s the problem, my sweet,” she retorted, smiling charmingly as she slid away from the other’s hold.

Sensing the need for space, the urgency pressing her now more than ever because surely, if they kept dancing her yearning would be her death. Bringing a hand up, eyes on Ashiana, she covered her mouth to stifle more gentle laughter before casually moving away.

Eyes to the ground, the blonde moved slowly around her bed, her hands falling to the hem of her shirt before, in one fluid movement, it was off and forgotten on the floor. “Knowing me comes with great responsibility,” she cooed cutely, pulling back covers in an attempt to distract herself from Ashiana’s musings. “Kinda scary to think that an ass like yourself is the singular standing person who knows me inside and out.” At this statement, Shirley’s lips parted in awe, as though she’d confessed to something altogether surprising and new, and with her brows furrowed in thought, she slipped herself under the covers.

Looking up from her place at the head of the bed, face half-buried into the cushion of a pillow, Shirley smiled. “You know I’m going to make you hold me all night, right?” she informed, a gentle hum echoing from her throat as she continued. “And until I fall asleep, you’re not allowed to move. It’s your fault I’m fucked up tonight, so therefor, you must take all responsibility of me and,” she rolled her eyes teasingly, “my needs.”

Ashiana let Shirley slipped from her hands just like one would accidently drop a glass, because she hasn't been hanging onto her tightly enough, she hadn't meant to let her go, she wanted to have a handful of her friend in her arms, drown in flowery perfume and mango shampoo, of soft-spoken words and melancholic memories about kinder times. She was suddenly guilty and sorry as the other was far from her, but just like she would do, she busied herself picking the pieces without trying to mend the absence. She just looked at the blonde girl without commenting.

And the shirt was off, and her heart seemed to have stopped, and she had seen Shirley without much on her, she had seen her in bikinis and underwears, but never the princess had had this liberated attitude, this debauched look with her messy hair and light goosebump on her skin and Ashiana could only picture the perkiness of her breasts and all she could do was to bite off a whimper of sheer want. Shirley was not hers for the taking. Shirley was not hers for anything. Shirley was terribly out of reach, despite the outreached hands and the tender words, Shirley was off limits.

The realization, even if not new, made Ashiana look away, the echo of a well-known unease singing in the hollow of her ribs but she could finally walked away from the bed, lean against the closet and faked being interested in the turn table, which was now turning on empty, the music long gone without them noticing. She just stared at the empty spinning and felt like she could relate for a second. She couldn't stop herself from clicking her tongue in annoyance. She deserved better than comparing herself to fucking objects.

She heard the ruffling of the sheet and decided it was safe to focus back on her friend. Intense blue eyes were already focusing on her and she couldn't help but let a sly smirk escaped her carefully built expression. No matter how far Chirley would be from being hers, there was always something that was inherently Ashiana's and that was the princess' attention.

Nevertheless, she didn't trust herself to just slid into the bed and behave so she eyed the door and stalled for time. « I don't know. You happen to be a bit too high-maintenance for me. » She teased, crossing her arms against her chest and it was a good call. Here, her fingrs couldn't yearn for blonde strands flowing on the skin.

They were so young when they started to sleep in the same bed, but when did it start feeling different ? Ashiana couldn't pinpoint a moment. She couldn't decide when she had started to want these hands to wander under her pajamas and these nails to dig until the soft flesh of her hips, to want these lips to stop uttering tender sentences to kiss her sensitive neck, just like they had a few minutes earlier. Shirley had always seemed to have a better control on herself than Ashiana. The president, untouched and pure. Herself ? Not so much. Her favorite victim sleeping a room away could testify how the brunette bloomed under caresses of naked bodies and shameless mouths.

It was a secret left untold, but still known, that she offered herself to people, sometimes, often, strangers. She had never felt the use of hiding the bruises on her neck and the scratches on her arms or the new names on her cellphone. And yet, when one of them called, she always walked away from the princess, somewhere she couldn't hear of her impurity, somewhere where sins would still be like a too obivously protected closet she had warned everyone too many times not to open. It was Blue Beard's secret room.

She straightened herself and threatened to walk to the door  just by taking a few steps. « I should probably go to Rose. She's such an easy-going person, isn't she ? » She dove her hands into the pockets of her pants, which was too tight and left her fingers numb after a few seconds only, but she didn't let go of her posture, and raised an eyebrow towards the blonde.

[userspree-deactivated20250328]

[simplyoliviacooke]

Olivia Cooke Austin Hargrave for The Hollywood Reporter

[userspree-deactivated20250328]

Grump

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[imyourdahl-blog]

Back to Basics | 003

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“My sworn protector, are you? My knight? My chivalrous deity?” the blonde mumbled through a small smile, turning her face against the soft skin just below the other’s ear, leaning into her as they lackadaisically stepped in time. “Forever, do you promise?”

If she were being honest, Shirley couldn’t recall the last time she felt the warmth of Ashiana’s hold and it blistered her; from the tips of her toes to the hair which stood upon her head, she yearned for moments like this with each, waking breath. Before the death of the brunette’s family, it had been commonplace for them to cuddle and laugh in youthful bliss over silly-nothings girls of that age entertained. How well she could remember those benevolent moments, as if they had imprinted her heart permanently, singeing its tender chords until the organ would cry for no other than Ashiana.

When things turned bitter for the younger girl, the brunette became a bit sterner and far less apt to outwardly express her concern for the blonde. It was as if the tragedy had struck her friend upside the head, turning her personality, forcing her to act sour, crueler; as if the occurrence had manipulated, somehow, their caring relationship into that of distrust; these days, Ashiana would be quick in choosing to push her away rather than draw her near, like she once had. Oftentimes, she worried that they’d never be able to slip back to more comfortable and familiar mannerisms, and would forever be damned to keeping one another closed off and cut out. However, as Shirley opened her mouth, placing candied lips to Ashiana’s neck in a kiss that only would do to profess her infatuation, she embellished in knowing that her friend wasn’t trying to force her completely away. After all, she was still around, wasn’t she? A slight whimper etched from the elder girl’s throat as she placed another kiss, briefly to the same spot and tightened her hold just a bit.

“I won’t let you get me drunk,” she teased, knowing more than likely, if Ashiana proposed the idea, she’d succumb to temptation before long. “I know better than that. I’m aware of how people act when they’re drunk.” Though honestly, Shirley wanted nothing more than to experiment in drinking with Rose and Ash, she couldn’t let herself. She saw their mannerisms while under the influence; how they rough-housed more than usual and how their touches seemed to linger a bit longer than was commonplace. If she herself were to indulged, she’d surely end up sugary mess, red at the cheeks and voice calling out for attention. “And I can honestly say that I know it wouldn’t be all too flattering for me to be a mess on the floor,” she said, and pressed a chaste, adoring kiss to Ash’s skin, “blushing, begging you to play with my hair and shower me with kisses.” A girlish flutter of giggles fell from her lips as she let the thought play through her mind’s scope; the picture forcing her core to grow hot and ache; the visuals that teased her were almost painful to endure. “I refuse to drink because I refuse to be embarrassed,” she finalized, only half-admitting to her true reasoning’s.

Humming lightly in response to the other’s inquiry, Shirley could only nod tiredly, a simplistic grin forming at her lips as they continued their subtle dance. “Cold? In your arms?” she questioned with a light, bubbly laugh, her lashes batting as she pulled back just a bit, enough to look her friend in the eyes. “Of course I’m not. My protector not only saves me from evil, but acts as a human-heater? Keeping me warm on night’s so freezing. How amiable.” Raising a hand, the blonde placed it to the side of the other’s face, gently cupping as eyes of deep ocean penetrated those of ice. Not knowing quite what to say, or how to properly articulate her emotions, the blonde’s lips parted in hesitation, her thumb swiping across the high-rise of Ashiana’s cheekbone. “Thank you for tonight,” she offered pathetically and felt herself blush a deeper shade of maroon. “I couldn’t have as much fun without you there, Ash. Somehow, you make everything better. More comfortable. How do you manage to do that?” she asked delicately, her question left to linger between them, eyes watching in wait.

Ashiana was aware she was probably imagining the anguish in Shirley's voice, trying to find an echo of something she was herself feeling, but she let herself believe that, maybe, that night, she wasn't the only one hooked up on the other's presence, that, maybe, she was a bit necessary to the blonde girl that seemed to have a steel-grip on her heart and the idea got caught in her throat. « I'm not going anywhere, so I guess that makes it forever, yes. » She admitted, quietly, the breathe lacking to make it louder. What was she supposed to say, except the truth ?

Most of the times, it was easy to deflect the conversation, make a bad joke, often Rose would catch the opportunity to help. Ashiana wasn't stupid enough to ignore that Rose wasn't doing it for her sake, but because she had her own claims on the blonde's affections. It was probably toxic to keep on such a trapped friendships, but how could she care when Shirley was in her arms and not others' ?

And she could feel the girl's breathe on the soft skin of her neck, but she could concentrate on anything, betting that it wasn't meaningful, but when lips were applied, something hiccuped in her chest and her hands tightened their grip on the body they were holding, pressing it sensibly closer. A familiar heat growing in her lower belly was warning her of her faulty decision skills to come. She turned slightly her head, her nose grazing the mass of Shirley's hair, getting high on their scent. The second kiss got a breatheless and quiet gasp of her, and she hoped it got unnoticed. She licked her lips, and the sensation of her tongue against her own lips seemed to remind ehr to her own existence.

As carefully as she could, she tried to itch away from Shirley's mouth before anything could go out of hands, before she could break the careful distance that was supposed to exist. Because Ashiana did not have sex with people she could fall for, and the idea that Shirley had this power over her clenched something in her stomach and she blamed it on the exhaustion and the weed and the vodka Rose and her had been sipping all night too.

« Well, didn't you say the same about drugs ? » She finally teased, getting her shit back together with relief, now it was left to a soft breeze against her skin, she could deal with this, just a reminder of Shirley's closeness, a reminder not to slip. « And here you are. Pulling your cuteness card on me. » She finally remembered that her arms were holding Shirley intimately against her own body and she loosened her embrace, so they could both breathe easier (or maybe Ashiana was the only one with sore lungs). « It won't work. You were cuter a few years ago, when you were still wearing these weird one-piece pajamas. » Ashiana actually snickered at the memory. Not that she was much better, she guessed, but right now she could only remember a younger version of the princess, already prissy, tucked safely into bed by both of the brunette's parents.

She ran a hand along Shirley's arm and grabbed her hand. Stepping a small step away, she grinned at her and forced her to spin gently. The blonde hair grazed her face because they were still so near, and she had to keep from giggling at how good it felt to be some sort of Prince Charming, to be what Shirley seemed to be wanting. Once the twirling was done, she pulled the girl right back into her arms, settling the blonde's arms around her neck once again.

At her question, Ashiana smirked. « I guess it's because of my warm and charming personality. » They were both very aware of the sarcasm. Ashiana was deeply conscious of how prickly and cold she could get in her good days and downright an ass in her bad days. She glanced into the president's eyes and offered her a crooked grin. « Or is it because I know everything there's to know about you ? » She whispered, faking a mysterious tone and waggled her eyebrows. It was going totally against the sappy mood Shirley's mushiness was slowly pushed into the room. Ashiana, though, had never been good with feelings, not since... Not since. She had avoided to look too deeply into herself, scared to find eyes like her father's somewhere in the obscurity.

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Shirley: I never said things were okay, Ash.

Shirley: Tomorrow, you can go back to hating me, but I'm too sad for any of that right now.

Shirley: Right now, I want to forget for a few hours so that my Christmas might be at least a little happy...

Shirley: You're all the family I have. You and Rose. And we both know, she'd busy with all her family junk today; parties and the like...

Ashiana : Don't put this all on me.

Ashiana : Anyways, I take a shower and be on my way, give me an hour.

Ashiana : I do trust you enough to hope there are marshmallows in the damn chocolate, if not I ain't moving from that bed.

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Shirley: Once the sun climbs out to warm the streets a bit, I'll be there with a hot, steaming plate of fried donuts.

Shirley: But there's still frost on the ground this morning, and I planned to wear these heels that will /surely/ make my feet cold if I subject them to such frigid temperatures.

Shirley: Not fun.

Shirley: I'd die, surely.

Shirley: Fickle? Me? No.

Ashiana : I can give you my rangers, it can be my redeeming arc, the obscure villain switching side and helping the hero.

Ashiana : You know... It doesn't mean everything's okay.

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Shirley: It's too cold this morning to go sharing with some hobos.

Shirley: Honestly, it took a lot just to get out of bed.

Shirley: ... You're never not bitching.

Ashiana : Has your heart frozen with the temperature ? Who's gonna save the world if not you. We are all doomed, people. Shirley Dahl has given up on the world. No Savior is coming for us. Say good bye to your wife and kids, your car and your dog, and the slut at the office who gives you blowjob under the desk.

Ashiana : It's to keep you interested. So fickle.

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Shirley: Would I tell you that I have hot chocolate and baked goods for you if I weren't home?

Ashiana : As if you wouldn't be capable to be sharing them with some hobos trying to find me.

Ashiana : Keep 'em warm, and add chocolate in my cup, I know you get mingy just to hear me bitch.

Ashiana : Here, I'm bitching.

[prtty-grls]

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