Jane’s eyes widened at Rose’s obvious dislay of mockery. She was used to be ridiculized, it was more or less an everyday occurrence when she could go to high school, which wasn’t that much and yet, definitely enough. Therefor, it seemed a bit worse that someone would attack at this very moment of contempt and safety. Even more since the girl, an hour earlier, had had enough heart to invite her over. It seemed nothing was left of that girl and Jane coouldn’t hel but glance at Shirley. Was Rose acting like this because the president was here ?
Her face still flushed at the mockery, she felt like she should be going, leave the two friends at their own device, stop being the black sheep. But then, fingers on the back of her hand. And Jane knew better than checking whom they were, because Rose was obviously too far and except if the room was somehow haunted, it had to be Shirley, and yet before she could stop it, she let her look fall on her fingers and there it was, the perfectly manucured hand, playing softly above her skin and something trembled in her and she looked away quickly, unable to pronounce a single thing.
Her breathe did catch a bit less than quietly when the angel’s head settled against her and she was suddenly surrounded by a sugary scent, nothing nauseating, some kind of flowery essence, maybe orange blossoms ? And she didn’t smell chemical, due to the lack of makeup. It was the purest thing she had witnessed, more than tears and shy smiles, but they uncontrolled bit of Shirley. It felt as intimate as their kiss. And that got Jane to shiver at the memory.
She didn’t dare returning the affection, otherwise than hunching a bit more so Shirley could be more at ease against her. She didn’t want to look at Rose, knowing the judgement that would be held and decided for looking at the blanket pattern, clearing her throat lowly, hoping no one would address a word to her yet.
Jane wasn’t used to affectionate touches that weren’t her mother’s. She didn’t have friends, didn’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, anything. Her body had been handled and controlled in clinical moves, doctor’s eyes barely grazing her skin, even when she was in her underwears (she was grateful for this) but it left her totally unprepared to the situation. She hadn’t woken that morning thinking she had to tell her heart to strengthen itself because that day was going to be particularly wide. She didn’t know what to do of Shirley’s attention and touches, and being brought to existence not because people had to, but because someone wanted to.
Her breathe quickened slightly and she hoped Shirley couldn’t notice.
« It’s so cool, you can cook. » She whispered, not trusting herself to be loud without her voce cracking. But it was leaving Rose outside of the conversation and the intimacy was nearly perfect and her lips were quivering in nervousness and she could only bit them to avoid being noticed. « My mother… » That might not be a good move. « She says good cooking is what convinces a man to marry a woman. » And the last words stumbled out of her lips messily and her voice cracked as embarrassment grew.
As Rose announced she needed to leave for a few, Jane wondered worriedly if it was because of her, but the girl was busy on her phone and the young girl reminded herself that the whole world wasn’t spinning just for her. The hand on hers seemed to disagree, though, because the world seemed to have stopped to give her that chance.
She licked her lips, the tip of her tongue touched the corner of her mouth which was still burning of heavenly fire. Now, it was only the two of them and the kiss seemed to pound in the back of her mind, the caresses heavier on her skin. Jane glanced and caught a glimpse of Shirley’s face and her heart got caught up in a frenzy in her chest, and maybe, that was just all too bad for her health, and she wouldn’t care less.
The world was getting blurrier by the minute and yet, Ashiana never had an empty drink in her hand for quite sometimes now. She didn’t know if she was still the one paying for them or if the pretty boy at her side, whose eyes were grazing her thighs, was now taking it on his tab. He truly was cute and there was more than despair in her flirting. Pretty mouth, short blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Darker than Shirl– No, it wasn’t about her at all.
He had been quite a gentleman, never trying to touch her and she knew that kind of men. She’d have to go through the preliminaries in the toilets before they got to the main dish at his place. He kept flashing his watch to impress her and the brunette had to contain a smile at his attempts to woo her. She wasn’t taking the bait just yet, just assuring that his winning would feel sweet enough that he would want to keep her long enough, but she had picked her man for the night.
A new glass was put into her hands. « You need to stop or I won’t be able to walk. » The man raised an eyebrow at her and leaned, still untouching. « I could still carry you. » She rolled her eyes internally, but laughed out loud for him. Not drunk enough for this shit.
Her cellphone buzzed and she rolled her eyes at the texts she received, replying quickly and angrily, before sliding it into her bra. He didn’t comment on it and she downed the drink at a quick pace and finally allowed contact by caressing the line of his arm with the tips of her fingers. He cas obviously only asking for it, because a second later, his own hand was grabbing her thigh, his fingers under her knee as to turn her to face him. She gasped, in surprise, but let out an actual genuine chuckle at his boldness. She liked him when he was all actions and no words.
Ashiana was pretty sure at some point he had told her his name, but she couldn’t quite remember it and now his hand was touching her skin, it was probably useless, she had won for the night. This was a dance she knew all too well. Fucking strangers, for shelter or for the fun of it, when she knew she could still go back to Rose’s afterwards. Of course, Rose hated it, would lecture her (that was an old habit of hers, really) and try to convince her to stop. More than once, she had convinced her to stay by actually fucking her. But tonight, Rose was Shirley’s and Ashiana was giving herself to unknown male hands, whose roughness had nothing to do with her girls’ sharp nails.
She leaned into the man’s warmth, running her hand down his arm and settled it on his knee. She was a bit too inebriated and needed it to keep her balance, but he didn’t seem to mind at all and even grinned at her. « Maybe we can keep chatting. » She proposed looking above her shoulder, towards the toilets. She let a cocky grin bloomed on her lips and the grip on her leg got tighter. « Somewhere more provate, I take. » He completed. He seemed way less drunk than she was, but that was probably a good thing too. She wasn’t feeling like hunting another man, if this one was too useless after she had wanted him in a cubicle.
He got up and shot an arm around her waist, pulling her on her feet and leading her towards the men bathroom. She shook her head, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling him into the women’s, knowing it would be calmer than drunkard trying to piss and stand at the same time. He didn’t fight it, just opened the door for her, like a gentleman and she chuckled, hiding her mouth with her hand. It felt girlier than who she was, but she couldn’t give less of a fuck at the moment. Her elbow, though, now pressed against her cleavage, felt the phone buzzing, something she hadn’t notice earlier. As she tried to grab it, she pushed the man into a cubicle and as soon as the door was closed, his hands were all over her, and she teasingly pushed him away, holding a finger up. « I’ve got a phonecall. »
He didn’t let go of her, but stopped trying to kiss her, so she could take the call, which she did. « Fuck, Rose, can’t you read or what ? Better be important, I’m busy. » The man laughed quietly against her throat and that turned her more than she would have liked to admit.
At the other’s comment on her cooking, Shirley shook her head briefly before turning her gaze on the smaller girl, angling her head delicately to watch the other with attentive determination. “Oh, you’re too sweet for your own good,” she mumbled, nodding slightly as her eyes turned bashfully to the door which Rose had just curtly closed. “Cooking humbles me. And it allows me to give something to my friends. I mean,” she laughed gently and rolled the lit joint between her fingers, “I’ve always found it so comforting to know that Ashiana,” the name tasted stale on her tongue, “and Rose will come around just to gorge themselves on my pastries. Ash,” a bit kinder now, “especially appreciates my culinary prowess. Most times, she’s either taking things that don’t belong to her, or starving, so my kitchen at least keeps her healthy and full, so that’s good.” Smiling sadly, she added, “Good enough for me at least.”
Pouting now and swooned by her sadness, the blonde’s back bent forward and all she could to do keep from sobbing out was to bury her face into her clammy palm and muffle the light, pained choke. It was too much, fighting with Ashiana. The other girl, for so long, had been everything to her; her single source of affection, attention, love, and care.
All laughter and innocent touches, joking and light-heartedness however, seemed to clock away with time; the hands lapsing at such a hurried rate, she couldn’t grasp the moving mechanisms and soon, months had passed and relationships that were once so comfortable, became foreign territory. It happened all too quickly for the blonde to properly swallow and now, she was left struggling, fighting to mend a relationship that had changed, seemingly, under her nose, behind her back and in secret.
What had happened to her protector? The girl who’d once mended her heart, had disappeared, leaving behind a bitter shell; a shell intent only on protecting itself rather than others. For Shirely, this idealism contrasted from her own, virtuous take, pushing them further apart. No matter how hurt, no matter how depressed, the princess couldn’t quell her need to provide and care for others. Ashiana, however, had made it her mission to regurgitate remaining love and attentiveness, leaving no room in her heart for what Shirley craved, what she needed. Like magnets, forced to opposing ends, they no longer met.
Now, it was impossible to tell if Ash even gave a damn about her. After all, they didn’t share a bed anymore, even though she’d begged for Ash to think about living with her. Nor did Ashiana stop by even quarter as often as she had a year ago, back when Rose was just entering their lives. At school, in public and in secret, touching the brunette never earned her much more than a cold shoulder, whereas long ago, her silent begging had been responded to with open arms and warm, loving promises pressed to the shell of her ear. Didn’t Ash know that she still needed her love? That now, it was just as important as it once was, for her lonely soul to be aided with the attention of others? Was it so hard to comprehend that she was still hurting? Did Ashiana not realize distancing herself made her blonde counterpart feel as worthwhile as trash on pavement? All happiness had been taken from her when her parent’s lives were snuffed at the hands of a drunk driver; that void had momentarily been filled by a girl who now, made her feel just as lonely as she had those first months on her own.
The deaths of Ashiana’s parents had stolen every ounce of love and from the brunette’s heart, leaving none for the blonde survivor to scrape up for herself. Since their demise, Shirley had been fighting tooth and nail for any sort of warm touch, or expression of care and devotion. Where once, emotion and belonging blossomed as plentiful as a healthy harvest, that same ground was now dry and hard, choking out anything that tried to grow. It broke her; down to her very core, it broke her. And now, more than ever, she felt their distance grow wider, blacker.
In response to Jane’s admiring tone and deep, attentive eyes, what was left of Shirley’s exterior began to melt away. The calculated and immaculate depiction of a strong and virtuous martyr slipping seamlessly from her shoulders as she succumbed to the urgencies billowing within; and in one, desperate move, the princess took another kiss for herself. Joint, smoking and forgotten along with her sorrowful thoughts, Shirley stole, wholly, a kiss that should have been saved for somebody less sweet and wholesome than Jane. However, the nagging in her head told her that this was right; that the younger girl desired to make her happy, to give to her something that nobody else did and for that reasoning alone, Shirley Dahl melted sweetly against the mouth of the other, her thick lashes falling shut and cheeks heating brightly as she bled her desires into their connection, pressing gently to show that this kiss was as necessary as it was wanted.
Emptiness was all-consuming and Shirley refused to let that void resonate for any longer. If Ashiana chose to dismiss and acknowledge their chemistry, their obvious belonging, then she’d show her, boldly so, that the brunette’s company wasn’t a necessary component to her happiness. If Ashiana didn’t want her, Shirley would do her best to show that she didn’t want her either. That Jane Dunn would do just fine for her wounded heart and that there was no longer room to house a relationship that constantly proved toxic and hurtful.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Rose growled out, her brows narrowed and her throat swollen from emotion. As if their friendships were unimportant in comparison to a fling… “Better be fucking important, you ass?” But she quickly settled, clearing her throat and taking a moment to breathe. Acting over the top would only do to worsen the situation and right now, she needed to be the grown up; usual, adult-like, Shirley had been replaced with a drunken and sad girl, too broken to properly handle herself and Ashiana, well…
“You’re acting like a damn child, Ash. And just so you know,” she lowered her voice and cleared her throat, “Your little displays today are all too telling of how you really feel about her.” Snagging at her lower lip, Rose paced a bit, her stomach churning uncomfortably for behind her bedroom door, the scene had grown quiet and seemingly heavy. “You’re acting desperate. Fucking desperate, Ash. Like one of those jealous girlfriends you hear about on the news. Even though you have no claim on her, it’s like you fucking think you do, Ash. You’re hurting her, purposely, even though you have no say in it. Hell, with how much I give her in comparison to you,” her voice wavered with emotion, “I should be the one drinking and fucking my emotions away. Not you, you prick.”
If she were being honest, Ashiana and Shirley’s relationship had never made her particularly happy; their pent desires to plant desperate mouths over the other’s bodies was so thick, she could smell it, taste it in the air when they were together. It made her feel like a third wheel, made her eager to sink her teeth in too and take a piece of each girl for herself. Usually, when tension was thick, she diverted her friend’s attention from one another, which was easy enough. However, now that Jane had been added into the already odd equation, Rose could sense their unruly trio becoming two, separate duos.
“I invited Jane over,” she hesitated, “not knowing Shirls would stop by, but she did. And well, since you’ve been such a fucking ass today, she’s a bit drunk and high and acting far more friendly than usual. I’m begging you,” she bit out, “to come over here and fucking do something before the princess and the pauper decide that they’re going to leave merrily together. I need you to remind Shirley that you’re not her enemy, but somebody who fucking gives a shit.” Throat swollen, Rose swallowed back the angry tears which forced their way to the corners of her bright eyes. “Because right now, she doesn’t think you give a shit. You ruined her memories, you fucking broke her, Ash. You took something important and showed her you didn’t think it was important by ruining it. Now, fix it. Fucking fix it because I love her,” she breathed out, “and I love you too. And if I lose one of you, I lose both of you.”
