psyched and caffinated

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[psychedandcaffinated]

I'm looking forward

to you coming home

to me

I'm not at home

until

you're here

[psychedandcaffinated]

the idea of you alone

consumes and eats

me alive

all I demand

is your fervor

your intoxicating breath

filling my impatient lungs

allow yourself to be mine

[psychedandcaffinated]

I saw what was left

of that wounded animal on the side of the road

broken bones crumbling

under my caress

your frothing maw

snapping and screaming

at any attempts for reassurance and

hope

oh little one, I know you don't know

not everything is out to hurt you

all you've known is murderous indifference

but flesh and love can make you whole

[psychedandcaffinated]

rarely is healing

a magnificent rainbow

streaking across the sky

after the crushing blow of summer

thunderstorms

the noice of healing is oft quite suprise

healing is the easier breath

it's a quite cup of coffee

and no need to rush

healing isn't a magnificent revelation

but it's found in the voice of the

first bird singing after the

downpour of pain

[psychedandcaffinated]

"The past is over,

And the future is yet to come.

Focus only on the present"

but what if in the present moment

their is a distinct lack

of what should be there

my rage demands reality be different

promises that can never be kept

memories that can never be made

you SHOULD be here

your ghost gives me no comfort

and all that's left is the ache

[psychedandcaffinated]

I don't know

if the intensity within me

has a voice

I don't know

what it would sound like

but

I can't help but scream from my lungs

this demand for life

with all it's depth and breadth

I can't help but expell this

passion

Life is for the living

[psychedandcaffinated]

I love your poems

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate you saying that :)

[psychedandcaffinated]

I'm still learning to look for the little good things

because the bad is so easy to spot

this morning I slipped in the mud

but didn't fall so it was all ok

and I as I walk I look for the usual cats in their usual windows in their usual homes

the bus waited for the man who

ran to catch it

no matter what your heart may tell you

the spring always comes after winter

[psychedandcaffinated]

I didn't know what life could look like

on the other side of despair

until I lived through it

[psychedandcaffinated]

I can't contain the cost

the price of my tears

the expense of my fears

ripped out of me

as I watch you destroy yourself

discarding my desperation to help

and for what

I molded myself into someone who could

someone who could

help

[psychedandcaffinated]

November

wind catches leaves into flight with all

the fevor of a starving sparrow

dancing in search of something

incosumable

rain on black-as-an-abyss asphalt

drinking in the red of a stoplight

blood running down the street in the downpour

mingling with with the golden glory

of street lamps

I find myself thinking

of my November Guest

I've learned to respond to my sorrow with love,

as both remind me I'm alive

[psychedandcaffinated]

I find life tears me apart

and reintergrates me

back into the crevices of my head and my heart

how is it

that when I wander far

I find myself returning home?

[psychedandcaffinated]

I'm decomposing while keeping my composure

I never looked so pretty dyin' inside

[psychedandcaffinated]

I have this comforting memory

of coming home from my second grade class

in to a house filled with light

and fresh air

the smell of dinner on the stove

the hardwood floors warmed in the sun

relife from a week of hard work

(because, as you know, addition and spelling

is the bane of a seven year old)

when I'm with you I get the same taste

of that rare comfort

[psychedandcaffinated]

i'm trying to tell myself that

invested love is worth the cost

oh! but the cost

the cost

cost

cost

what is the sense in this expense

[psychedandcaffinated]

what it is it in me

so drawn to pursue those who flee

it is as if

my base instict

is to chase you into staying

saying I need you isn't saying enough

it wasn't my choice to love you

[psychedandcaffinated]

what is it in me

that aches and yearns for you?

why does loving you

bring me a pain

that is only soothed

when you are near?

is this merely obsession?

infatuation?

why do you consume my thoughts

and leave me with questions

I feel like only you can answer?

my love for you has thrust me

into a great unknowing