I Know Things

GREETINGS! My name is Liam, and I am a psychic. That's right folks, you heard correct. A real, bonafide psychic! Feast your eyes - nay, your MIND - on my awesome powers of insight and seeing beyond the veil of the waking world! My services are open to everyone! (For a small fee).

[earthdad]

I’m dating a supervillian

[coral]

[officialunitedstates]

what do you call someone who smokes two marijuanas

[officialunitedstates]

double jointed

[officialunitedstates]

what do you call someone who smokes three marijuanas

[officialunitedstates]

dead

drugs kill, kids

[eiruriofidkewoeeifjjdis374738-d]

me: where’s the toilet?

New Yorker: take a left up over at 6th and catch the bus between 12th and 32nd. there you’ll see a hotdog cart at the corner of 53rd…you gotta go on straight past to 47th. between 8th and 34th there’s a little place, ask for Mikey, tell him I sent you an he’ll let you in aight

me: thanks. I’ll just piss in the street

[lemonblossomed-deactivated20210]

[be-loved-moon-deactivated202510]

[weloveshortvideos]

When your best friend calls

[lolfactory]

[passthatdutchbymissyelliott-dea]

my biggest insecurity is that i cant cartwheel. what do i do when im full with glee? just fuckin stand there, it haunts me everyday

[twitterlols]

[psychic-guy]

waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks

waitress: sir please stop cyring

[dutchstore]

How to keep your best friend from getting a girlfriend 👬 by Matt Cutshall

[megachilid-deactivated20200405]

[charroger]

every villain needs a back story  

[meladoodle]

jokes are most certainly illegal. knock knock you say? ill tell you who’s there. the fucking police.

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

[Text from: Pasi To: Liam <3 <3 <3 ] HEY. MAN.  I know i fell off the face of the earth for a while. Switch problems, i got stuck in Biz gear for a really long time. ANYWAY. SUPER SHORT NOTICE. I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. TEXT ME BACK SUPER ASAP.  THANKS. 

[psychic-guy]

[Text from: Liam

To: Babe ;) ]

Yo i’ll holla back no matter what baby, i got ur back! wassup?

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

super short notice, sorry, but will you be my best man at my wedding??? i got your tux and everything covered you basically just have to be there!

[psychic-guy]

(approx. 10 min later)

PASWI YOU B EAUTIFUL BASTA ARD OF COURDESE I WILL I CANS:T FUCKING BELIVE THIS I;M TEARING UP

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

you’ve been crying for ten minutes haven’t you?

[psychic-guy]

DON’T JUDGE ME MAN LOVE ISS A BEUATIFUL THING

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

Yeah. I’m actually getting nervous. which is…really silly considering I’ve been with her for ages now. Maybe it’s because we’re sort of scrambling…i feel really shit…she’s done so much on her own because of my stupid switching…maybe that’s what has me so nervous…sometimes i wonder if she’ll be able to deal with my shit for ever…I know she can, she has for this long already, but it’s just pre-wedding jitters i guess… 

[psychic-guy]

dude.

broseph.

my man. you are the best man i know. aside from morgan freeman. if anyone deserves you, it’s her.

oh man i’m making myself tear up again i’m so deep

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

omg. stop. you’re going to make me wake her up because i’m cackling like a drunken witch.  but yeah. you’re right. i shouldn’t worry.  I know she loves me a lot and I love her more than anything. I really don’t know who i’d be without her.

[psychic-guy]

aw man i’m so happy for you. all jokes aside, you guys are perfect for eacho ther.

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

Thanks :)  I’m going to lay down with her now. I’ll Text you tomorrow, hopefully we can get together and get you suited up for the big day. 

[psychic-guy]

can’t wait, man. sweet dreams ;)

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

Thanks. you too. Love you, Liam.  <333

[psychic-guy]

love you too, my man. o3<

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

[Text from: Pasi To: Liam <3 <3 <3 ] HEY. MAN.  I know i fell off the face of the earth for a while. Switch problems, i got stuck in Biz gear for a really long time. ANYWAY. SUPER SHORT NOTICE. I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. TEXT ME BACK SUPER ASAP.  THANKS. 

[psychic-guy]

[Text from: Liam

To: Babe ;) ]

Yo i’ll holla back no matter what baby, i got ur back! wassup?

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

super short notice, sorry, but will you be my best man at my wedding??? i got your tux and everything covered you basically just have to be there!

[psychic-guy]

(approx. 10 min later)

PASWI YOU B EAUTIFUL BASTA ARD OF COURDESE I WILL I CANS:T FUCKING BELIVE THIS I;M TEARING UP

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

you’ve been crying for ten minutes haven’t you?

[psychic-guy]

DON’T JUDGE ME MAN LOVE ISS A BEUATIFUL THING

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

Yeah. I’m actually getting nervous. which is…really silly considering I’ve been with her for ages now. Maybe it’s because we’re sort of scrambling…i feel really shit…she’s done so much on her own because of my stupid switching…maybe that’s what has me so nervous…sometimes i wonder if she’ll be able to deal with my shit for ever…I know she can, she has for this long already, but it’s just pre-wedding jitters i guess… 

[psychic-guy]

dude.

broseph.

my man. you are the best man i know. aside from morgan freeman. if anyone deserves you, it’s her.

oh man i’m making myself tear up again i’m so deep

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

omg. stop. you’re going to make me wake her up because i’m cackling like a drunken witch.  but yeah. you’re right. i shouldn’t worry.  I know she loves me a lot and I love her more than anything. I really don’t know who i’d be without her.

[psychic-guy]

aw man i’m so happy for you. all jokes aside, you guys are perfect for eacho ther.

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

Thanks :)  I’m going to lay down with her now. I’ll Text you tomorrow, hopefully we can get together and get you suited up for the big day. 

[psychic-guy]

can't wait, man. sweet dreams ;)

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

[Text from: Pasi To: Liam <3 <3 <3 ] HEY. MAN.  I know i fell off the face of the earth for a while. Switch problems, i got stuck in Biz gear for a really long time. ANYWAY. SUPER SHORT NOTICE. I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. TEXT ME BACK SUPER ASAP.  THANKS. 

[psychic-guy]

[Text from: Liam

To: Babe ;) ]

Yo i’ll holla back no matter what baby, i got ur back! wassup?

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

super short notice, sorry, but will you be my best man at my wedding??? i got your tux and everything covered you basically just have to be there!

[psychic-guy]

(approx. 10 min later)

PASWI YOU B EAUTIFUL BASTA ARD OF COURDESE I WILL I CANS:T FUCKING BELIVE THIS I;M TEARING UP

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

you’ve been crying for ten minutes haven’t you?

[psychic-guy]

DON’T JUDGE ME MAN LOVE ISS A BEUATIFUL THING

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

Yeah. I’m actually getting nervous. which is…really silly considering I’ve been with her for ages now. Maybe it’s because we’re sort of scrambling…i feel really shit…she’s done so much on her own because of my stupid switching…maybe that’s what has me so nervous…sometimes i wonder if she’ll be able to deal with my shit for ever…I know she can, she has for this long already, but it’s just pre-wedding jitters i guess… 

[psychic-guy]

dude.

broseph.

my man. you are the best man i know. aside from morgan freeman. if anyone deserves you, it’s her.

oh man i’m making myself tear up again i’m so deep

[pasivalmoriarty-blog]

omg. stop. you’re going to make me wake her up because i’m cackling like a drunken witch.  but yeah. you’re right. i shouldn’t worry.  I know she loves me a lot and I love her more than anything. I really don’t know who i’d be without her.

[psychic-guy]

aw man i'm so happy for you. all jokes aside, you guys are perfect for eacho ther.