I cheated and I regret it. I need to learn coping skills fast because I’m not okay.
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@psylenttreatment
I cheated and I regret it. I need to learn coping skills fast because I’m not okay.
Tell me what more do you want from me? I gave you everything! My heart, my body, my soul, my consciousness! Was that not enough? For you to see me and the bags under my eyes? How I am never alone but always am? For you to ask for more and not see that I just want to sleep forever? You ask why I did this to us here are my reasons: unappreciated, never enough, failure, never alone but always am, inconsideration, and always asking for more of me. What more can I give? I was selfless the entire time; I put everyone before me. I needed an escape. But even then I was getting these messages about not being able to handle something and how you wanted more. Again and again. Making it overwhelming for me and finally I snapped. I made the wrong decision one that I am not proud of and regret. One I tried to make up for. One I have to live with for the rest of my life. One that broke everyone. Communication would have helped but that is a trait that most selfless people tend to lack.
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Hello world! As you can tell from the title I’m a single mother of 2 children. Recently, my house was broken in to. They completely destro
“When a thing hurts your eyes, stop looking at it. When it hurts your ears, stop listening to it. And when it hurts your heart, stop justifying it.” - unknown
Art by Nono Astro Irareza
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“You say that I’m the one but now I can’t find anyone.”-Jody Blue
The more I’m around you the more you annoy me and you refuse to leave. It terrifies me to let you go.
“You don’t love me. You only love the way I love you.”
BFF: “You must stop this madness”
Me: “I can’t stop what goes on in my head”
My Father:
A stranger I thought I knew that made me look at him from a different view. A murderer, only to see the guy who created me, who told me he loved me but then deserted me. A liar, telling me he will never stop the communication we had until one day I told him about the love that I have. 'Til this day I still call you my dad but in my heart you are just another guy who made me think I was dead. Now look at me, I am calling a guy who is not even my blood "dad", not because I want to but because I am forced to. A guy who I cannot even stand to be around, who makes me feel unsafe, the guy who made me who I am today. A guy who took care of me when I was young but to take advantage of me later on. A thief who took my innocence the only thing from keeping the respect in myself. A sexual abuser who touched me on places that I was saving until I was ready but with the man of my dreams. Still to this day I call him "dad" because he is still in my life even though I wish he would leave. I never asked for any of this, I was just looking for a dad who would teach me how to protect myself, who would teach me about boys, who would protect me instead of leaving me or mistreating me. 'Til this day my head has been traumatized, my body has been tainted, and my heart has been cursed.'Til this day both of you have not shown that you cared.
You thought she was an angel, but I treat her halo like a frisbee. - Lil Wayne
House Warming:
It was Valentines Day. The family wanted to throw a party at my aunt’s house because a family member was coming from Texas, let’s call him “Ray”.
One of my uncles got the music going and when we have a party they all start to drink. My grandpa and my uncles. We started playing Mexican bingo while we waited for Ray to arrive. I eventually went upstairs to try to avoid all the noise and the stench of beer. I decided to go into my uncles room since it was the closest and he had movies to watch. Closing the door and locking it behind me, I start to get comfortable in his bed since I knew that when he starts drinking he usually passes out on the couch.
I hear a knock at the door and I open it. It’s my mother telling me that they’re leaving but I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with my aunt. Since she felt like more of a mother to me than my own. She gave me the ok and left and I went back to watching something I don’t remember. The music was still going and they were still having fun. There was another knock at the door and I open it. It’s Ray. He walks in and closes the door and sits on the chair next to the bed. Making normal conversation getting to know me, I guess. He was wearing a black hoodie with jeans and smelled of cigarettes.
The conversation took a turn when he said, “Can I sit on the bed with you? I can’t see the movie from here.” I thought he was going to sit on the edge but he just got comfortable next to me. At that moment I should’ve screamed, yelled, left the room, or told him to leave but I didn’t. I sat there, frozen with nothing to say. The voices in my head started up again making me feel useless and hopeless.
He started to kiss me and the the way he tasted made me gag. He was more aggressive than the first abuser. He then quickly started to take my pants down and I said “no”, it was my first time. He said “Shut up, they’ll hear us.” And I listened, I laid there as he quickly undid his pants and shoved his penis inside me. Feeling everything get taken from me with every thrust. When he finished I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I kept quiet and Ray left the next morning, without a word to anyone.