Badassness

If you think I look familiar, you're damn right. The name's Puck and you can find my sexy mug on "In a NY Minute" on HGTV. Hint: I'm the one rockin' the toolbelt.

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The Bachelorette Pad

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What's the best part of married life?

This.

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You promised to have a threesome with me and my twin sister.

No, no I did not.  And why did I not?  Because I’m not into twincest.  

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If she cheated on Quinn, she'll cheat on you.

Is this that whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” kinda thing?  You must be a half glass empty kind of person.  I trust Santana.  And you, my friend...and I used the term friend loosely here...can go suck a wrinkly dick.  

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If you're looking for a good time on the side, you have my number. - Brooke

Santana made me burn my little black book, so actually I don’t.  But sacrificing my hookup rolodex was totally worth it.  And by worth it I mean my wife and I fucked for hours on end.  That’s as good a time as I’ll ever need.

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One day Santana's just gonna go back to Quinn.

Is this supposed to plant some kind of seed of doubt in me?  Well...hate to break it to you, honey...you’re a shitty gardener.

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My tarot reading told me that you were my soulmate.

And my Snapple cap told me that you are 100% loony tunes.  Guess which one I trust more.

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I got my breasts done for you!

Eden?  No...Jessica.  Holly?  Shit, idk which one you are.  But lets face it, who doesn’t love a great tit job?  You’re welcome.

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What about Cancun?

What about it?  It’s still right where we left it.  You should show someone else all that Mexico has to offer.

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I thought she was just a rebound? You're married?

A rebound from what?  I wasn’t dating anyone.  If anything I would have been the rebound.  Do you even play basketball?  And yes, according to the state of New York, I am indeed married.  Best decision I’ve ever made actually.

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You're married? WTF?

Sure am.  Santana made an honest woman out of me.  Which, according to most, is a damn miracle.  She moves mountains, that one.

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Why did you and Santana get married?

“First comes love, then comes marriage...” I’m just followin’ the rules here, man. Wanna guess what’ll come next? 

[san-hotasfuck-tana]

Para: Will You Be Mrs. Puckerman 💍

Who: Santana and Puck

When: Thursday, 28 April 2016

Where: Santana’s Loft

What: Puck proposes to Santana

Rating: NC-17 for smutty smutsters

Keep reading

[san-hotasfuck-tana]

Para: Sunday Best

Who: Santana and Puck mentions of Antigone

When: Super Bowl Sunday 2016

Where: Santana’s Loft

What: Fluff and hanging out

Keep reading

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Text 📲 Pucktana

Santana: Yeah, she's feeling a lot of mixed emotions rn. Plus, I'll be there to take care of Tigs so that she doesn't have to worry as much.

Santana: But we should spend some time together this weekend. ;)

Puck: Yeah, I bet she is. That's good, babe. I'm sure that'll help her out a lot.

Puck: You're not staying through the weekend?