a lil angsty draft of my fav toxic ex trope with Mattheo
You knew it was a bad idea, as you crawled into the space beside Mattheo.
Does he hate you for always coming back?
Does he hate himself for always letting you back in?
It’s hard to tell what either of you are thinking, both barricaded by each others warm embraces. A forcefield of protection against your own vulnerabilities, flaws and insecurities.
You can hear his heart, pounding hard and firm in your ear, it’s soothing as your hands slide under his shirt, trying to get closer. He rolls on his back and drags you ontop of him, his fingers habitually caressing through your hair.
The room is an ambient of peace, the bed a safe haven after the aftermath of a fight. Mattheo presses a soft kiss to your crown, squeezing you tightly as if trying to absorb you, a reminder to himself you’re truly here. That he hasn’t lost you.
He hates fights. He hates the emptiness that lingers after the door slams, the rawness that burns in his throat from the screaming. He hates to look at himself, the ugliness coming to light in reflection of the mirror. The glass smashes every time.
He hates when you leave, to see your back turn on him. But he knows you hate it more when he forces you to stay, when the anger lunges out of him with a grab of your wrist.
It doesn’t matter if you come back or not— though you always do, Mattheo would come looking for you regardless.
A very fucked up disagreement.
His grip tightens when he feels the small shakes of your body, he should have seen it coming. You always break first. All the steam evaporating out of you, leaving behind a small fragment of who you are.
“Hey.” He hums softly trying to soothe your pain away. He hates hurting you even when it’s mutual. You both carry the guilt, the selfishness to hurt each other and then scramble back to one another for empathy.
“I love you.” You whisper, voice cracking in effort to talk, scooting further up to bury your head in the crook of his neck. “M’sorry.”
He squeezes you tighter, whispering in your ear the words you ache to hear just as much back. “i love you too.” It’s enough to sooth both your beating hearts for the time being, and to allow fatigue to take over your bodies as you lay intertwined as one.
