[ the truth is, kaide’s mind doesn’t work in any sort of cohesive way; even if bryce tries to unravel it, he’s outmatched by leagues, dimensions, galaxies — he can’t, he can’t, he can’t. bryce can’t catch up, no matter how fast he runs, and he can’t fix it. and yet kaide leans into the barest brushes of their lips, his breath letting out in a mingling of heat, a mess of their consciousness. he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, doesn’t know how to get to it, or to reach something, anything, anything, anything that isn’t pain. ]
“Are you going to leave me, Bryce? Leave me here like everyone else?”
[ he still doesn’t get off of him; he doesn’t do anything that bryce orders him to, and the other boy should know that by now. plus he’s scared, and his lips are trailing against the corner of his mouth, like he just wants to taste him but he’s not sure if he should. his fingers press into the tenderness of his neck again, not a warning, but a reflex, and he feels himself tense in response to it, like he’s anticipating what’s to come — anticipating what he might do if he casts the die and the right numbers come up. two, four, six. two, four, six. which one, though? ]
”Are you going to tell everybody how badly I’ve treated you? How I looked at you like you’re nothing? Like you’re a rodent? That is the word you used, isn’t it? A rodent? Vermin. Scum. You won’t tell them how I loved you, though. You’d never do that. You can’t see it, after all. Not like I can.”
[ his tones rise and fall dangerously, like he isn’t sure what emotion he’s attempting to communicate. in the end, he seems to settle on none whatsoever, and that’s the scariest thing of all; it chills him deep into his bones and further still, and his back aches, side screaming with pain that seems distant — disconnected from him in a strange, strange way. he hates it when he gets like this, if he can even feel. hates it so much. ]
[ his question left him stunned. he wasn't going to leave him.
sure their were endless times where he just wanted to bury the hatchet
and storm off -- because he knew he did messed up things sometimes
and maybe in a messed up way he deserved some of the things kaide
did to him or made him do. but he couldn't quite register and put together
exactly why him out of all people on the planet deserved such cruelty.
he knew kaide was broken -- he knew things deep within his skin and pores
that he probably shouldn't have mentioned or even knew but he can't
grasp the reasoning behind the matter of kaide taking it all out on him.
his nose brushed the tip of kaide's as he head switched sides allowing their
lips to still brush together without a care. trust me, he wanted to kiss him. ]
"Leave you? What is there to leave? What is this?
There's no way out of anything anymore.
I'm not going anywhere I have nowhere to go."
[ he should have known kaide wouldn't comply, but it was worth a shot.
his body practically froze at the sudden feeling of his fingers pressing
to his now tender and bruised neck again. fear was an extreme
feeling he felt as of now but he couldn't help but feel a strange
sense of calmness and a wave of ease soak his entire being. it was
an extremely rare occurrence when it came to kaide because usually nothing
but nerves and cold responses were laced between their strange and not
so friendly friendship. maybe that was why he was afraid of this calmness
to slip from his fingertips like sand on a beach. ]
"Loved me? Who the fuck treats someone they love the
way you treat me, Kaide? Tell me because I'm drawing
a fucking blank here. I know you're broken. You're so
beyond the fucking point of mentally fucked up but what gives
you the right to walk into my life and treat me like shit
because of the messed up shit that happened to you?
What did I ever do to you?"
[ their faces were so close but something about the way bryce spoke seemed
so distant. they were so close been seemingly so fucking far away. he couldn't
quite grasp what it was, exactly. maybe that was something he liked. the
adventure. the mind blowing and chilling mystery behind every word
that pushed past kaide's lips. even if it was drenched in utter most insanity
he liked it. even the fights -- minus wanting the frighting to stop -- he liked
it way more than he should have. he wished he loved him. ]
"I'm not doing that.
Do you wanna kiss me?"
prguitarman
dededos
dailybridgerton
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