@pupoflight - Tumblr Blog

for my father i think canada should sink in the sea

#fuck hockey i hate hockey #watched the last of t and i could hear him so clearly #i cant do this i have to kill myself i mias him so fucking much #i can so vividly hear him talk abt all things olympics #he loved to watch sports and he was always invested male and female catagories #i wish i could hear him curse at the hockey players one more time #i miss him so much #mun iskä #mun rakas iskä #entiä selviänkö tätä kaikkee #milano cortina 2026 #milano 2026 #ice hockey

mun iskä

#i want to kill myself but i cant bcsi gotta take care of my dads stuff

i miss my dddaaaad he could help me w all of this he would know what to do but he cant help me cause hes dead and its his things im trying to work on

#i feel like im going to die from just how awful i feel

im so scared the police or the morgue technicians are making fun of my father i dont want him to face any judgement from nobody who didnt know him and even then ure on thin ice

#the police i was talking to today said they tried to look for pictures of him in our home #and said they couldnt find anythinh #and i feel violated and disgusting that theyve been going through our house and our stuff #YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GO THROUGH ANY OF IT #mun iskäääääää......

pupoflight

i cant fathom not being able to call my dad anymore to never see him again i can never cook for him again even tho we made plans that i would soon and i was gonna ask if i could spend this weekend with him but no hes dead i cant do anything w him anymore except take care of his autopsy and burial business and his property and his finances and ........... i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thiiiisss

pupoflight

everything i see just mundane things makes me think of him and makes me miss him and im holding the big owl fake squishmallow he bought for me years ago and im wearing his old american football sweater that he got from his friend many years ago but he gave it to me and my younger dogs name tag still has his number on it and he bought me my washing machine and he installed it in this apartment w a new sink so they fit and he bought me my safety coat that ive been wearing cause its so cold and dark and ohmygggoooooddddd

pupoflight

i dont think i can go back to that house my childhood home knowing he died there but i know i probably have to and idk maybe i need to like pack up like two cartons of cigarettes and a flask for that one cause FUCK

pupoflight

#i'm sick to my stomach thinking abt how these are my last messages to him and he will never see em #i just wish i could talk to him one last time

pupoflight

i cant fathom not being able to call my dad anymore to never see him again i can never cook for him again even tho we made plans that i would soon and i was gonna ask if i could spend this weekend with him but no hes dead i cant do anything w him anymore except take care of his autopsy and burial business and his property and his finances and ........... i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thiiiisss

pupoflight

everything i see just mundane things makes me think of him and makes me miss him and im holding the big owl fake squishmallow he bought for me years ago and im wearing his old american football sweater that he got from his friend many years ago but he gave it to me and my younger dogs name tag still has his number on it and he bought me my washing machine and he installed it in this apartment w a new sink so they fit and he bought me my safety coat that ive been wearing cause its so cold and dark and ohmygggoooooddddd

pupoflight

i dont think i can go back to that house my childhood home knowing he died there but i know i probably have to and idk maybe i need to like pack up like two cartons of cigarettes and a flask for that one cause FUCK

#all that stuff in there.... a lot of me and my sisters stuff and ofc my dads stuff....#idk how any of this works i dont want to be responsible for any of that #I DONT KNOW #im so terrified and i cant ask him for help or call him or hear his voice again

pupoflight

i cant fathom not being able to call my dad anymore to never see him again i can never cook for him again even tho we made plans that i would soon and i was gonna ask if i could spend this weekend with him but no hes dead i cant do anything w him anymore except take care of his autopsy and burial business and his property and his finances and ........... i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thiiiisss

pupoflight

everything i see just mundane things makes me think of him and makes me miss him and im holding the big owl fake squishmallow he bought for me years ago and im wearing his old american football sweater that he got from his friend many years ago but he gave it to me and my younger dogs name tag still has his number on it and he bought me my washing machine and he installed it in this apartment w a new sink so they fit and he bought me my safety coat that ive been wearing cause its so cold and dark and ohmygggoooooddddd

#in our phone call he promused to buy me a new charger cause mine is broken #and he said we could even go together after a schoolday of mine #and he said lets send messages and call each other often and i said yesss #and i called him friday morning and he was dead #im #not okay

i cant fathom not being able to call my dad anymore to never see him again i can never cook for him again even tho we made plans that i would soon and i was gonna ask if i could spend this weekend with him but no hes dead i cant do anything w him anymore except take care of his autopsy and burial business and his property and his finances and ........... i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thiiiisss

#this is like exactly what i wouldve called him up for bfr #but i cant ask him for help anymore #with anything #mun iskäääääää #mun iskä etkö vaan vois tulla takas mun luo #mun iskä......#its so unfair how just on wednesday we had such a long phone call and it was so normal and nice and now hes gone

mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä mun iskä

police came to my apt last night and told me my dads dead

#dk what happened yet #apparently im like his closest contact cause they just told me i have to talk to an investigator #and do all the official stuff #i feel hollow

still nothing

#they sent a police there but they havent called back