Since when was I the one to say the whole 7 years line? That's never been something I've mentioned bc a lot of those 7 years was good. It wasn't as bad as the end, so there's 0 reason to mention it and throw it around like a toy. And honey, I fail to see how this is the only time you've snapped back at me for supposedly treating you like shit. Every time there was a fight, it was never you that came to me to apologize first. I always had to put the work in and suck it up and say sorry, because yeah I knew I had a hand in fucking it all up, but it was also a two-way street, and you always had a hand too. You never seem to stop and think, "Yeah, maybe Kim does snap a lot, but maybe sometimes it isn't only because she's a bitch or unstable or anything like that. Sometimes it IS caused by something. Maybe it's me? Maybe I should say sorry?" I will bring up that during the last fight, that was the only time you have ever apologized to me or even tried to make things better by yourself. And you know what? Even you trying to do that hurt a lot because that meant you knew how badly you fucked up, and it made me remember just how many times you snapped at me and told me that I needed to stop being a bitch when I was going through legitimately hard times and you were basically telling me to sit down and shut the fuck up because you didn't wanna hear about it. If it was because I was trying to make something look good and I wasn't going as fast as you wanted me to, you got mad and called me a bitch because I snapped at you and wanted to finish it BECAUSE if I didn't, it was going to drive me completely and utterly insane because of the fact that I KNEW it didn't look like it should or that it could be better but I wasn't allowed to finish it because it apparently inconvenienced you in some way to just let me finish and to let me feel good about what I had made?? I guess?? I don't know why you did it, but I can only assume it was that?? (In reference to the poli sci club poster we were making, and also when I was trying to outline the words properly on the Love is Love poster for the protest) I never said THAT stuff was terrible. It wasn't. In fact, those were some of the times I was happiest, because I wasn't in an environment that scared me or upset me or made my anxiety go through the fucking roof. No, those are the times I call on in my memory because they give me strength because they're HAPPY. And you want to talk about the times you were there for me? Okay. How about the times I was there for you? How I comforted you, or at least tried my best to comfort you, when your parents called you screaming on days or nights you stayed over at my house because you supposedly didn't do one thing or the other? Or when they would text you, angry with you for whatever bullshit reason they thought of? When you walked all the way here because it got to be too much and I sat with you in the bathroom with Ollie trying to figure out what happened and talk to you until you felt better and ended up needing to go home? Or all the times you didn't do your hw (or I didn't do mine and you helped me) and I made sure you did it? When I did those math video quizzes for you because you felt too sick or gross or tired to do them yourself? Or any of the other shit I did when your life got to be too much for you to handle? If I didn't care about you then, or I never cared about you at all, and you didn't matter and never mattered, I would have never done any of that for you. Like you seem to think I fucking hate you and think it's wrong you got upset, but I don't hate you. I can't. I legitimately can't. I also understand why you got upset, but what YOU need to understand is that after years of someone snapping at you and getting angry at you for little things that shouldn't have mattered and never apologizing, only for them to finally apologize once they FINALLY, FINALLY see that they made a mistake, it gets to be a little bit much. And it hurts a lot when your confidant tells you that you're never going to get out of the situation you're in, that you're never going to survive on your own, that you won't make it. Because you know that's all I've ever wanted for a long time and you saying that basically means you never believed in me (From a previous fight, yeah, but it still haunts me. It never goes away.). You remember the times when I told you I wanted to die and you got mad at me? Told me to not talk like that because you didn't want to hear your best friend talk about wanting to kill themselves? You would stop talking to me if I talked about it too much simply because you were so mad at me. You threatened to tell the person who was causing it most of the time that I was feeling that way. It would have made it twenty times worse for me but you threatened me with it or stopped talking to me when I needed you most. I had to go to others because you wouldn't help me. This haunts me too, because if you really cared about me, if I ever really mattered to you, why would you have done this to me? Why would you not have just helped me when I needed it? Why would you have not just comforted me? Like, dude... I stuck up for you against my own mom. Screamed at her to stop being mean to you. I was horrible to her because of you. I made her feel unloved and unwanted and like her family wanted her gone. I've stuck up for you in multiple other situations as well. I stuck up for you at first when the fight with the group started. But I can't always stick up for you when it's constantly getting me in trouble with people I love. I had already lost Bri basically, and now she thinks I apparently hate her so I've doubly lost her, I've lost others because of group conflicts that I stuck up for my friend for, and I told you I wasn't going to do it anymore. Because I couldn't. And you kept dragging me back into it and said horrible things to me and you expected me to just be okay with it. After it happened you messaged me at least once a day even if I didn't reply. There was perhaps a three day dry spell once, but you got mad at me for that. I needed you to just stay away from me because I needed time. You needed to wait for me to sort through my own feelings and understand what happened and how I wanted to go about things. But you kept texting me during school and getting mad at me for not sitting next to you in Gov and called me immature for not doing so when you were the one who sat away from me first, saying "because you obviously don't want me around." I mean, if you're not gonna sit by me, why would I think you would want ME around? Why would I want to sit by you if you were the one that moved first? To anyone else, that would mean you didn't want to sit by me, so I didn't sit by you because of that. But that was apparently wrong too? I needed time and you were unwilling to give it to me, but god forbid I try and text you when you get pissed off. Because then you would bite my head off because you were pissed. I was sick of being treated like shit myself. You want to throw the 7 years thing around? You really do? Maybe, just maybe, think of all the times you fucked me over and made me feel like shit, too. It isn't! Just! About! You! I needed to take care of myself! And I had sympathy for you but I needed to take care of ME first for once. But god, I better not do that, right? Because how dare i think im more important for once.
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