I have no reason to be sad

[momenalmdhoun]

lost in soulless city

Hello 👋, My name is Momen Al Madhoun / I am a digital artist /a father of two children " Ezzdeen & Amir " I live in Gaza City in the heart of the Genocide, working tirelessly to amplify my voice to the world through my artwork.

I want to say thank you a lot. Your donations helped me improve our displacement conditions. But my family still needs your contributions to keep going We rely on you, you are our hope for survival.

🌟 Our campaign is vetted by 🇵🇸 @/gazavetters List at #291

Gofundme Campaign Link

[purpelsad]

Haven’t posted here in a long time. Felt the need to throw my thoughts into the wind and don’t have my journal on me right now, don’t like notes apps.

I haven’t felt this suicidal in a while, been pretty bad lately. Not sure what the catalyst was but a couple months of a depressive episode aren’t really what I need when I have school starting tomorrow.

I don’t know if it’s worth it. If any of this is worth it. The hell am I even doing. Wake up, work, disassociate, sleep. I have no energy and I can’t focus. Making art sucks for the aforementioned reasons and I don’t think I want to keep doing this anymore. But I need something so I keep doing it, never finishing anything. My eyes are glossed over and my hands are numb and I’m numb. Emotions are more a performance for me to enact rather than something I feel. When was the last time I actually felt anything? Gets weaker every passing year until I don’t think I’ll even feel the numb anymore.

I don’t know what I’m doing

[purpelsad]

My parents have to stop fighting about everything.

Mom doesn’t have full plans

Chad is pessimistic and makes every small thing about his problems

This is bat-shit and I’m just over it.

[thingsbetterthanromance]

Things better than romance

Sleep

[tanknaka]

do you ever see the person you have a crush on do something really fucking ridiculous and you just watch and think “ah yes this is where i have laid my affections”

[c-isnenegro]

[weesmeet]

Leaving toxic relationships whether it be platonic or romantic is so fucking difficult to do. If you managed to do that I just want 2 say that u are so fucking strong ok

[purpelsad]

I'm trying ways to tackle my dumb thoughts and realize what is important. Every time I feel this dread come on I'm going to continuously write down to be positive, that these thoughts aren't me, and then I'm going to do something nice for a random person I care about. I'll help clean my little brother's room, I'll send a picture of a cat to an online pal I hardly talk to. Helping others helps yourself and I'm more than my problems. I am an individual that loves people and doesn't need to cling to someone to feel validated. I will doubt this and be scared of this but this is the truth. I will get over this

[theteenagedisease]

Saw this in CoDA last night. I was definitely able to relate.

[purpelsad]

I'm so scared and nothing makes sense.... I'm so scared of everyone

[purpelsad]

Me: *tries hard to rationalise to myself that my friends won't leave me*

Also me: *pushes people away and makes them leave*

[purpelsad]

Fuck it

I'm just a passive aggressive piece of shit anyways How long do I drown myself before I die?

[badlydrawneverything]

[purpelsad]

Fantasy is suppose to be prefect, and work out. You're suppose to set a date for someone and they follow it. But if even fantasy can't work out properly then what was the point in the first place. If my fantasies are hopeless so is everything else

[purpelsad]

I try to forget when my friend’s mention something about their lives that I don’t know. If I think about it I get sad and won’t stop prying into it until I know, so I just prefer pretending that I never heard about it at all or else I’ll go crazy

[purpelsad]

I think I'll actually get around to killing myself this time

[purpelsad]

Was really close to killing myself today. That's always how it is, always so close to just gutting myself to try and pull out this awful pit in my stomach. I don't want to cause drama because I know I always seem to do but I just hate everything. I wanted to yell at my friends and tell them I hate them but I decided just to leave. I hate my whole existence right now and I hope I die tonight. I really hope I die tonight