Founders + izuna being crackhead fathers
•Tries to have a civil conversation with the kid that’s shit talking his son over the Fortnite mic. The kid calls Hashirama a ‘dumb old shithead’. And he is sad about it. Why are kids so mean???? He can’t let his son play Fortnite anymore
•Takes too many naps and forgets to pick his kids up from school sometimes
•When he rushes over his excuse to the teachers is “Sorry my meeting ran late!!!” but his kids know his dumbass too well they’ll expose him like, “The stupid old man was sleeping again look you can see the pillow imprint on his face”
•He sometimes gets on these little kicks of enthusiasm like, “I’m gonna make a big meal for the family!!!!” Puts his hair up in a hair net and gets to work. Either burns the food, or completely undercooks it. No in between. That is, if he can even finish cooking. He regularly sets off the smoke alarm. The pots are on fire. He uses sugar instead of salt, and can’t tell the difference between zucchini and cucumber
•He has been banned from the kitchen since
•He’s not allowed to carpool for his kid’s friends anymore because he’s too embarrassing
•Tells his kids to cover their eyes during sex scenes until they’re like… 20
•If any of his kids ever cuss in front of him Hashirama literally has a stroke
•Would be the type of dad to yell at his kids for always “being on that damn phone” yet he’s attached to his computer screen for work
•Doesn’t let his kids have phones until they’re literally like, 18. Because phones are distractions and they only need to be used for communication
•Actually he gets his kids those phones that only have like, 4 buttons. One button to call dad, one to call mom, one to call Aunt Mito (Hashirama can’t be trusted) and one to call the police. Who tf else do they need to call? No one hoe
•He’s the cause of the “Please knock” signs on his kids door because he busts in whenever he wants
•Tears off the sign whenever he sees it because it’s his damn house he’ll go wherever he wants
•Will play games with his kids if they want but he prefers less childish games like scrabble, and he loses it when they spell mediocre ass words like, “You had all the tiles to spell judiciary but you spelled juice instead??? Go to your room.”
•His kids learned long ago not to ask him for homework help. He teaches them his own way because shit that’s how he learned, so that’s how they’re gonna learn. And when the teachers ask the kids why they didn’t follow the rules, they literally say, “My dad said he knows more than you.”
•“When I was your age” headass. His kid has the flu and doesn’t want to go to school and Madara just, “I never missed a day of school when I was your age no matter how sick I was” ok Madara but you also probably infected everyone with fucking mono because you couldn’t just sit at home and have some chicken noodle soup
•Gets a call from his kid’s school: “Your son called another kid a *s-h-i-t head* today”
Madara: “That doesn’t sound like my son at all. Maybe you should monitor the other children at your school more closely, since my child is clearly learning this unacceptable language from them.”
Madara when his son comes home: “What is this shit I hear about you using obscenities at school?”
•No soda or sweets in his household you’ll eat celery for a snack and you’ll fucking like it. And for dessert you eat fruit
•Lets his kids argue with each other because sometimes it’s fucking funny. Kids are so savage. It entertains him when they verbally batter each other
•Madara forgets he’s supposed to let his kids believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and all that sappy bullshit. His kid is talking about Santa one day and Madara’s like, “How old are you now? You still think Santa is real?” And his kid starts crying and he’s like well, oops
•He’s the one who tells his kids that if they don’t go to bed early they’ll be eaten by the closet monster, and keeps the closet wide open every night
•Never go to Izuna for advice. His kids are probably socially-stunted because he’s so fucking bad at telling them how to act
•His kid opens up one day like, “I like this girl but she has a boyfriend ):” Izuna’s like ok? And? The best things in life aren’t free
•Or if his kid is too nervous to go talk to a girl Izuna’s like lmaooooooooo just do it pussy
•Kids will probably have to consult with Uncle Madara when it comes to romance
•Izuna is a horrible cook. He can barely make a good PB&J
•He sends his kids to school with cups of insta ramen for lunch. He expects their kindergarten school to have state of the art microwaves available in the cafeteria. They don’t. His kids either starve or eat crunchy raw ramen
2087
ellievsbear
amandla
baratheonpilled
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