From Used and Abused to Proved and Amused by Camren Hernandez
Something I overcame recently was getting out of my toxic relationship. At first, everything was sunshine and daisies and we were best friends. As time went on, I realized he would get really jealous and I thought it was normal because everyone gets a little jealous here and there, however, things took a turn for the worst when I went on vacation with my family to the Dominican Republic.
I was posting normal beach photos of myself on social media and one day I went into the pool and came back to a phone full of messages about how when I got back to New York, we were going to have a serious talk and about how I had no respect for my relationship.
First of all, i deal with horrible anxiety and the fact that my “bestfriend” and my boyfriend at the time was attacking me for no apparent reason made me feel so lost. This basically ruined my whole trip because he made me feel like I was doing something wrong. At the time, I let his words affect me and I apologized. I felt like I was suffocating.
Moving on, there was another situation in which I was waiting for the train to go to his house and the train was taking forever to come. When I finally got to his house, I got accused of cheating and a whole bunch of other allegations were thrown in my face. After that, I started being depressed and feeling alone again and I started projecting my horrible feelings onto my life at home and I would never want to speak to anyone and I would get annoyed so easily.
Just recently, the week of my birthday, he played with my feelings and would tell me he wasn’t taking me out for my birthday. He said he enjoyed playing with my feelings and watching me suffer. Whenever I would cry and try to tell him how I felt, he would call me unstable and emotional. I tried my best to keep this relationship okay and I thought that I could change him by just holding on more.
On the day of my birthday, he ended taking me out and we had an amazing time. Until, I told him I wanted to go to the movies to see a certain movie with him and he was like, “no thats a childish movie, etc”. Finally, that’s when it hit me. If i had to beg someone who apparently was my soulmate, to do certain activities with me, then he wasn’t my soulmate.
The next day, I finally wasn’t afraid of being alone, I realized that I needed to make myself happy. I no longer wanted to feel like I was a burden on him and I realized that my happiness came before anyone elses, especially someone who treated me so horribly. And so, I did it.
I left him and then all of a sudden he switched up, he would call me crying and call my friends and tell them he missed me. And usually, I would take him back but I knew that this has happened before and he never did actually change, so I had to stick to my guns.
It’s been a month and he still writes me long paragraphs about how I need to give him another chance but I honestly have never been happier than I am right now.
I chose to write about this because I overcame a horrible relationship, a relationship where I felt so helpless and stranded and alone. No matter what I did, I was wrong. And for awhile, I let his words affect me and I started to believe I was unstable or I was in the wrong. However, I am super proud of myself for recognizing that I wasn’t the one doing anything, and It was him. I am SO happy that I didn’t let his words affect me any longer and leaving him has made me such a strong person and It has made me completely and utterly happy.
annaxmalina
