so i've been thinking a lot about what Christianity does for the individual.
i left Christianity some 8 years ago now because i felt that being a fundamentalist was the only true way to be a Christian (due to being raised fundamentalist) and obviously fundie doctrines did not align with my queer, leftist, progressive self which i was just growing into at that time. but, as i've said countless times to my irl friends, losing my faith was capital B Bad for my mental health.
now, i'm not saying that it would've been so much better for me down the line if i had kept being this restrictive, conservative Christian. but the way i lost my faith, the manner of it, completely stripping back and going from absolutely believing in God to being atheist, shook my world.
there's something being Christian or belonging to any religion for that matter, does for you. it can give you this sense of connection to a bigger meaning, like the things you do matter, you matter. for me, it was an anchor. i was certainly already mentally ill, perhaps from my early childhood. but being religious gave me the strength to keep things together. i was a soldier for Christ, using prayer as therapeutic self-expression and a means of catharsis. i managed to hold it all together because i felt held. Being Christian made me feel like i was sitting right there in the palm of God's hand, and i truly believed that because of that, ultimately, everything will be okay.
i'm still in the process of finding my way back to Christianity. trying to find the theology that feels less like the trauma of fundamentalism and more like home. the reason i decided to even make this journey is (and this may be considered blasphemy by some), i do believe that religion is the opiate of the masses, at least in a sense. no, i'm not saying we should let religion keep us from class consciousness. what i mean is just as opiates can be part of useful and necessary medical therapy, religion is a great way to feel more connected with the world if you tend to curve in on yourself.
religion, any religion, is optional. i do not believe you need to be Christian to be a good person, i'm going to go out on a limb and say most queer/progressive Christians don't believe this. i only know that personally, i need Christ. i've needed him since the day i was born. and being far from him fucked with my soul, and i don't want to reexperience that.
i know, firsthand even, that Christianity can be a source of trauma for a lot of people. but it can also be a source of healing, and i wish we would all be more open to exploring that.