the last day of january

bye bye

[quicht]

i can feel my heart pounding again, so hard - is that normal? a physical, loud thumping, something short of a scream, trying not to be ripped out but to be noticed.

[quicht]

let me dream a good dream again today, please

[quicht]

i dreamed good again, it was our field trip. In the bus, i wanted the window seat so i separated from my friend, but my row had open windows. they sat next to my friend thinking i would sit next to them. i made an excuse and really sat next to them. we talked about stuff and they kissed my hand on impulse and was shocked then ran away. i liked it, i wish my hands are kissed more often.

[quicht]

i hope my love strangles you, i hope it envelops your neck and never leaves you. it will not kill you, but will feel almost as if you will die. i hope that's how my love haunts you

[quicht]

it would've been simpler if that dream was true, and we really did jump from pool to pool, and you really did confess that you love me. it would have been wonderful

[quicht]

how awful... i have to wake up tomorrow and be alright again, all by myself

[quicht]

if u dont like him anymore then why do u prefer his favorite brand of coffee even tho theres nothing to like in it at all?? :))

[lifeinpoetry]

If Your Body Could Speak

would she forgive you?

— Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak

[quicht]

no one bothered to listen to me anymore, when they lost the want to tell their story after mine.

[quicht]

i cannot understand - how is he the embodiment of grace? wont my lids blink slowly for someone more deserving? see him dance, and it lights up all over again, like nothing ever melted -- restored, reassembled, resurrected. please, someone else, sweep me off my feet.

[quicht]

we always all remember childhood the same, huh? white sheets on the clothesline, swayed by the wind; a tree in the middle of a field of grass, the summer sun blaring through the windows and its curtains dancing , the sound of chimes, and of course, mother

[quicht]

i just imagined someone open the back of my neck and tweak around my bones and nerves and it made me ticklish

[quicht]

the moon looked so good, and it made me realise that out of 15 people here id rather have you. id rather have you. id thousand times leave this place for an echo of your laughter. i miss you. you made the moon cruel to me

[quicht]

i cannot, cannot wait to look at him again, on the 12th, if he comes. to stare at him in awe, and feel inside me endearment, and adoration. to be like a puppy to him. maybe we'll play cards, maybe we'll talk. who knows? who knows? maybe the coward in me will overpower this body again, and avert you? im sorry. i like u, i get flustered, i get ashamed.

[quicht]

ive thought of a thinking that could make me survive this: maybe you and i will meet again,maybe the world needs your young, innocent, foolish heart to mature. i hope one day you notice how eager i am ー how very, very eager i was to always be there to help you. how quick i am to volunteer to be by your side, and how much i looked into your eyes and thought about your happiness intwined with mine.

[quicht]

ive thought about it over and over, and i think i like the pain it gives me when i remember you like someone else. it's so reassuring

[quicht]

i remember hating you, cus i thought u were noisy. i hated the cheerfulness, i hated the volume, i hated the laughter, i hated the confidence, i hated the enthusiasm ー then for a moment u directed them at me, and all the ugly feeling turned into love. i started to want to go to school if it meant ill hear you talk or see you smile somewhere in the background. i can see you have a thing for great people, well, i am not great but even so, even if i am never replied to, even if our conclusion was awful to the heartー you made my dream better, unconsciously. you made me better, for a while.