MBTI & Celebs (x) Jeff Goldblum: ENTP Taika Waititi: ENTP

if i look back, i am lost

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Love Begins
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@quoth-the-raevyn-nevermore
MBTI & Celebs (x) Jeff Goldblum: ENTP Taika Waititi: ENTP
Was chatting with my co-workers in the breakroom today about stuff and I mentioned the one time that I got fired for being gay.
“What? They can’t do that, can they? Really?”
“They can. I mean, they shouldn’t- but they can. I came out to a co-worker and then the next day I was booted.”
“If they’d done that to me, I would have just stolen something out of spite. Like… a stapler or something,” says the janitor.
“Well… I was working for the zoo.”
She paused for a moment and her eyes glossed over. “I woulda stolen so many tigers.”
Firing someone for being LGBT is still legal in 27 states. Pass it on.
Here’s a handy map.
And for those asking, the zoo is in Indiana, but they have since changed management.
PETA being shredded renews my life.
so like okay,
I don’t know why I’ve been obsessively thinking about the concept of “gaydar”
but I have.
Actually no it’s because a straight family member used the term like
“oh I have really great gaydar”
and it made me feel really gross
and it took me like a full hour to realize why.
When heterosexual people say that,
it feels like they’re bragging about their ability to clock us, you know?
like a straight person is telling me that they can spot us queers at 50 paces
and i’m immediately going to be uncomfortable with that,
whereas when other queer folks talk about being able to spot each other
it’s a tool for survival.
Like here’s the thing right?
being able to tell is important sometimes.
Here’s an example:
A couple summers ago I was in a very very small town in Nova Scotia, Canada
(like 6 buildings small)
and I met a woman in the library who was probably a little older than my actual mother.
She was there most days using the wifi
because she lived across the street in an apartment without internet.
We sat at the same table a few times and spoke briefly about life in passing
and after a few of these not-talking-about-gay-stuff convos I was pretty sure she was a part of the lgbtq community
and I slipped in a casual pronoun re: an ex
and she just looked at me,
stopped completely
and said “oh thank fuck, I thought so.”
and instantly started talking about her girlfriend,
it was like this huge wave of relief washed over both of us
because we were in a small rural town and both hovering in this really queer space and unable to talk about it.
Anyway she was really rad and took me to the closest big town to buy me a tim hortons coffee
because she found it reprehensible that I had been in canada for more than 3 weeks already and hadn’t ever had it.
Almost instantly it was like
“oh okay we have this thing in common that other people may not be cool with
but we can actually exist and not hide shit without the fear of violence or anger”
but when it’s a straight person
they’re pretty much just letting you know that they can spot the fact that you seem “abnormal” to them
like great
thanks for letting me know.
[spaces added for accessibility]
We’re identifying brethren while they’re identifying outsiders. It’s that simple.
If you only give a shit about the poor, unemployed, and homeless as an excuse to bash immigrants and refugees, then you don’t actually give a single shit about the poor, unemployed, and homeless
MBTI & Celebs (x) Jeff Goldblum: ENTP Taika Waititi: ENTP
this is just a straight person trying to fathom what these two gay uncles are on about
I mean the whole damn point of the Nativity story is that the supposed son of God (interpret Jesus how you fucking want, of course) was born to a couple of poor, exhausted peasants in the stable for the inn, and his first bed was a feeding trough for animals. That would nowadays be like a poor couple where the mother gives birth in a parking garage behind the motel because they couldn’t find a better place and nobody else would take them in. It’s a pretty gritty setting, and the idea is that God was reborn in some of the rock-bottom lowest circumstances. The only thing majestic was all the angels and shit, and of course motherly love
I get that a lot of the art portraying Madonna and Child as fabulously wealthy europeans in splendid robes and golden light was meant to glorify God + whichever nobility was sponsoring the artist, and while of course it’s genuinely beautiful art, it just always struck me as horribly missing the point, which is that the supposed son of God started in incredibly humble circumstances, among the kind of people that everyone else looks down on
‘Massacre des Innocents’ by Leon Cogniét, 1824. Although the Feast of the Holy Innocents is in a couple of days time, this painting is still really relevant in that it portrays Mary as how She really was: a scared refugee mum, so fearful that Her son was going to be one of the Innocents killed by King Herod.
My new favorite mordern interpretation is this work, José y Maria by Everett Patterson (http://www.everettpatterson.com)
I had to look at this like FIVE TIMES to register all the layers of symbolism going into the piece by Patterson.
The hoodie as a veil.
Weisman cigarettes
Each of them is haloed by an advertisement sticker.
No Vacancy sign on the motel.
Dove sticker over Maria’s head.
Neon sign with a star symbol also over Maria’s head.
The crown over the ‘Dave’s City Motel’ sign. “New Manger.”
The sign behind Jose’s elbow likely says ‘Herod.’
The wee little plant growing through the cracks at their feet.
It’s like a New Testament ‘I Spy.’ I love it!
Ugh.
New favorite interpretation of the nativity.
Ezekiel 34 15-16 on the phone
I looked up that verse and
15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign Lord.16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.
Wow. The amount of detail that’s put into this piece is amazing.
In the USA, it’s 100x cheaper to take an Uber to the hospital instead of an ambulance.
I don’t know if this is true or.. Like, having to pay for an ambulance that is taking you to the hospital? That doesn’t make any sense. What kind of distopian world is that?
It costs thousands of dollars to ride in an ambulance
In America some people with chronic health conditions like epilepsy literally have to wear medical IDs that say “don’t call an ambulance/911”. Some well-meaning person calling an ambulance for you will turn into a thousand (or couple thousand) dollars that YOU are on the hook for, even though you didn’t make the call. So, PSA: if you see someone having a seizure, look for a medical ID! You should only call an ambulance if: the person is elderly, pregnant, or the seizure lasts more than 4 minutes. Otherwise, wait for the seizure to pass, then ask the person if they want an ambulance when they regain consciousness.
Oh my god what. Here in Quebec, if you call an ambulance for something they deem non-emergency, you get a bill later for like $180. But if it’s anything like a loss of consciousness, chest pains, labour, whatever, or if you’re in a public place and a a well-meaning samaritan calls 911, it’s paid for by the government. Seriously, everything about healthcare in the US makes me want to cry.
Imagine a world where you have to wear tags to tell people trying to help you that “It’s ok, don’t try to help, I can’t afford to pay if someone tries to save my life. I’ll just take my chances and hope it’s not life-threatening.”
Literally the point of this post is that Americans do not have to imagine that world. We live in it
Kelly Marie Tran is the most delightful person on the entire cast and the perfect heir for Carrie’s sass and attitude
You gotta have a plan…
i love debbie reynolds
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)
“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time.
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”
She protects her family.
idk if y’all americans and that know this, but in Australia instead of snow at christmas we get these lil shiny bugs everywhere and they’re attracted to the christmas lights and we call them christmas beetles
and despite being australian they don’t bite or anything they just crawl around on your hand and it’s such a good and pure feeling and yeah
‘despite being australian’
“We know what your thinking but this does not want to kill you”
ok this is really sweet
[captions]
Girl: “You glue them on.”
Dude 1: [very confused] “Why would you do that? I don’t glue mine on.”
Dude 2: [also confused] “Yeah, what the fuck?”
Girl: “Have you never heard of gluing them on?”
Dude 2: [incredulous] “No!”
Girl: “Watch this.” [she removes her eyelash]
Dude 1: [slightly panicked] “No, I- STOP.”
Dude 2: [shocked gasp] [pause] [concerned] “Do you still have eyelashes?”
Girl: [laughs]
Fun statistical fact: Cows are about 300 times more likely to kill you than coyotes.
Minor sidenote to statistical fact: If it was common for people to keep several hundred coyotes on their property and routinely chase them into a corral and handle them, this statistic would be different.
this is a great summary of ‘conditional probability’, a statistical property many people grapple with
…I feel like this post just made me realize that both coconut trees and vending machines, items often quoted in wacky death statistics, are both things that people shake vigorously often.
i love that when poe says “that droid has a map that leads straight to luke skywalker” finn says “oh you gotta be kidding me”, implying he knows exactly who luke is and that he’s important. i love that when finn mentions luke to rey she says “luke skywalker??? i thought he was a myth” implying she knows exactly who luke is and that he’s important. i love that luke skywalker is a legend, a myth, a celebrity. do you think he has fans
I like to think that not only is he famous but that because he’s so elusive he’s actually reached cryptid status in the star wars universe. people host parties when a new blurry photograph comes out, get into debates over whether he really exists or not, skywalker-sighting hotspots are full of tourists and conspiracy theorists wearing shirts with a lightsaber on that say ‘I want to believe’ in block capitals.
there’s a popular show where three guys run around the deserted places on various planets that have reported “Skywalker sightings”
it’s mostly just them interviewing crazy yokels who claim they saw Luke Skywalker eating leaves somewhere then going out in the dark and scaring themselves shitless claiming they hear lightsaber noises
Leia hasn’t missed an episode since it began airing
This is important hello (x)
Reblogging again for the fuckboy who ignored it the first time
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT
*slow clap for australia* shit mates. Wow.
I will probably reblog this once a day
yeah australia represent!!