Journal In to Journey On

Odette from the 90's, finding refuge in Davao City, Philippines. Agriculturist by profession but turned into a full-time artist. Her inspiration comes from nature and the people she look up to.

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Hey there!

I'm Odette, 90's girl, from southern Mindanao. Blogging in Tumblr since May 23, 2010.

This blog is all about...

Life snippets

Art(watercolor, lettering, calligraphy)

Quotes

Cats!

Stationery

Thank you for being here. 😁

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In my 20's, I got tricked into thinking I was miserable because I did not have a job, just like everyone else. Looking back, I wasn't really miserable. I was just being in my 20s, experimenting with what works and what doesn't. Living life from being miserable made things worse. I lost my confidence, and I always feel small that I have to seek external validation that I deserve the best things in life. But now, I have my power back, having the confidence I once had, and I don't beg for approval anymore. I may not have everything, but I'm not miserable. I still may not have figured it out in my 30's, but I put myself first every time I have to make new goals.

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This 30s thingy, emotions are extreme. Laughing hard, very sad to the point of crying out of nowhere, getting irritated at little things quickly, getting mad very easily, anxiety that causes sleeplessness, and a lot more. But the best part of being in my 30s is the ability to filter out BS that's irrelevant.

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The journey was messy. But it all makes sense until I got this e-mail.

Learning the Korean alphabet at 14 - learning a new language all alone, at a very young age, surrounded by relatives who are all over the place, never did I think that I wanted to improve and aspire to fluency in my 30s. Blogging - My blogging experience was nothing near professional to be considered as a credible skill that I can include in my resumé. What does future employers gain from posts containing my complaints about anything I can think of and a heartbreak over a guy who might not remember me anymore? My blog was only an outlet for a clueless teenager.

Graphic design - I had basic experience with Photoshop and Illustrator when I worked as a layout designer for our college yearbook. I never really had the chance to sharpen those skills. Until now, I still struggle with those software. Canva was the easiest tool for this task and made last-minute projects to present in my portfolio. I didn't overthink about it anymore when I decided to submit it. When I received the acceptance e-mail yesterday, I realized my experiences were not related to each other but relevant for this volunteer work. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Those moments where I feel like I am all over the place, I found order and a sense of purpose.

This was worth celebrating and I know I can do this with the rest of the Krew team!

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2025 is the best year so far because I can make goals and get support in pursuing them. Also, I can be myself and be firm with my personal choices without explaining myself. Lastly, people who revealed themselves as they are made me realize that I don't have to compromise my non-negotiables when it comes to dating/finding love.

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한국어능력시험 제10회 IBT 합격!

이번 시험은 예상보다 훨씬 어려웠습니다. 결과를 기다릴 때마다 긍정적으로 생각합니다. 한국어를 능숙하게 구사할 수 있도록 응원해준 가족들에게 감사하고 싶습니다.

I must admit that this was not an easy exam. I had distractions while answering questions but I just focused on my goal of passing this test. Why learn Korean? When I was 14 years old, I discovered a brochure about the korean alphabet and learning it by myself, with no teacher to guide me. That’s how I learned about Korea and developed my interest about the Korean language. I learned a few characters and simple phrases. But I stopped because of school.

Few years after college graduation, I decided to continue learning Korean because I was curious on how to reach out to Korean people. And so I found free resources on the internet, free classes from the Korean government, and made a few Korean friends.

I wanted to work in Korea but my main focus for now is to get the scholarship and study master’s in one of their top universities.

[bloomzone]

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I remember having one notebook in college and dedicated the first page for my creativity. I drew "what's in my bag" stuff. I used the Pilot Frixion because that was the special pen I owned back then. Expensive=special haha.

But I got sad because most of the illustrations were gone. I learned that Frixion inks react to heat and I admit carrying a non-insulated bottle with hot coffee inside that I can drink on-the go. That tumblr was placed in front of the notebook all the time so, yeah lesson learned, never use Pilot Frixion for illustrations unless for a sketch for doing math formulas.

[kundalini33-deactivated20260510]

I love a person who studies me. Pays attention to every detail and really takes their time learning me.

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Wala akong natapos today. lol. Ang nagawa ko lang ngayon ay magbayad ng COD.

The rest, gawaing-bahay lang... tsaka mag update sa backlog ng journal. P.S. I miss writing with my fountain pen.

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You don't become family by blood. You become family by your bond.

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Happy Monday

Yung work culture na kailangan sumunod sa boss kahit pinapagawa sayo, labag sa loob mo dahil alam mong mapapahamak ka - it's giving old-fashioned work environment.

Meron din yung kahit magpa-impress ako, gawin ko lahat ng makakaya ko, maabot ko yung expectations niya, wala talaga ligwak. Tsaka di kaya ng katawang lupa kong makipag-close sa kanya. Akala ko ako lang, pati officmates ko ayaw din lumapit sa kanya.

Nakaka-miss yung on-site work pero yung mga nasa on-site na kilala ko gusto work from home. Ano ba talaga?

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I keep wondering why you left. And there were two ways. Either you had another girl, or you fell out of love. But isn't it funny? One day, I saw your girl dating another guy. What goes around comes around! How sad that the relationship didn't even last six months.

[sonderreverie]

i couldn’t shake this heavy feeling in my chest since yesterday. kahapon pa ko umiiyak kasi feeling ko i don’t belong anywhere here. i’ve been pretty vocal about my struggles with feeling a sense of belonging anywhere i go and some days it’s easier, but some days i carry it heavily. like i’m this one piece of a puzzle that doesn’t really fit perfectly anywhere. tas parang napapatanong lang ako sa sarili ko na bakit 3 years na kong nandito but i haven’t met my people yet? there were a couple of times that i thought i finally have but it’s never what i need. i just always feel so different. siguro it’s a me problem na rin at this point. i mean i can’t find any other explanation other than baka ako ang may problema. 🥲

my beautiful friendships from home are what keep me going. our conversations fill up a big portion of my cup and most days it’s enough sa totoo lang. pero meron ding mga moments na ganito na i keep wishing that i have a friend here that i can grab dinner and hang out with. someone who truly gets me and someone whom i can understand just as deeply. i have so much love and softness to give. it’s The Prophecy but for friendships.

i also haven’t felt homesick in a while. since getting back last September, less yung yearning ko to be back home but these past few days i’ve started to feel it again. siguro kasi holidays na ulit and it’s usually around this time na nafi-feel ko yung distance. palamig na rin nang palamig dito + maaga nang dumidilim kaya nag-uumpisa na rin ang seasonal depression. i love being cold and cozy but damn i hate what it does to my body and brain. 😵‍💫

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I remember buying a set of 12 colored pencils because my 2014 planner was also a coloring book. I enjoyed coloring those pages after work. But those colored pencils were taken away from just to give it to someone whose parents are more capable of buying a more expensive set. "I should focus more on my corporate job" than doing artistic things because it doesn't pay the bills. But my soul is always longing to do art, and it also finds me. It was this year when Faber-Castell reached out for an event. And I got this set for free, double the quantity, and a variety that I've been wanting for years.

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2023-2025

I must admit, I stopped making art because I know I cannot own it or I cannot express myself without the approval of others. This year, I experienced a lot of 'firsts' - first travel abroad, first time of submitting my resignation letter(because a wrongful termination masked as resignation is illegal) and although it's not my first time in Manila, it's actually my first time doing tourist-y things like going to Intramuros.

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This is all I accomplished today - creating one home page for my portfolio. Just a few tweaks more and it will be complete. I just have to sleep on it for now.