[sonderreverie]

joy is a friend that knows me well

[sonderreverie]

life lately:

—i had a stressful past couple of weeks kaya yung katawan saka utak ko parang naka-freeze mode for a while. i have a long to-do list but i didn’t feel any urgency at all. nakakafrustrate man pero naisip ko na maybe it’s my body’s way of resting and winding down after the stressful events kaya hinayaan ko na rin. um-okay naman na simula kahapon kaya productive na ko kahit papano and nababawasan na yung listahan ko haha.

—i’ve been hanging out with friends a lot. last thursday, my friend and her husband picked me up and they took me to my errands. weekday kasi yun so walang magdrive sakin. we went to a couple of stores including Trader Joe’s kasi gusto ko ng tote bags haha! we went to craft stores din to buy, surprise, paper and stickers. 😆 tas sinabay na rin namin yung groceries nila. i happily tagged along to H Mart kasi favorite store ko rin yun lol.

—last saturday naman, my two other friends came over tapos nanood kami ng Obsession. i saw that already in theatres but they hadn’t seen it so nag-movie night kami. even on rewatch, that movie is so freaky! haha i loved seeing their reactions though. one of them isn’t really a fan of horror films so sis was going through it. 😝 we ordered shawarma and kebab for dinner. tapos nagchikahan lang kami ng ilang oras pa after the movie. we all needed that movie and yap sesh.

—my mail club is still going strong! it’s almost at 100 subscribers yayyy. i can’t believe how far it has come. 🥹

—yesterday, i finally listed the mini Balikbayan Boxes for sale on my shop. dami kasing requests nyan palagi eh exclusive lang siya talaga for our in-person events. but i finally decided to do it para ma-reach din yung mga hindi nakakapunta sa events namin kasi malalayo. i listed 20 boxes and 15 of them were sold in a few hours. i was overwhelmed but also so excited and grateful! wowowow

—on those days na wala akong masyadong ginagawang productive, i’ve just been playing the sims 4. nakakatawa yung “text” from my sim’s mom. kako sa friend ko even sa game mahilig mang-guilt trip ang parents eh noh haha! cute detail though. i’ve never seen that come through before.

—i received my first paperaica mail! saya rin pala maka-receive ng mail from other shops hahaha. ang cozy pa ng theme niya.

—currently watching Ted Lasso S4. pinaspas namin ni seph yung s1-s3 nung June and July mostly for me kasi matagal na niya napanood. para maka-catch up ako bago mag-s4. i love this show so much. someone said it’s Bluey for adults hahahaha.

—soafer init dahil peak ng summer. i can’t wait for cooler months!

[sonderreverie]

the past few days have been tough but there are still a lot of things to be grateful for. always. ☀️

[lettersofhalcyon]

Hello people of Tumblr! Gamitin ko na rin network ko dito. I need someone from the Philippines with experience in handling healthcare clinic ads on Meta and Google.

Read full info here: docs.google.com/docum…

No DMs please. Just send your introduction via email. Reposts are appreciated. TIA!

[sonderreverie]

from that day in Malibu

[sonderreverie]

minsan gusto ko na lang din mawala sa feed at fyp ko yung mga anek anek sa pinas kasi di naman na nagme-make sense sakin na panay yun pa rin yung mga nakikita ko eh hindi ko naman na mapuntahan o magawa. nakakadagdag lang siya madalas sa frustration ko and it takes my mind away from things na available sakin ngayon dito. gets ba yun. 🥲 dati kasi ayaw ko silang mawala kasi gusto ko in the loop pa rin ako pero ayun nga sa katagalan naiisip ko na parang wala na siyang purpose for me. maririnig or makikita ko rin naman sa friends ko for sure and mas okay yun. hindi ko lang alam kung pano i-reset yung algo kasi yung tiktok ko specifically ay nasa PH region pa rin nakaregister. yung threads medyo nauuto ko pa eh haha!

[ziekseks]

hello tumblr people!!

someone recently reached out to me & informed me that there are people taking my photos from here and posting them on an adult site. this includes not only my old “thirst trap” posts but also my personal selfies.

plsss, if may makita kayong tumblr mutuals ninyo, kindly report those users. i would really appreciate any help in getting these accounts taken down.

i’ve decided to leave tumblr for good. this is not a safe space for me anymore & it honestly no longer feels comfortable staying here. thank uuu tumblr people for the time & connections. we can still be mutual sa ig. pm nyo lang ako for my username para ma-follow natin isa’t isa.

please be careful din sa pagpo-post dito kasi some of my tumblr mutuals are also on that site hindi lang ako. we never really know where our content might end up or who might be affected. mej scary lang kasi even a simple selfie na mukhang sexy, pinopost din sa site na yon.

also, the person who was previously using AI to generate/edit photos is still active sa insta, but it’s a private account. so we don’t really know what she’s uploading there— be careful nalang din & please stay cautious when it comes to accounts like that.

to the person who’s doing this, please remove it immediately. we’re taking actions na sa ginagawa mo. alam kong hndi maiiwasan maging malibog, pero sana hindi yung ikakasira ng peace of mind ng mga taong nananahimik. no one deserves to have their privacy disrespected like this. grabe yang utak mo.

[sonderreverie]

feeling ko high school saka college ulit ako kasi sa pc ako nagtatumblr on a random tuesday afternoon haha! ang lala kasi ng eye strain ko sa app kaya di ako makapost as much. anyway this is me rn nostlagiamaxxing with these photobooth pics lol naalala ko lang nga nung bata pa ko: wala pa ligo, makalat yung background, pero kiber basta magpapacute sa webcam!!! hahaha

[sonderreverie]

no context na mga thoughts ko lately as a scorpio na tahimik lang sa gedli pero pikon na:

of course your relationship now seems so fragile. secret hater yung isa ehhh

imagine being exactly like someone you hate??!! 🤡

okay lang naman manggaya wag lang kupal about it

“ano na naman bang kapekpekan yan”

ang init na amp0ta

may studies ba for people na panay quote ng bible verses online pero soafer opposite naman sa totoong buhay???

????????!!!!!!

nakakatamad magtupi ng damit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aRE U OK FR

??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isabel you’re pissing me off girl

pwede bang dirty dr pepper na lang inumin ko all day hahshagsajsgaha

i want kbbq but i’m not in the mood to spend $100+

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ for everyone trying to get BTS tickets

[sonderreverie]

i always say na burara ako sa gamit ever since bata ako tas naalala ko kinekwento ko sa tumblr friends na i trained myself to not be attached to material things kasi para kapag nawala sakin for whatever reason, di masyadong masakit. pero kagabi nung nag-aayos ako ng mga gamit, narealize ko hindi naman na ako burara ngayon. like yes sometimes nalilimutan ko kung saan ko nilalagay ang mga bagay bagay (probs because of adhd too haha) but i don’t lose things easily anymore. i care more now too about my stuff. yung mga gamit ko ngayon, taon na tumatagal sakin. may mga dala pa ako galing sa pinas na hanggang ngayon gamit ko pa rin.

then i realized it’s because i have my own space now and so it’s easier to keep track of things. na kaya siguro ako burara noon saka walang pakealam sa gamit eh dahil wala naman akong sariling space, walang privacy, tas yung mga gamit ko walang mga bahay. all of my things have their own home now. wala na ring sisira, magbabalibag, magbebenta nang walang paalam, wala nang magnanakaw. hindi na rin ako required na magpahiram at mag-share. ganito sistema nung bata ako so oo nga naman, why would i take care of them kung palagi naman ding mawawala?

i’m thankful i get to heal this part of me now.

[ruesdeluxe]

[stalegarlicbreb]

[sonderreverie]

5/9, saturday 🧚

i got invited to vend at this event kinda last minute. seph had to cancel his own lakad just so i could make it actually. 🥺 the host was lovely! i had heard so many good things about her prior meeting her in person so i was so excited. we were stationed next to the live portrait booth and i loved meeting them as well. they didn’t let us pay for our drawing plus they spoiled me with Bluey stickers huhu ang wholesome lang! there were a couple of filipinos who bought my sticker sheets. kilig ako hehe. my other scrap packs were also a hit.

not sure when my next vendor gig will be but i think i’ll be focusing more on doing events for now. <3

[sonderreverie]

helaaaaurrrr 👋🏼 been so busy and nalilimutan ko na mag post here pero andami ko gusto ikwento di ko na alam san magsisimula HAAHAHAHAHA

[sonderreverie]

mi, first time ko magpunta sa chiropractor kanina. seph has been going regularly tas palagi niyang sinasabi sakin na maybe it can help me with my back pain too pero palagi kong sagot eh ayoko kasi nga may scoliosis ako so parang takot akong magpagalaw. or maybe excuse ko lang yon since di ko nga hilig magpamasahe. 🤣 but my back pains have been baaaaad nitong mga nakaraang linggo kaya in-schedule na niya ako sa ayaw at sa gusto ko hahahaha! marami in-explain sakin yung chiro kanina and she reassured me there will be no cracking bones lmao. she started with my shoulders kasi bukod sa likod, yon din talaga masakit. she basically said my muscles and joints need a lot of work. i felt so much better after the session huhu ganito pala feeling ng walang tension sa leeg. 🥲 next week ulit.

[sonderreverie]

crying over every video of Stevie Nicks performing Landslide live. specifically the Met Gala performance with Sabrina Carpenter where she kept saying “I don’t know” / “we don’t know” after the “can I handle the seasons of my life?” 🥲

this song means so much to me. i found it in 2017 at such a strange time in my life. depressed ako non kasi i was working a job that i had to convince myself so hard that i liked. hirap kaya nung parang all your life you were working towards one thing tapos nung nandun na, marerealize mo di mo naman pala gusto. i was so lost. bago pa lang din kami ni seph non so LDR was so hard on both of us. simula naman umpisa ng relationship namin, we always knew na ang tanging option lang ay ang pumunta ako ng US eventually so we can be together. but since i was just starting my life, that goal felt so distant, so parang nasa weird stage ka ng waiting season na hindi mo alam kung kelan matatapos. pero alam mong dadating at dadating. tapos ayun nga ayaw ko naman sa trabaho ko but i didn’t have the option to quit kasi breadwinner ako and my biggest fear then was to be a “loser” and to be a disappointment. inisip ko na lang na stepping stone ko na lang yun but it was tough kasi di mo naman alam kung saan next na aapak. gets ba yun?? haha. 2017-early 2019 went on to feel like a series of stepping stones na walang katapusan.

anyway so when i found this song, i felt so seen and understood. pero version pa yun ng The Chicks. i tried listening to Stevie Nicks’ version pero di ko bet noon so i loved The Chicks’ version first. sobrang tinamaan lang ako sa “can I handle the seasons of my life?” kasi that time, i felt like i kept wishing for things to be better, pero ready ba ako? parang hindi rin. grabe yung fear to stay stuck but i also feared changing. the thought of leaving home one day excited me but it also scared me just the same. “i’ve been afraid of changing coz i’ve built my life around you” made me think of my mom each time because so much of my identity was built around her. sino ba ako if i’m no longer the caregiver. if i’m no longer physically around her. if she’s no longer physically around me. kung aalis ako ng bahay and if i change, who am i going to be? ganun yung thoughts ko. pero malakas din yung yearning to just go away, leave everything, and know myself more and better. we all know how that panned out anyway and i regret nothing. but i have so much softness for 2017 me. araw-araw yata ako umiiyak sa pila ng MRT while listening to this song over and over again habang pauwi galing office.

this time, in this season, that line reminds me of the version of myself that i had to leave behind so i can grow. masakit na malungkot but there’s a level of pride and joy that this is what i’m choosing.

i’m reminded ngayon na meron akong tinyletter (rip) noon na Landslide ang title and i just yapped there all the time. binalikan ko ngayon and i feel so thankful for my friends who kept entertaining my thoughts then, who kept lifting me up. sana hindi ako nagkulang ng pasalamat sa kanila. sobrang halata sa letters ko how heavy i felt all the time.

tapos, ngayon, i resonate with Stevie Nicks’ version better coz compared to The Chicks, she sounds older.

and i’m older.

and i find comfort in seeing her say na hindi pa rin niya alam if she can handle the seasons of her life.

[sonderreverie]

i need an entire day of just doing nothing. i’ve been having so much fun but i’ve also been having too much tiredness (tiredness??! hahaha) and backpain. 🤣 on top of the socializations, i’ve been working on packing snail mails (ang trabaho niya rin pala talagang gawin! salute sa mga hundreds yung subscribers haha), packing stickers, and preparing for another vendor event. again ang saya saya ng puso ko and i would keep going and going (i’ve been staying up late just doing those) kung hindi masakit likod ko. 🥲

but yeah parang need ko ng isang araw lang na walang gagawin hahahahaha shet

[sonderreverie]

there’s this girl that i’d been talking to online pero first time ko siya ma-meet in person kanina. she sat beside me for a while so we got to chat more. we found out na pareho kaming kararating lang dito almost 4 years ago (we both arrived in june 2022!!!!) pero ngayon lang talaga nag-explore outside our comfort zones. sabi ko kung iisipin parang ang tagal ng apat na taon to finally come out of your shell pero anong magagawa kung di pa talaga tamang time noon eh. sabi ko i tried so many times before but nothing worked out until now. kinekwento ko rin yun kahapon kay seph na ngayon i don’t feel like i’m forcing myself anymore. like i’m not putting myself out there just for the sake of it anymore. tas yun nga sinabi ko yun kanina sa kanya and she said she has felt the same and “it just feels natural now”—like we’re meant to be here. mismo!

tapos sakto kasi siya yung kasama ko mag-man ng booth next weekend for the event i’m vendoring at kaya nagkakachat kami lately just for updates. i’m so happy and thankful she volunteered! nagkwentuhan kami about books and we found out we both love ACOTAR. kung pagkwentuhan namin yung mga characters akala mo ka-batch namin nung elementary. 🤣

anyway naalala ko lang yung times na ang kine-crave ko is to simply find someone who truly gets it. akala ko noon imposible because everyone i would meet all seemed established and secured and complete. habang ako i just always felt alienated and i struggled to find my footing. it’s so crazy that the only way is to really try but never force anything. tas magugulat ka na lang there are so so so many other people who are just like you and somehow the universe has made a way for you to meet.

[sonderreverie]

pareho kaming June 6, 2022 dumating dito hOW CRAZY!!!!! 😳 para kaming si Karen saka Lyca na “june 6 ka??! JUNE 6 DIN AKO!” HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. no but fr how crazy is that???! we didn’t have the same flight/airline though. tas funny pa kasi ang daming times na same kami ng outfit saka iniisip. 🤣 sarap niya rin kausap kasi nag-carpool kami buong weekend so we got to talk deeper. sabi niya kahapon nung pauwi na kami “the universe took its time with us” haaa it really did huhhh? 🥲