not gonna lie i increasingly just find myself thinking... what are single disabled people supposed to do? basically everything assumes that either a) you have never been independent and are fully reliant on caregivers, whether this is parents or a paid carer that you are somehow funding, or b) you have a partner who can look after you, drive you to appointments, pick you up after you've had sedation, advocate for you, be your proxy, do the housework when you're sick, push your wheelchair, be your companion when travelling (e.g. handle the luggage if you're using a wheelchair), etc
and like. first of all even for people with partners that's assuming they're abled themselves and can handle all that. you can't assume that. secondly: what about people who are single, who live alone, who will probably always do so
"get someone to keep an eye on you when you start this new medication" who. "don't over exert yourself" nobody else is going to do the tasks. "this can be a walker or a transit wheelchair so your partner can push you when you get tired" my what
like it's not a coincidence that amatonormativity discussions started / developed in care contexts because it is so often the assumption that intimate partners will fill these needs. but I feel like this is often discussed in the context of "and this is too much to ask and puts too much unpaid labour on the unqualified partner" which is not untrue and needs discussing but like. also. what about people are single, independent adults who are neither emotionally nor geographically close to their siblings etc and are not Disabled Enough to have a paid carer (a group that grows as resources shrink). like are they just fucked then. they're on their own. punishment for failing to be enough of an adult to couple up.
a few years ago i was having a procedure for which i was going to have partial sedation, so they wouldn't let me leave the hospital alone afterwards. even though i would just be getting a taxi from outside the door back to my house
i had to ask my housemate to come to the hospital in a taxi, leave the taxi waiting outside, come inside to fetch me (they wouldn't even let me go from the ward to the taxi even though i could point to my phone and the texts saying that my housemate was outside), and then go back to our house with me. fortunately it was a weekend, so she didn't have to take time off work to do this, but they went on about how she'd have to keep an eye on me for the next day or so
bear in mind that i barely knew my housemate when we moved in together. we had mutual friends but it was an arrangement of convenience
these days i do have nearby friends who own a car, so would potentially be able to pick me up in a situation like this. but they don't live with me. so they wouldn't be able to keep an eye on me overnight as my housemate was assumed to be willing to do. my flat only has one bed in it. like. i don't know. it just seems to be completely beyond their comprehension that somebody could live solo and not just have someone who will look after them?? and this was for a small routine procedure that lots of non-disabled people have, so not even assuming high care needs! hospitals just can't comprehend that single adults exist!
That reminds me of the time I was giving blood and (in addition to my usual fainting shenanigans) there was a concern that the phlebotomist had given me nerve damage.
Trying to get the blood people to understand that I had driven there and that no, I didn't have a partner to come fetch me and monitor me was a flipping task and a half.
It took me over an hour to get out of the centre and I had to promise to call 111 (the non-emergency medical line) if anything happened.... Not sure what they would have been able to do for a tweaked nerve over the phone, or indeed what having a partner there would have achieved...
