The mad divorcee of the Upper West Side ; @rachbrsnhan - Tumblr Blog

Alright, it’s story time. I’m not one to brag, but I might just be the queen of stupid stunts. Today, while I was sitting down to my first cup of coffee, I decided it would be a great idea to scroll through Instagram. Unbeknownst to me, my phone gets a mind of its own and slips from my fingertips . . . right into my mug. Mind you, this phone has been to hell and back. I’ve lost it too many times to count, one time, I thought irretrievably, but was proven wrong; I’ve shattered the screen; I’ve overworked the battery. Today really was the day my phone decided to take its last breath, though, and all it took was a hearty dose of caffeine. Rest in peace, old reliable. Big thanks to my coffee for giving me an excuse to upgrade. Anyway, hi, I’m Rachel. Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s absolutely a nightmare with handling technology? @hollywoodsecretstarters

#hsecretsstarter #i really can't believe tumblr is forcing us into beta now...this is so ugly #anyway here's my lil flower

bwbeautyqueens

You are the only you. That means you don’t lose roles to anybody else. There’s no competition, so they either want you or they don’t want you, and it’s not that they wanted someone else over you.

#{ a picture is worth a thousand words }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: well, i don't know but i guess you'll just have to resist the eye rolls. even if my dad jokes are really bad. i really don't know why i have so many haters. like my jokes are actually great. good because if my old self can do all this crazy shit, i know you can keep up, granny pants. when i'm no longer surviving i'm gonna sing I WILL SURVIVE from the top of my lungs...just for you. oh, i'm gonna be needy af. especially tonight because i think we should just spend the night cuddled on the couch with the pups...while watching tiger king.

rach: in what universe are your dad jokes funny and NOT eye-roll worthy? if one thing's for certain, you've really nailed terrible humor. but? i still love you; it's fine. shut up, you're not old. i don't know how many times i'll have to remind you of that, but for once, take my word for it. really can't wait to hear your rendition of gloria. i'm sure you'll make her proud. listen, if you're exceptionally needy tonight, you can anticipate that i'll be returning the favor. and that sounds like the perfect lazy kickoff to the weekend.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

hollywoodcentralhq-deactivated2

HCHQMeme- Spread the Positivity!

April 3rd-April 6th

Right now it’s a negative and scary place out in the world, and we want to spread some more love! Whoever reblogs this, tell them OOC how much you like their portal of their muse! Please send to everyone who reblogs this post, as we don’t want anyone to feel left out of this meme. You can talk about one, or all their characters in your posts and be as short, or long with your answers. Let’s just make people feel good ♥︎

meme credit

#{ memes }#ill do these in a sec! lemme just get caught up on replies and starters

imessage 📲 soul sista

camila: ohhhhh, kween??? i like that version on queen a whole lot better. whew okay good because i was starting to worry about the latter. glad you're hydrating! i'm doin' a-okay...no tea as of now. but i'm sure there will be soon.

rach: it's the only way to spell "kween". sorry. really? you were concerned about that? my wine consumption habits are as vibrant as ever, thank you. and i trust that yours are, too. oh? is something brewing?

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; camila }

text w. midge

joe: have i mentioned lately that you're my new favorite person? if not, i'm going to be mentioning it a lot more then. that's actually a good point. i don't even know if it's still nasa. might be an important detail to know lol. i got you though. i'll do like an insta livestream from up there so it's like everyone's with me. most powerful, yesss. i like this. it's going right to my head already.

joe: so was mine.

rach: these are things i love to hear. don't worry, i won't let my head get too big. you're my new favorite person, as well, anyway. listen, whoever it is, your space dreams can still pull through, because i believe in your abilities. thank you for remembering us earthlings. we sincerely appreciate the consideration and livestream checkin. suddenly? i take it back. we don't need you getting too full of yourself.

rach: and suddenly i myself feel powerful.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; joe j }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: look, i'll simply be telling the dad jokes...you're the one going to be rolling your eyes. i have nothing to do with it! i'm glad you can keep up granny pants. i'd be so sad if you couldn't. I WILL NOT SURVIVE. i'm needy. i love you so so so much too.

rach: but what happens when you're the CAUSE of my eye rolling? i might be old and feeble, but the life isn't sucked out of me yet. UH, YES, YOU WILL, BECAUSE I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO NOT SURVIVE. please be needy. it makes me feel better about my neediness.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

rachelbrosnahan: Dogs and birds. I miss Midge.

#{ a picture is worth a thousand words }#{ instagram }#{ work ; tmmm }#ill be around tomorrow for real #its been a hell and a half of a day

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: please, those eye rolls are what motivate me to continue with the dad jokes. good good because you should always be on your toes. i mean, it kinda helps that i'm this spontaneous...we'll never be bored. a whole hour?! i don't know how i'd survive. and this is why i love you. this is why i love us. we just compliment each other in the best kind of ways.

rach: really? zachary, my eyes might stick this way, and you'll be responsible. consider me perpetually on my toes. listen, i'm all in favor of this spontaneity. this granny is somehow keeping up. a WHOLE hour. please, you MUST survive. this is attachment at its finest. i love it and you so so so much.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: tomorrow i'm thinking i'll give you all the lame dad jokes because it's been a hot min since i've told a few of those. we can maybe also go riding on the dirt bikes....who knows. so longer than a couple of minutes? ma'am, i might not survive. why yes, you do always come back. we always do.

rach: wow, i'm excited to roll my eyes. lay 'em on me. this spontaneity...consider me fully on my toes. maybe like a whole hour, oops. but you need to survive. honestly? i wouldn't have it any other way. this love, and everything that comes with it, is all i could ever ask for.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: that's what i was trying to figure out because i think i'm wildly entertaining. please do hold me to it cause i'll never change my mind. as long as you come back to me and love me then i won't mind being disowned for a couple of mins.

rach: you're definitely wildly entertaining. i could never get bored, since you always manage to keep me guessing. will tomorrow bring lame jokes? a full musical score? a wild adventure? who knows! okay, promise? pft, who said anything about a couple minutes? but no, i'll always come back to you. i've managed to since december, haven't i?

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: whew okay good, i thought you were going to stick me in the mud cause i was starting to get boring. i'm a-okay with sticking with you cause i love you that much. welp, i mean true...sometimes i say some pretty stupid shit.

rach: i could never stick you in the mud. you, boring? when? okay, listen; i’m holding you to that. which is why the option to disown still stands. but don’t worry, i’ll give it up relatively quickly.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: you'd say see ya later to me??? pls never say that to me. i'd be so lost without you. also, pls never disown me.

rach: not a chance, since you’re no stick in the mud. my heart. i love you. can safely say that i won’t be saying that to you, so i hope being stuck with me is okay. the disowning is debatable.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: thank god we don't have any sticks in the mud around us, right? uhmmmm, no it wasn't.

rach: thank god, yes. if we did, i’d say see ya later SO fast. uh, good, because i was ready to disown you.

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

imessage 📲 rach.

zach: yes ma'am there are real boring people out there. hate to admit it. i'll haw any day for you.

rach: those sticks in the mud have got to go. is that a euphemism?

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; zachary }

facetime → sofia.

rach: [Her eyelids felt completely incapable of becoming heavy and her brain remained active. Nimble fingertips tapped idly at the tempered glass screen protecting her phone. At last, letting out a sigh, she sat up in bed, opening the FaceTime app. Now fully alert, she scrolled to find Sofia's contact and pressed call. As the phone rang, she tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and awaited her friend's answer.]

#{ facetime }#{ facetime ; sofia }

imessage 📲 soul sista

camila: hewwooooo queen, just checking in on you. are you doing well? drinking enough water and wine? let me know.

rach: hello, hi, kween, i'm thriving. definitely drinking enough water and wine. how're you doing? have any tea for me?

#{ call me beep me }#{ texts ; camila }

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