Look at me, I'm sparkling

Rachel Barbra Berry. You may know me as Chicago's Tony Award-nominated Velma Kelly. You may know me as the original Alexandra Ross/Supernova from Broadway's newest comic book adaptation SMASH!. You may have heard that I'm recording my first album or working on my autobiography. But really, all you need to know about me is that right now, I'm stepping back from all of it to work on being the best wife and mother I can.

[queen-humphrey-blog]

[rachelbb-evans]

Oh. My God. That’s. I don’t even have words. I can’t decide whether to laugh or squeal obnoxiously.

[queen-humphrey-blog]

I’ve been doing both all morning. I can’t even help it anymore. I can’t understand how anyone doesn’t like dogs. 

[rachelbb-evans]

Me neither. I swear, Bolt is the best thing to happen to bed and naptime in the history of ever.

[queen-humphrey-blog]

Date: 11th of July.

Photograph by: Santana Lopez.

Matthew’s first bathtime with his Mami, and look how happy he is. God, he’s perfect.

[rachelbb-evans]

Oh. My God. That's. I don't even have words. I can't decide whether to laugh or squeal obnoxiously.

[k-hummel-anderson]

A guy at work was telling me about how he and his daughter were off apartment hunting on his daughters campus for college next year.

How the hell am I going to survive when the twins are gone?!

[rachelbb-evans]

I can't even send Logan to day care yet!

[coffee-shop-blaine-deactivated2]

Wearing the jerseys that Uncle Finn sent them a little while ago :)

[rachelbb-evans]

I'm dying. We need jerseys!

[rachelbb-evans]

Hello everyone

[rachelbb-evans]

Hi Finn! How are you?

[finn-05-hudson]

I’m doing good. I have a break from work, thankfully. And you?

[rachelbb-evans]

I'm doing better actually. Starting to settle down again after the whirlwind that is a puppy, you know?

[rachelbb-evans]

Hello everyone

[finn-05-hudson]

Sup Rachel?

[rachelbb-evans]

Hi Finn! How are you?

[supersamsidekick-blog]

For Two || Samchel

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Sam and Rachel start their “homework assignments”

WHEN: July 2

WHERE: The Evans Home

SAM

The first marriage therapy session had been today and Sam didn’t really know what to think about it. The room had been nice, the therapist had been friendly, but a bit pushy - but maybe that was just her job. Rachel had done most of the talking, of course. He had tried to avoid hard questions, but well, it was only the first session and really, no one was expecting a miracle. He had answered the questions he was asked, not really elaborating much more than the “Yes, No, I feel…”  answers, but the therapist seemed to understand and said they had “plenty of time” to “let it out” or something. Still, he didn’t know if he had done well or not. Could one do well at therapy? Was it like school where at the end of the session you received a grade, because you sure got homework.

Though, this homework was better than any he had received in high school. To eat dessert together. Seriously, that was the homework. An hour to themselves, after Logan had gone to bed where they couldn’t talk about Logan and were supposed to eat dessert together or something like that. 

Hence the reason, he was standing in the kitchen, staring in the freezer. Ice cream or Freeze-pops. Ice cream or…. green freeze-pops. Green Freeze-pops or ice cream with chocolate syrup.  He’s starting to get cold as he stands there longer, staring between the two choices. Finally, he turns to Rachel. “Ice cream or freeze-pops?”

RACHEL

They hadn’t talked about much of anything today at therapy. After their talk with Logan last night, things had at least been less tense and they’d gone into therapy with their heads held high, fingers laced. And they’d stayed that way through most of the session. The therapist never commented, but Rachel took it as a good sign. They were in this together. For better or for worse. Getting therapy didn’t mean they’d failed, it just meant that they needed help to be stronger. Get back to better.

Rachel’s cleaning up the kitchen. She wanted it to be done before dessert, so that they could just stick their bowls into the dishwasher and relax afterwards. Sam’s been standing at the freezer for so long that she’s mentally listing the recipe for a heath cake in her head. She’ll make one tomorrow for dessert. That’d be nice- Wait, hm? “We can’t really spend an hour with freeze pops.” Rachel points out.

They can’t really spend an hour with ice cream either, but it’d take more time for a bowl of ice cream than a freeze pop.

SAM

“Right.” He nods, before grabbing the carton of ice cream…and a freeze pop - they were really good, alright? He sets down the ice cream on the counter as he shuts the freezer. It’s vanilla, nothing too snazzy, but he knows that in the fridge there’s chocolate and strawberry syrup if they wanted to add it. He turns, reaching above Rachel to grab two bowls, his hand moving to her back as he slightly leans against her.

Things had definitely been less stressful since their talk with Logan, but it didn’t mean everything was fixed either. Just because there was less tension and a little more touching didn’t mean the emotions weren’t still bubbling under the surface - they were just being contained for the moment. Was that was therapy was about? leaning to contain the feelings? Or was it to get rid of the bad feelings all together? Would he ever be able to not be a little bitter over the whole situation? He shakes away the thoughts as he turns away from Rachel to get their bowls ready. He didn’t want to think about it tonight. Tonight was ice cream night.

RACHEL

She’s drying her hands when Sam approaches and she smiles a little at the hand on her back. She’s missed the casual touches and they seemed to come easier today, but she’s not sure if its the novelty of their conversation with Logan. Either way, she just hopes it doesn’t wear off once they think Logan has stopped looking. And maybe if it does, he’ll remind them again. He’s that kind of kid. Hopefully, the homework assignments will help too. The doctor said they’re not particularly about talking over what’s happened to them and why things have gone bad (that’s what the therapy sessions are for). The homework assignments are more about getting back to things as a couple. Going back to the things that made them fall in love in the first place, the little things. Like spending time together that doesn’t revolve around their toddler.

Once her hands are dry, Rachel moves next to Sam to help him with the ice cream. “I think we have sprinkles. And food coloring. And the syrups in the fridge.” The ice cream is white, so turning it all sorts of weird colors would be easy. And fun for the both of them. That’s what Dr. Harding had said to do. Try to make it fun for the both of them.

SAM

He turns to look at her, his eyebrow raised. “You mean, you want to add sprinkles and all that? Like we do with Lo-” He sucks in his bottom lip. “Are we allowed to say his name?” He asks before scrunching his nose. “This is weird.” He murmurs to himself before putting the ice cream away and grabbing the syrups. He sets them down before looking back at her. 

“This is a little weird, isn’t it? It’s not just me? Or is it just me? Maybe I’m just weird.” He frowns, moving to grab the other supplies.

RACHEL

So it's a little awkward. It's allowed to be. Dr. Harding even said it might be for the first few night. That a lot of the exercises would be, but they'd be good. That Sam and Rachel might even want to keep some. Rachel nods, biting her lip when he starts to mention Logan. They're not allowed to talk about him at all. "Why not?" She says instead. "It'd be fun. Ice cream is always better with sprinkles and stuff." She's not recording tomorrow, so she's fine to have ice cream, although she really should have frozen yogurt instead. But it's not a big deal, so she doesn't say anything.

"It is, a little." Rachel nods, opening the fridge to grab the syrups. "But it's good. We need to spend time together like this." They'd gone on date nights and stuff, but Logan was always a popular topic of conversation once he was born. Which didn't matter until recently, but spending time together that doesn't revolve around their son definitely sounds like something that'd be good for them.  She brings him the syrups, reaching up for the sprinkles. "How's the novel going?"

[supersamsidekick-blog]

For Two || Samchel

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Sam and Rachel start their “homework assignments”

WHEN: July 2

WHERE: The Evans Home

SAM

The first marriage therapy session had been today and Sam didn’t really know what to think about it. The room had been nice, the therapist had been friendly, but a bit pushy - but maybe that was just her job. Rachel had done most of the talking, of course. He had tried to avoid hard questions, but well, it was only the first session and really, no one was expecting a miracle. He had answered the questions he was asked, not really elaborating much more than the “Yes, No, I feel…”  answers, but the therapist seemed to understand and said they had “plenty of time” to “let it out” or something. Still, he didn’t know if he had done well or not. Could one do well at therapy? Was it like school where at the end of the session you received a grade, because you sure got homework.

Though, this homework was better than any he had received in high school. To eat dessert together. Seriously, that was the homework. An hour to themselves, after Logan had gone to bed where they couldn’t talk about Logan and were supposed to eat dessert together or something like that. 

Hence the reason, he was standing in the kitchen, staring in the freezer. Ice cream or Freeze-pops. Ice cream or…. green freeze-pops. Green Freeze-pops or ice cream with chocolate syrup.  He’s starting to get cold as he stands there longer, staring between the two choices. Finally, he turns to Rachel. “Ice cream or freeze-pops?”

RACHEL

They hadn’t talked about much of anything today at therapy. After their talk with Logan last night, things had at least been less tense and they’d gone into therapy with their heads held high, fingers laced. And they’d stayed that way through most of the session. The therapist never commented, but Rachel took it as a good sign. They were in this together. For better or for worse. Getting therapy didn’t mean they’d failed, it just meant that they needed help to be stronger. Get back to better.

Rachel’s cleaning up the kitchen. She wanted it to be done before dessert, so that they could just stick their bowls into the dishwasher and relax afterwards. Sam’s been standing at the freezer for so long that she’s mentally listing the recipe for a heath cake in her head. She’ll make one tomorrow for dessert. That’d be nice- Wait, hm? “We can’t really spend an hour with freeze pops.” Rachel points out.

They can’t really spend an hour with ice cream either, but it’d take more time for a bowl of ice cream than a freeze pop.

SAM

“Right.” He nods, before grabbing the carton of ice cream…and a freeze pop - they were really good, alright? He sets down the ice cream on the counter as he shuts the freezer. It’s vanilla, nothing too snazzy, but he knows that in the fridge there’s chocolate and strawberry syrup if they wanted to add it. He turns, reaching above Rachel to grab two bowls, his hand moving to her back as he slightly leans against her.

Things had definitely been less stressful since their talk with Logan, but it didn’t mean everything was fixed either. Just because there was less tension and a little more touching didn’t mean the emotions weren’t still bubbling under the surface - they were just being contained for the moment. Was that was therapy was about? leaning to contain the feelings? Or was it to get rid of the bad feelings all together? Would he ever be able to not be a little bitter over the whole situation? He shakes away the thoughts as he turns away from Rachel to get their bowls ready. He didn’t want to think about it tonight. Tonight was ice cream night.

RACHEL

She's drying her hands when Sam approaches and she smiles a little at the hand on her back. She's missed the casual touches and they seemed to come easier today, but she's not sure if its the novelty of their conversation with Logan. Either way, she just hopes it doesn't wear off once they think Logan has stopped looking. And maybe if it does, he'll remind them again. He's that kind of kid. Hopefully, the homework assignments will help too. The doctor said they're not particularly about talking over what's happened to them and why things have gone bad (that's what the therapy sessions are for). The homework assignments are more about getting back to things as a couple. Going back to the things that made them fall in love in the first place, the little things. Like spending time together that doesn't revolve around their toddler.

Once her hands are dry, Rachel moves next to Sam to help him with the ice cream. "I think we have sprinkles. And food coloring. And the syrups in the fridge." The ice cream is white, so turning it all sorts of weird colors would be easy. And fun for the both of them. That's what Dr. Harding had said to do. Try to make it fun for the both of them.

[supersamsidekick-blog]

For Two || Samchel

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Sam and Rachel start their “homework assignments”

WHEN: July 2

WHERE: The Evans Home

SAM

The first marriage therapy session had been today and Sam didn’t really know what to think about it. The room had been nice, the therapist had been friendly, but a bit pushy - but maybe that was just her job. Rachel had done most of the talking, of course. He had tried to avoid hard questions, but well, it was only the first session and really, no one was expecting a miracle. He had answered the questions he was asked, not really elaborating much more than the “Yes, No, I feel…”  answers, but the therapist seemed to understand and said they had “plenty of time” to “let it out” or something. Still, he didn’t know if he had done well or not. Could one do well at therapy? Was it like school where at the end of the session you received a grade, because you sure got homework.

Though, this homework was better than any he had received in high school. To eat dessert together. Seriously, that was the homework. An hour to themselves, after Logan had gone to bed where they couldn’t talk about Logan and were supposed to eat dessert together or something like that. 

Hence the reason, he was standing in the kitchen, staring in the freezer. Ice cream or Freeze-pops. Ice cream or…. green freeze-pops. Green Freeze-pops or ice cream with chocolate syrup.  He’s starting to get cold as he stands there longer, staring between the two choices. Finally, he turns to Rachel. “Ice cream or freeze-pops?”

RACHEL

They hadn't talked about much of anything today at therapy. After their talk with Logan last night, things had at least been less tense and they'd gone into therapy with their heads held high, fingers laced. And they'd stayed that way through most of the session. The therapist never commented, but Rachel took it as a good sign. They were in this together. For better or for worse. Getting therapy didn't mean they'd failed, it just meant that they needed help to be stronger. Get back to better.

Rachel's cleaning up the kitchen. She wanted it to be done before dessert, so that they could just stick their bowls into the dishwasher and relax afterwards. Sam's been standing at the freezer for so long that she's mentally listing the recipe for a heath cake in her head. She'll make one tomorrow for dessert. That'd be nice- Wait, hm? "We can't really spend an hour with freeze pops." Rachel points out.

They can't really spend an hour with ice cream either, but it'd take more time for a bowl of ice cream than a freeze pop.

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first! Here

SAM

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she’s in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan’s excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they’re making plenty enough and Rachel can’t bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. “The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That’s why I always go with Robin.” She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She’s blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam’s done since the miscarriage, she never thought he’d come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn’t feel any better. She thought they’d been okay, that Logan hadn’t noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he’s merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way… She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they’re almost eye level. “Yes. I lost it. But I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I’m so sorry. But sometimes…sometimes things just happen.”

SAM

Sam watches his son and wife interact and feels awful. Maybe he should have just told the boy the truth, that the baby had gotten sick, instead of trying to saying something else. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t know. and when Rachel speaks, he feels even worse. 

Logan looks at his mom with a frown. “Yours too?” He pouts. “Not mine?”

Sam sucks in his bottom lip before he moves towards Rachel, placing a hand on her back. “Yeah, Logan, it would have been your special thing too.”

“Whasisit?”

Sam looks towards Rachel, unsure of what to say. “I…well…. It…. Rache?”

RACHEL

Sam’s hand on her back, for the first time in a long time, makes her feel better. When they first got together and got married, he was her rock and up until now, they’ve existed almost as separate entities in the storm that’s hit their marriage, barely talking or agreeing on anything. At least right now, they’re both being faced with a really hard question that they can’t turn away from.

Logan asks for specifics and Sam seems lost for words, so Rachel braces her hands on Logan’s knees, her eyes focused there when she speaks. “Daddy and I really wanted you to get to be a big brother. But…the baby got sick while she was still in my tummy and…she had to go be with my Bubbeh instead.” Because Logan asked once why he had Grandparents but Rachel didn’t.

SAM

Sam swallows thickly at Rachel’s words, trying to keep from reacting too strongly. He didn’t want to scare Logan, who was looking between the two of them, confused.

“Yo’wose a baby?” He asked, his eyes getting wide before the other half of it hits, she had to go be with “Bubbeh”. “We go get her!” He says, trying to get off the counter

Sam shakes his head, “No, baby boy, she got really, really sick and…she… had to go to heaven, we can’t go get her.”

Logan looks really sad as he stills. “Oh.” He looks at his parents and Sam blinks, holding his tears back. Logan notices and leans forward to Rachel. “Mommy,” he whispers, “Daddy cryin’,”

RACHEL

Rachel isn’t doing so well either, pressing her lips to Logan’s forehead so he can’t see her crying too. “I know baby. It’s okay. It’s just…she was our baby. Just like you are. We love her just like we love you and…we miss her. That’s all.” She doesn’t know if this is hurting more than it’s helping, but they’d agreed that they would be honest with each other and Logan. “Sometimes…sometimes crying makes it better. Like going to the potty when your tummy hurts. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.” “Is?” “Yeah. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Even Cap.”

She takes a shaky breath and kisses his forehead again, tucking his head against her neck when he reaches out for a hug before leaning over to wrap his arms around Sam’s neck. “S’okay Daddy.”

SAM

Sam wipes his eyes and half-chuckles at Rachel’s comment about going to the potty. He didn’t know why, but it was cute and it made him feel better. He sniffles and wraps his arm around Rachel when Logan tries to hug them both. He gets closer to both, kissing the little boy’s cheek before kissing Rachel’s too.

“Mommy and Daddy are going to try… Daddy’s going to try and not to be so sad though, okay, Logan? And give Mommy lots more kisses.”

“Me too.” 

Sam smiles and makes it a point to cover the little boy’s face in kisses, making him squeal with laughter. “Now, Mommy! now mommy!” he laughs.

Sam smiles as Logan gives Rachel a big kiss on the lips and Sam kisses her cheek and neck a few times, making sure to make the obnoxious ‘kissing sound’ each time.

RACHEL

“Mommy too.” Rachel promises. She’s going to get better. They’re both going to get better. They have to, if for no reason besides Logan (which, incidentally, is the most important reason either of them have anyway). “I promise. We’re going to do better.” She runs her fingers through Logan’s hair (she should cut it, but she really loves being able to play with it like this).

Rachel laughs, holding Logan still so that Sam can get to him even through his squirming. But they turn on her together and Rachel laughs, kissing Logan back and digging her fingers into his side, laughing and trying to scrunch away from Sam and the way his beard tickles the skin of her neck. “No, no! Stop! Wait, no fair!”

SAM

Sam’s arms wrap around her waist so she can’t squirm away, leaving kisses all over her face as Logan laughs before he stops and rests his chin on her shoulder, looking back at Logan. The little boy was laughing and looked happy. He hoped that everything would be okay with him, that he and Rachel hadn’t affected him too much or told him too much about the baby or…something. 

“Love you, Logan.”

Logan squirms. “Love you, Daddy. I go give Bolt kisses too now?” He asks, reaching out for Sam. 

“Sounds good, let Mommy finish dinner.” he nods before scooping the boy out of Rachel’s arms. He starts to take the boy out of the kitchen before he pauses and turns back to Rachel. “I love you too, ‘Chel.” He tells her before leaning in to kiss her lips.

RACHEL

“I love you, Hero.” Rachel tells her son, leaning in to kiss his cheek before Sam takes him out of the kitchen. “Remember, no kissing Bolt on the mouth. And don’t get too messy, because dinner is almost ready.” She runs her fingers through his hair again and is just about to return to the front of the stove when Sam catches her attention, leaning in for a kiss.

Her hands catch the bottom of his shirt when she kisses him back, just barely pulling back at the end of the kiss to whisper, “We’re going to be okay, right?”

SAM

He brushes his nose up against hers before he pulls back for a second, setting Logan on the ground. “Go find Bolt and I’ll be there in a second. Stay inside.” He warns Logan before the little boy runs off and Sam turns his attention back to Rachel. 

“Booooooolt,” Logan yells as he begins to look for the puppy (who is probably asleep in one of the rooms - he gets worn out too!)

Sam wraps his arms back around his wife, kissing her cheek before her shoulder. “We’re going to do whatever it takes to be okay.” He nods before pulling back to look at her. “Starting tomorrow, right? This… taking about this is going to help and we’ll be… we’ll do whatever it takes.”

RACHEL

Rachel can’t help laughing a little as Logan takes off to look for his now nearly constant companion (Bolt has never once used his puppy bed, sharing with Logan). He’s adorable. And more than that, he’s a good kid. A great kid and despite how bad things have been, Rachel tries to remind herself how blessed they really are right now, even in the midst of their loss, to have such an incredible child still.

Sam catches her attention again and she folds her arms against his chest, kissing him back and resting her forehead against his shoulder. “I love you. And we’re going to be okay. We can…we can do this.” They haven’t broken yet. If they’ve made it this far with so many cracks, trying to fill them won’t make things worse, will it?

SAM

A hand moves up her forearm before lacing his fingers with hers and bringing their clasped hands up to his lips to kiss her knuckles. Things had been horrible, but they were doing the best - well, they were committed to not giving up on it. “We can. For Better or for worse, right?” 

He kisses the top of her head, pulling her closer. They had to get better, for Logan. And that meant both of them doing things they weren’t comfortable with. Well, it meant he would have to start doing things he wasn’t comfortable with. “I’m going to stop drinking. And… tomorrow, we’ll… I’ll… tomorrow, I’ll do my best.” They both knew that he had a tendency to avoid talking about their problems or any problems at all and going to therapy was all about talking about the problems and putting everything bad in the light and he wasn’t too excited about that, but it was necessary and he would try. It might have a few sessions but he would do the best he could.

RACHEL

She winds her arms around his neck, tucking her chin into his shoulder. She's barefoot, so she has to lean up on her toes but it doesn't much matter. Rachel always loved that about Sam, how he was bigger than her but not too big and it's comforting right now. Things have been so quiet since she made the appointment and she wondered if maybe it would just make things worse, but...it can't. She won't let it. And apparently, neither will Sam. He even promises to stop drinking. Not that Rachel thought he had a real problem, just that he was drinking in the wrong state of mind. "Sam, you don't have to...just don't drink when you're upset." But Mark is his best friend and now Puck lives in town and sports bars kind of come with the territory of both of them.

"I know you will." She leans back, cupping his jaw to smile a little up at him. "And I will too. Okay? We'll be okay." And maybe they already have a leg up, Rachel thinks. So many couples go to counseling unsure, hoping that the counseling will make them better, make things good enough again that they can decide that yes, the marriage is worth saving. At least Sam and Rachel know, no matter what, that they're going to fix things. They're just going to counseling to learn how.

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first! Here

SAM

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she’s in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan’s excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they’re making plenty enough and Rachel can’t bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. “The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That’s why I always go with Robin.” She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She’s blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam’s done since the miscarriage, she never thought he’d come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn’t feel any better. She thought they’d been okay, that Logan hadn’t noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he’s merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way… She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they’re almost eye level. “Yes. I lost it. But I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I’m so sorry. But sometimes…sometimes things just happen.”

SAM

Sam watches his son and wife interact and feels awful. Maybe he should have just told the boy the truth, that the baby had gotten sick, instead of trying to saying something else. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t know. and when Rachel speaks, he feels even worse. 

Logan looks at his mom with a frown. “Yours too?” He pouts. “Not mine?”

Sam sucks in his bottom lip before he moves towards Rachel, placing a hand on her back. “Yeah, Logan, it would have been your special thing too.”

“Whasisit?”

Sam looks towards Rachel, unsure of what to say. “I…well…. It…. Rache?”

RACHEL

Sam’s hand on her back, for the first time in a long time, makes her feel better. When they first got together and got married, he was her rock and up until now, they’ve existed almost as separate entities in the storm that’s hit their marriage, barely talking or agreeing on anything. At least right now, they’re both being faced with a really hard question that they can’t turn away from.

Logan asks for specifics and Sam seems lost for words, so Rachel braces her hands on Logan’s knees, her eyes focused there when she speaks. “Daddy and I really wanted you to get to be a big brother. But…the baby got sick while she was still in my tummy and…she had to go be with my Bubbeh instead.” Because Logan asked once why he had Grandparents but Rachel didn’t.

SAM

Sam swallows thickly at Rachel’s words, trying to keep from reacting too strongly. He didn’t want to scare Logan, who was looking between the two of them, confused.

“Yo’wose a baby?” He asked, his eyes getting wide before the other half of it hits, she had to go be with “Bubbeh”. “We go get her!” He says, trying to get off the counter

Sam shakes his head, “No, baby boy, she got really, really sick and…she… had to go to heaven, we can’t go get her.”

Logan looks really sad as he stills. “Oh.” He looks at his parents and Sam blinks, holding his tears back. Logan notices and leans forward to Rachel. “Mommy,” he whispers, “Daddy cryin’,”

RACHEL

Rachel isn’t doing so well either, pressing her lips to Logan’s forehead so he can’t see her crying too. “I know baby. It’s okay. It’s just…she was our baby. Just like you are. We love her just like we love you and…we miss her. That’s all.” She doesn’t know if this is hurting more than it’s helping, but they’d agreed that they would be honest with each other and Logan. “Sometimes…sometimes crying makes it better. Like going to the potty when your tummy hurts. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.” “Is?” “Yeah. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Even Cap.”

She takes a shaky breath and kisses his forehead again, tucking his head against her neck when he reaches out for a hug before leaning over to wrap his arms around Sam’s neck. “S’okay Daddy.”

SAM

Sam wipes his eyes and half-chuckles at Rachel’s comment about going to the potty. He didn’t know why, but it was cute and it made him feel better. He sniffles and wraps his arm around Rachel when Logan tries to hug them both. He gets closer to both, kissing the little boy’s cheek before kissing Rachel’s too.

“Mommy and Daddy are going to try… Daddy’s going to try and not to be so sad though, okay, Logan? And give Mommy lots more kisses.”

“Me too.” 

Sam smiles and makes it a point to cover the little boy’s face in kisses, making him squeal with laughter. “Now, Mommy! now mommy!” he laughs.

Sam smiles as Logan gives Rachel a big kiss on the lips and Sam kisses her cheek and neck a few times, making sure to make the obnoxious ‘kissing sound’ each time.

RACHEL

“Mommy too.” Rachel promises. She’s going to get better. They’re both going to get better. They have to, if for no reason besides Logan (which, incidentally, is the most important reason either of them have anyway). “I promise. We’re going to do better.” She runs her fingers through Logan’s hair (she should cut it, but she really loves being able to play with it like this).

Rachel laughs, holding Logan still so that Sam can get to him even through his squirming. But they turn on her together and Rachel laughs, kissing Logan back and digging her fingers into his side, laughing and trying to scrunch away from Sam and the way his beard tickles the skin of her neck. “No, no! Stop! Wait, no fair!”

SAM

Sam’s arms wrap around her waist so she can’t squirm away, leaving kisses all over her face as Logan laughs before he stops and rests his chin on her shoulder, looking back at Logan. The little boy was laughing and looked happy. He hoped that everything would be okay with him, that he and Rachel hadn’t affected him too much or told him too much about the baby or…something. 

“Love you, Logan.”

Logan squirms. “Love you, Daddy. I go give Bolt kisses too now?” He asks, reaching out for Sam. 

“Sounds good, let Mommy finish dinner.” he nods before scooping the boy out of Rachel’s arms. He starts to take the boy out of the kitchen before he pauses and turns back to Rachel. “I love you too, ‘Chel.” He tells her before leaning in to kiss her lips.

RACHEL

“I love you, Hero.” Rachel tells her son, leaning in to kiss his cheek before Sam takes him out of the kitchen. “Remember, no kissing Bolt on the mouth. And don’t get too messy, because dinner is almost ready.” She runs her fingers through his hair again and is just about to return to the front of the stove when Sam catches her attention, leaning in for a kiss.

Her hands catch the bottom of his shirt when she kisses him back, just barely pulling back at the end of the kiss to whisper, “We’re going to be okay, right?”

SAM

He brushes his nose up against hers before he pulls back for a second, setting Logan on the ground. “Go find Bolt and I’ll be there in a second. Stay inside.” He warns Logan before the little boy runs off and Sam turns his attention back to Rachel. 

“Booooooolt,” Logan yells as he begins to look for the puppy (who is probably asleep in one of the rooms - he gets worn out too!)

Sam wraps his arms back around his wife, kissing her cheek before her shoulder. “We’re going to do whatever it takes to be okay.” He nods before pulling back to look at her. “Starting tomorrow, right? This… taking about this is going to help and we’ll be… we’ll do whatever it takes.”

RACHEL

Rachel can't help laughing a little as Logan takes off to look for his now nearly constant companion (Bolt has never once used his puppy bed, sharing with Logan). He's adorable. And more than that, he's a good kid. A great kid and despite how bad things have been, Rachel tries to remind herself how blessed they really are right now, even in the midst of their loss, to have such an incredible child still.

Sam catches her attention again and she folds her arms against his chest, kissing him back and resting her forehead against his shoulder. "I love you. And we're going to be okay. We can...we can do this." They haven't broken yet. If they've made it this far with so many cracks, trying to fill them won't make things worse, will it?

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first! Here

SAM

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she’s in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan’s excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they’re making plenty enough and Rachel can’t bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. “The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That’s why I always go with Robin.” She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She’s blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam’s done since the miscarriage, she never thought he’d come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn’t feel any better. She thought they’d been okay, that Logan hadn’t noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he’s merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way… She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they’re almost eye level. “Yes. I lost it. But I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I’m so sorry. But sometimes…sometimes things just happen.”

SAM

Sam watches his son and wife interact and feels awful. Maybe he should have just told the boy the truth, that the baby had gotten sick, instead of trying to saying something else. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t know. and when Rachel speaks, he feels even worse. 

Logan looks at his mom with a frown. “Yours too?” He pouts. “Not mine?”

Sam sucks in his bottom lip before he moves towards Rachel, placing a hand on her back. “Yeah, Logan, it would have been your special thing too.”

“Whasisit?”

Sam looks towards Rachel, unsure of what to say. “I…well…. It…. Rache?”

RACHEL

Sam’s hand on her back, for the first time in a long time, makes her feel better. When they first got together and got married, he was her rock and up until now, they’ve existed almost as separate entities in the storm that’s hit their marriage, barely talking or agreeing on anything. At least right now, they’re both being faced with a really hard question that they can’t turn away from.

Logan asks for specifics and Sam seems lost for words, so Rachel braces her hands on Logan’s knees, her eyes focused there when she speaks. “Daddy and I really wanted you to get to be a big brother. But…the baby got sick while she was still in my tummy and…she had to go be with my Bubbeh instead.” Because Logan asked once why he had Grandparents but Rachel didn’t.

SAM

Sam swallows thickly at Rachel’s words, trying to keep from reacting too strongly. He didn’t want to scare Logan, who was looking between the two of them, confused.

“Yo’wose a baby?” He asked, his eyes getting wide before the other half of it hits, she had to go be with “Bubbeh”. “We go get her!” He says, trying to get off the counter

Sam shakes his head, “No, baby boy, she got really, really sick and…she… had to go to heaven, we can’t go get her.”

Logan looks really sad as he stills. “Oh.” He looks at his parents and Sam blinks, holding his tears back. Logan notices and leans forward to Rachel. “Mommy,” he whispers, “Daddy cryin’,”

RACHEL

Rachel isn’t doing so well either, pressing her lips to Logan’s forehead so he can’t see her crying too. “I know baby. It’s okay. It’s just…she was our baby. Just like you are. We love her just like we love you and…we miss her. That’s all.” She doesn’t know if this is hurting more than it’s helping, but they’d agreed that they would be honest with each other and Logan. “Sometimes…sometimes crying makes it better. Like going to the potty when your tummy hurts. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.” “Is?” “Yeah. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Even Cap.”

She takes a shaky breath and kisses his forehead again, tucking his head against her neck when he reaches out for a hug before leaning over to wrap his arms around Sam’s neck. “S’okay Daddy.”

SAM

Sam wipes his eyes and half-chuckles at Rachel’s comment about going to the potty. He didn’t know why, but it was cute and it made him feel better. He sniffles and wraps his arm around Rachel when Logan tries to hug them both. He gets closer to both, kissing the little boy’s cheek before kissing Rachel’s too.

“Mommy and Daddy are going to try… Daddy’s going to try and not to be so sad though, okay, Logan? And give Mommy lots more kisses.”

“Me too.” 

Sam smiles and makes it a point to cover the little boy’s face in kisses, making him squeal with laughter. “Now, Mommy! now mommy!” he laughs.

Sam smiles as Logan gives Rachel a big kiss on the lips and Sam kisses her cheek and neck a few times, making sure to make the obnoxious ‘kissing sound’ each time.

RACHEL

“Mommy too.” Rachel promises. She’s going to get better. They’re both going to get better. They have to, if for no reason besides Logan (which, incidentally, is the most important reason either of them have anyway). “I promise. We’re going to do better.” She runs her fingers through Logan’s hair (she should cut it, but she really loves being able to play with it like this).

Rachel laughs, holding Logan still so that Sam can get to him even through his squirming. But they turn on her together and Rachel laughs, kissing Logan back and digging her fingers into his side, laughing and trying to scrunch away from Sam and the way his beard tickles the skin of her neck. “No, no! Stop! Wait, no fair!”

SAM

Sam’s arms wrap around her waist so she can’t squirm away, leaving kisses all over her face as Logan laughs before he stops and rests his chin on her shoulder, looking back at Logan. The little boy was laughing and looked happy. He hoped that everything would be okay with him, that he and Rachel hadn’t affected him too much or told him too much about the baby or…something. 

“Love you, Logan.”

Logan squirms. “Love you, Daddy. I go give Bolt kisses too now?” He asks, reaching out for Sam. 

“Sounds good, let Mommy finish dinner.” he nods before scooping the boy out of Rachel’s arms. He starts to take the boy out of the kitchen before he pauses and turns back to Rachel. “I love you too, ‘Chel.” He tells her before leaning in to kiss her lips.

RACHEL

"I love you, Hero." Rachel tells her son, leaning in to kiss his cheek before Sam takes him out of the kitchen. "Remember, no kissing Bolt on the mouth. And don't get too messy, because dinner is almost ready." She runs her fingers through his hair again and is just about to return to the front of the stove when Sam catches her attention, leaning in for a kiss.

Her hands catch the bottom of his shirt when she kisses him back, just barely pulling back at the end of the kiss to whisper, "We're going to be okay, right?"

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first! Here

SAM

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she’s in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan’s excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they’re making plenty enough and Rachel can’t bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. “The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That’s why I always go with Robin.” She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She’s blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam’s done since the miscarriage, she never thought he’d come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn’t feel any better. She thought they’d been okay, that Logan hadn’t noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he’s merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way… She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they’re almost eye level. “Yes. I lost it. But I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I’m so sorry. But sometimes…sometimes things just happen.”

SAM

Sam watches his son and wife interact and feels awful. Maybe he should have just told the boy the truth, that the baby had gotten sick, instead of trying to saying something else. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t know. and when Rachel speaks, he feels even worse. 

Logan looks at his mom with a frown. “Yours too?” He pouts. “Not mine?”

Sam sucks in his bottom lip before he moves towards Rachel, placing a hand on her back. “Yeah, Logan, it would have been your special thing too.”

“Whasisit?”

Sam looks towards Rachel, unsure of what to say. “I…well…. It…. Rache?”

RACHEL

Sam’s hand on her back, for the first time in a long time, makes her feel better. When they first got together and got married, he was her rock and up until now, they’ve existed almost as separate entities in the storm that’s hit their marriage, barely talking or agreeing on anything. At least right now, they’re both being faced with a really hard question that they can’t turn away from.

Logan asks for specifics and Sam seems lost for words, so Rachel braces her hands on Logan’s knees, her eyes focused there when she speaks. “Daddy and I really wanted you to get to be a big brother. But…the baby got sick while she was still in my tummy and…she had to go be with my Bubbeh instead.” Because Logan asked once why he had Grandparents but Rachel didn’t.

SAM

Sam swallows thickly at Rachel’s words, trying to keep from reacting too strongly. He didn’t want to scare Logan, who was looking between the two of them, confused.

“Yo’wose a baby?” He asked, his eyes getting wide before the other half of it hits, she had to go be with “Bubbeh”. “We go get her!” He says, trying to get off the counter

Sam shakes his head, “No, baby boy, she got really, really sick and…she… had to go to heaven, we can’t go get her.”

Logan looks really sad as he stills. “Oh.” He looks at his parents and Sam blinks, holding his tears back. Logan notices and leans forward to Rachel. “Mommy,” he whispers, “Daddy cryin’,”

RACHEL

Rachel isn’t doing so well either, pressing her lips to Logan’s forehead so he can’t see her crying too. “I know baby. It’s okay. It’s just…she was our baby. Just like you are. We love her just like we love you and…we miss her. That’s all.” She doesn’t know if this is hurting more than it’s helping, but they’d agreed that they would be honest with each other and Logan. “Sometimes…sometimes crying makes it better. Like going to the potty when your tummy hurts. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.” “Is?” “Yeah. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Even Cap.”

She takes a shaky breath and kisses his forehead again, tucking his head against her neck when he reaches out for a hug before leaning over to wrap his arms around Sam’s neck. “S’okay Daddy.”

SAM

Sam wipes his eyes and half-chuckles at Rachel’s comment about going to the potty. He didn’t know why, but it was cute and it made him feel better. He sniffles and wraps his arm around Rachel when Logan tries to hug them both. He gets closer to both, kissing the little boy’s cheek before kissing Rachel’s too.

“Mommy and Daddy are going to try… Daddy’s going to try and not to be so sad though, okay, Logan? And give Mommy lots more kisses.”

“Me too.” 

Sam smiles and makes it a point to cover the little boy’s face in kisses, making him squeal with laughter. “Now, Mommy! now mommy!” he laughs.

Sam smiles as Logan gives Rachel a big kiss on the lips and Sam kisses her cheek and neck a few times, making sure to make the obnoxious ‘kissing sound’ each time.

RACHEL

"Mommy too." Rachel promises. She's going to get better. They're both going to get better. They have to, if for no reason besides Logan (which, incidentally, is the most important reason either of them have anyway). "I promise. We're going to do better." She runs her fingers through Logan's hair (she should cut it, but she really loves being able to play with it like this).

Rachel laughs, holding Logan still so that Sam can get to him even through his squirming. But they turn on her together and Rachel laughs, kissing Logan back and digging her fingers into his side, laughing and trying to scrunch away from Sam and the way his beard tickles the skin of her neck. "No, no! Stop! Wait, no fair!"

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first! Here

SAM

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she’s in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan’s excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they’re making plenty enough and Rachel can’t bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. “The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That’s why I always go with Robin.” She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She’s blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam’s done since the miscarriage, she never thought he’d come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn’t feel any better. She thought they’d been okay, that Logan hadn’t noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he’s merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way… She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they’re almost eye level. “Yes. I lost it. But I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I’m so sorry. But sometimes…sometimes things just happen.”

SAM

Sam watches his son and wife interact and feels awful. Maybe he should have just told the boy the truth, that the baby had gotten sick, instead of trying to saying something else. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t know. and when Rachel speaks, he feels even worse. 

Logan looks at his mom with a frown. “Yours too?” He pouts. “Not mine?”

Sam sucks in his bottom lip before he moves towards Rachel, placing a hand on her back. “Yeah, Logan, it would have been your special thing too.”

“Whasisit?”

Sam looks towards Rachel, unsure of what to say. “I…well…. It…. Rache?”

RACHEL

Sam’s hand on her back, for the first time in a long time, makes her feel better. When they first got together and got married, he was her rock and up until now, they’ve existed almost as separate entities in the storm that’s hit their marriage, barely talking or agreeing on anything. At least right now, they’re both being faced with a really hard question that they can’t turn away from.

Logan asks for specifics and Sam seems lost for words, so Rachel braces her hands on Logan’s knees, her eyes focused there when she speaks. “Daddy and I really wanted you to get to be a big brother. But…the baby got sick while she was still in my tummy and…she had to go be with my Bubbeh instead.” Because Logan asked once why he had Grandparents but Rachel didn’t.

SAM

Sam swallows thickly at Rachel’s words, trying to keep from reacting too strongly. He didn’t want to scare Logan, who was looking between the two of them, confused.

“Yo’wose a baby?” He asked, his eyes getting wide before the other half of it hits, she had to go be with “Bubbeh”. “We go get her!” He says, trying to get off the counter

Sam shakes his head, “No, baby boy, she got really, really sick and…she… had to go to heaven, we can’t go get her.”

Logan looks really sad as he stills. “Oh.” He looks at his parents and Sam blinks, holding his tears back. Logan notices and leans forward to Rachel. “Mommy,” he whispers, “Daddy cryin’,”

RACHEL

Rachel isn't doing so well either, pressing her lips to Logan's forehead so he can't see her crying too. "I know baby. It's okay. It's just...she was our baby. Just like you are. We love her just like we love you and...we miss her. That's all." She doesn't know if this is hurting more than it's helping, but they'd agreed that they would be honest with each other and Logan. "Sometimes...sometimes crying makes it better. Like going to the potty when your tummy hurts. It's okay to be sad sometimes." "Is?" "Yeah. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Even Cap."

She takes a shaky breath and kisses his forehead again, tucking his head against her neck when he reaches out for a hug before leaning over to wrap his arms around Sam's neck. "S'okay Daddy."

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first! Here

SAM

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she’s in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan’s excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they’re making plenty enough and Rachel can’t bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. “The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That’s why I always go with Robin.” She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She’s blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam’s done since the miscarriage, she never thought he’d come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn’t feel any better. She thought they’d been okay, that Logan hadn’t noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he’s merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way… She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they’re almost eye level. “Yes. I lost it. But I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I’m so sorry. But sometimes…sometimes things just happen.”

SAM

Sam watches his son and wife interact and feels awful. Maybe he should have just told the boy the truth, that the baby had gotten sick, instead of trying to saying something else. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t know. and when Rachel speaks, he feels even worse. 

Logan looks at his mom with a frown. “Yours too?” He pouts. “Not mine?”

Sam sucks in his bottom lip before he moves towards Rachel, placing a hand on her back. “Yeah, Logan, it would have been your special thing too.”

“Whasisit?”

Sam looks towards Rachel, unsure of what to say. “I…well…. It…. Rache?”

RACHEL

Sam's hand on her back, for the first time in a long time, makes her feel better. When they first got together and got married, he was her rock and up until now, they've existed almost as separate entities in the storm that's hit their marriage, barely talking or agreeing on anything. At least right now, they're both being faced with a really hard question that they can't turn away from.

Logan asks for specifics and Sam seems lost for words, so Rachel braces her hands on Logan's knees, her eyes focused there when she speaks. "Daddy and I really wanted you to get to be a big brother. But...the baby got sick while she was still in my tummy and...she had to go be with my Bubbeh instead." Because Logan asked once why he had Grandparents but Rachel didn't.

[supersamsidekick-blog]

Closer Pt. 2 || Sam and Rachel (and Logan)

[rachelbb-evans]

WHO: Sam and Rachel

WHAT: Logan’s attention span is greater than any 2 year olds

WHEN: July 1

WHERE: The Evans Home

NOTES: Read Closer (Pt 1) first!

Sam sets the little boy down, sure he’s in the clear. Logan’s had talked about Bolt and played with the squishy toy since the shop, not bringing up the question again. But as soon as his feet on the ground, he’s running towards Rachel, grabbing at her legs.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy and I p’ay! I was ‘oker and I lose, but s’okay, Ba’man won! and-and-Daddy read me! Whoosh! Bam! and…” His eyes widen. “And Daddy say you lost his special thing, Mommy! Why you do that?! No’nice! and datwhy he sad! and gone. but Mommy, mommy, he ‘ill love us.” He nods. “all’is’art!”

Sam wants to groan at his son, who seems better, not crying, but still - did he have to say those words? “I didn’t say that, Wolfie, I said that I lost something that was very important to me.”

Logan looked back at his dad, blinked before turning back to his mom. “But you wost it, right, mommy? Cos no kisses!” He nods, very proud of his deduction. Sam glares at the back of the boy’s head. Were two years supposed to be this smart? He doesn’t remember being this smart at two. 

RACHEL

Logan and Sam were at the shop when Rachel finished up recording for the day. So she's in the kitchen, making dinner when they get back. Logan's excited, the way he always is when he comes back from the store (it bleeds money but they're making plenty enough and Rachel can't bring herself to talk to Sam about selling when it makes both boys so happy), attaching himself to her legs.

She wipes her hands clean, picking him up and setting him on her hip. "The Joker, huh? Well you knew the Joker was going to lose, baby. That's why I always go with Robin." She lifts the top off of one of the pots, stirring the sauce inside with her free hand while she listens to Logan talk.

She's blindsided by his description of their conversation though. Out of all of the awful things Sam's done since the miscarriage, she never thought he'd come right out and tell their son she was the reason things had gone bad. He clears that up quickly, of course, but Rachel doesn't feel any better. She thought they'd been okay, that Logan hadn't noticed but he obviously had and she wonders if he's merely curious or if this is actually hurting him. Either way... She shuts off the stove, turning to sit Logan on the empty counter on the other side of the kitchen so that they're almost eye level. "Yes. I lost it. But I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't want to. At all. It was my special thing too, baby. And I'm so sorry. But sometimes...sometimes things just happen."

[coffee-shop-blaine-deactivated2]

[rachelbb-evans]

I know, I know. I was only teasing.

Just the idea has seemed to make things worse…

[coffee-shop-blaine-deactivated2]

Just making sure :P

And of course it has honey but in the long run maybe it’ll be what you two needed. You just have to wait and see.

[rachelbb-evans]

What if it doesn't work? What are we going to do then?