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Just Make It Painless

@radboi-sadboi

are you serious? right in front of my sad lad?

88 posts

Apr 30

conceptualsolitude

this is not the end. this isn’t how it ends

#jackie loves you

Apr 30

meeeeeeee :3c

#cw suicide #cw suicidal ideation #cw disordered eating #i think a good haircut & finally exiting this state of near-constant caloric deficit #will make it so that i don't want to kill myself anymore lmao #(or at least give me the strength to do.... whatever it is i have to do in order to feel okay again)#either way it's gonna work so well that it'll make me mad that it was so easy all along AHAHAHAHA #(i hope)#dw i have no intention of harming the body in any capacity #hell i don't even want to smoke anymore #i'm the only one in here that wants to die lmao all the others are fine. so it wouldn't be fair to kill all of us :P #-xoxo terin #wait actually i think stella might be doing bad also. but i'm not sure. hmmmm

Aug 18, 2025

it's

#bad.#i feel like shit #get a horrible hollowness/grief in my chest when i show kindness to others #bc i know i won't get the same in return #from anyone ever probably #sorry this is so doomful #idk who i am rn #i can't do it anymore. i'm sorry i just can't.

Aug 18, 2025

.

#why is it that. whenever we find someone who seems like SUCH a good match for us #(intentions primarily platonic but u kno how it gets lmao)#like. we vibe rlly well together + have a lot of important stuff in common + etc. etc.#they always end up wanting NOTHING to do with us. or less extremely: just not prioritizing us at all #like what is wrong with us #why does this keep happening #is there something wrong with us. or the kind of person we gravitate towards. or what.#i just want a deep connection w someone who mostly really Gets It u know?!?!?!?#(again)#it hurts so bad. fuck.#it's not like a weird hyperfantastical expectation either #it's #'i want to be closer friends with someone i have a good thing going with'#why is it so hard.#why can't we have this.

Aug 18, 2025

so sick of being the most palatable person on the planet

#will anyone ever truly love me or am i doomed 2 be 'good vibes' forever #angstposting #cringeposting #(←it's cringe to complain abt being likable i think. why am i so determined 2 be pathetic no matter what.)#'waahh nobody loves me' / 'waahh ppl love me too much' bro be so for real rn #jk i will not be mean 2 myself. ik i am just feeling Unseen & need Deeper Connections or what have u #i just want. ppl who see me as an equal.#not looking down on me. not putting me on a pedestal 2 look up at me. just looking at me normal.#........& then falling in love w what they see & kissing me on the mouth #DISGUSTING i know. but i'm a freak like that 😛#o also not ppl looking away from me either. str8 up there's too many ppl out there who just don't care abt me lmao.#i just like to pretend that they do.#almost posted this on main lmao #8/17/25

Aug 16, 2025

.

#8/15/25 #8/16/25 #time to be weird & annoying & cringe in front of no one:#saw an informative kink post abt drowning safety right #& that ur supposed to monitor the drownee for 72 hours for certain health complications that could kill them right #& like.#like.#the drowning kink part didn't do anything for us #but hOO BUDDY. the idea of having our health closely monitored/just generally being payed attention to #for 72 hours straight #........#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck #what if somebody cared about us. lmao.

Jul 17, 2025

doing bad

Jun 29, 2025

.

#this url is silly lmao #anyways #rn i'm feeling extremely lonely & like i don't belong anywhere #& have the urge to sh #but like #i can't even do that right #like i do not even belong in the sh community #i don't belong ANYWHERE #also it's kinda funny that 2024 was prob one of the worst years of my life #but there aren't any posts here from then

Sep 8, 2023

.

#would just like to reiterate & expand upon the last post #bc actually #i feel so profoundly & universally Unwanted by everything & everyone around me #like #there's mainstream culture ofc #but even subcultures or ~communities~ that i'm supposed to “belong to”#are always in conflict w each other's mainstreams #& i just feel lost & isolated & abandoned in it all #& i was just abt to say something abt feeling like i'm being torn apart in a million pieces #BUT that's usually a sign that my gender's getting all fucked up again #& it is #i struggled w this 2day #it's real dysphoria & instilled self-concepts & identity & self-image & loneliness & Pain Of Becoming hours #there's too much & nothing can contain it #not this body. not even this world.#The Horrors #if u will

Sep 8, 2023

HEY. WAIT A SECOND.

#you know what????#i DO feel unattractive & undesirable #not when it comes to sex tho #like. i fuck immensely & ppl want to fuck me & enjoy having sex w me bc i can Get It #but my.... vibe #isn't sexy :((#i don't make ppl flustered #ppl don't go out of their way to talk to me #ppl don't feel the need to impress me #nobody is out there fantasizing abt slow dancing in the kitchen at 3am with me #& THAT'S what hurts :((#yeah this has only happened once & it was short & weird for multiple reasons #many of which can be attributed to Life Stuff just the Timing u kno #anyways #i feel v used & sometimes that was a mutual arrangement but usually it was.... Complicated #a casual hookup?? fine & good #maybe i've learned tho that those aren't ~generally~ for me (@ least not rn)#but walking away from something (or something that wasn't) & realizing that the other person was just lonely or seeking validation or #idk whatever #& never intended on having a deeper or longer-lasting connection in the 1st place????#FEELS REALLY BAD #do ppl (subconsciously or otherwise) just see me as usable & disposable bc i'm a POC #is it just my autism misreading the situation #am i just being delusional (yes clinically i get this symptom in other contexts) when i get my hopes up????#is it some spicy combo................#is this a normal thing everyone experiences @ some point & the bpd just makes it extra hard for me....??#romo #almost everybody who's ever 'wanted me' hasn't actually wanted *me*#they've just wanted *someone*#& i happened to be there

Sep 2, 2023

no mercy, no softness.

i'm not gonna make it

#if i had just one of these things i would be okay #i thought i was going 2 make it but........ ig not #ik part of the reason it's so bad rn (in this moment) is that i'm starving #but i LITERALLY can't make myself eat #like i literally have food within arm's reach & every time i so much as think abt eating it i'm just like. no.#if this wasn't the case i'd say i'm still gonna make it #but fuckin alas ig #hold on wait my coworkers just did something nice &/or silly for me i think i found a remaining sliver my will 2 live #brb crying soon probably

Sep 2, 2023

u ever just

#start to realize u might be plural #feel p good about it for a few days #& then start to crumble under the weight of ur crushing loneliness #& so u question whether it was all just an elaborate coping mechanism #like a neglected child making up imaginary friends to talk to #except ur 22 #girl help #somebody stop me from doing weird concerning shit on social media for attention #it's embarrassing

Oct 31, 2022

imo 18 is a bit young for some rest-of-your-life type decisions, but if i had to spend it with anyone, it would be you

so is 19!!!! this dumb btich needs 2 stop thinking about marriage all the time THAMK YOUUUU

LIFE UPDATE 22 & still a malewife at heart

#still have depression but like it's fine i'm over it it's whatever like it doesn't even bother me i'm so over it i don't even care #not horribly miserable at this very moment just lookin thru the sideblogs

Sep 22, 2021

friendly reminder that moments like sitting in the sun, waking up well-rested, discovering a song that makes you feel your heart and laughing with someone will find you again. clouds will dissipate and the sun will sink and rise and the moon will be full and bright outside of your window, and life will stop feeling this heavy. in the meantime, we’ll try. sometimes that’ll feel like enough and sometimes it won’t, but that’s okay. you’re here and that’s an achievement and that’s good and it matters.

#this is the little sideblog i come back to every few years when i start to really hurt #but i've been feeling lighter lately #so i'm going to store some good vibes here as a little reminder #that upswings are possible & that they'll always come around again

Aug 10, 2021

conceptualsolitude

this is not the end. this isn’t how it ends

#tw: i talk about suicide in the tags #i like to revisit this blog every once in a while #i have a fond memory of making a submission thay a lot of ppl liked #& idk this feels like a sign or something idk idk idk #being so severely depressed will make u think the weirdest shit all the time oml #anyways uhhhhhhhh #who knows anymore

Oct 13, 2020

scrolled back thru this blog & wow.......... the absolute Patterns that emerge...... the cyclical nature of it all............

#personal #yeah

Oct 13, 2020

imo 18 is a bit young for some rest-of-your-life type decisions, but if i had to spend it with anyone, it would be you

so is 19!!!! this dumb btich needs 2 stop thinking about marriage all the time THAMK YOUUUU

#well i guess in a few weeks i'll be 20 but still #hot damn i keep forgetting my birthday lmao #& also i'm gay #i really do be falling desperately in love over & over again doe #romo

Just Make It Painless @radboi-sadboi - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag