concept: @conceptualsolitude - Tumblr Blog

I still think of you, from many years ago— all the way back to my first tumblr blog. I hope you’re doing well and that your kitchen is warm, that your home is full of the soft gentle light you’ve given us.

if I'm warm it's because of messages like this! you are the light, not me!

Hi!!! I saw that you made a new post and I just wanted to say that you were one of the first people I followed many years ago when I made this blog and reading through all your words (I would scroll all the way to the bottom to your first post, like every other night before sleeping) got me through some rough times in high school and probably changed the trajectory of, like, who I am. It’s been a while since I went through this blog but I remember I had some of your art as my phone cases for years, and I still have them in a box somewhere (they used to hang on my wall when not on my phone) just because I was so into all that you did. I will have to scroll and find it, but one of your posts, it was something about Tomorrow, and Not Being Afraid, and though I can’t recall the exact words, I remember one night specially where I was so close to quitting a lot of things, because I could not handle the pressure of being around people or doing things or generally existing, and I read that before I went to bed and I remember it felt like seeing brand new colors bloom in my pitch black bedroom, like some kind of explosion of the mind (in a good way). And I repeated the words to myself as I fell asleep, and then when I got up before the sun I still spoke them, all the way until I got to what I was dreading and started my day. And that day was different, this is where it gets murky, but I remember that that day was so different, because I was different. And things just got Better for me after that. Like I said it’s been a while since I went through this blog, but I would check in some times the past couple years wondering if you posted again, and even if you don’t want to come back fully it was really nice to see your words again on my dash :) I think tomorrow afternoon ill scroll and try to get to the bottom of your blog like I used to (I can’t do it now, it’s kinda late for me and I try to get good sleep these days instead of scrolling tumblr all night like I used to haha). Anyway if you see this or read this no pressure to reply I’m not really expecting one, I just wanted to tell you, thank you.

this msg has been in my inbox for over a year and i was gonna keep it there but i think i'd like to share... it makes me very very happy and like this did all mean something good... thank you for being on this journey with me... it has meant a lot to me over the years and i think about it often

free, free, a place for a us, we, your face sun-lit, and none of it had ever happened

night comes and i escape out the window and turn into a wild animal

a photo of you on instagram. the caption is: “I love you so much. my whole world changed when I met you. you are so amazing, so special.” the comments are flooding in: “they are so wonderful and perfect” “I wish I could talk to them” “I’m so glad they’re here” “I can’t wait to meet them one day” “the world is so lucky they’re alive”

hello, i hope you have all been travelling good. i made a music album. it’s cassette stuff, if you’re into that. hope someone out there enjoys it. <3

#music

okay. it’s late on a sunday. you have work/school/responsibilities in the morning. you were hoping to kick your fever by the weekend, but it’s hanging around. it’s making you feel claustrophobic. you go outside, onto the grass. it’s freezing cold and damp. the air feels good. you turn the radio on. “this one’s for anyone feeling lonely tonight.” the song is nice. maybe tomorrow will feel different. you hold onto that: maybe tomorrow will feel different.

this is not the end. this isn’t how it ends

sometimes the sound of the earth is so loud!!!!!!!!! sometimes i sit on the grass and feel like crying!!!!!! i feel like the grass is so close to me we are almost the same!!!!!! and then the wind blows over me and i could just live in this forever!!!!!!!!!

every time i see one of your posts come up on my dash, i smile a little bit inside. i don't remember when i started following this blog, but i know it feels like you've been by my side since the beginning. thank you for posting every now and then. you make my days just a little bit easier to bear at times

just so you know my adolescence has been so enriched by the experience of this blog and these kinds of messages and sharing of stories and whatnot. it brings me so much joy & love. thank you for following me : )

#veemochi

concept: no cops

nothing, NOTHING will bring me more salvation than standing on the edge of a cliff and screaming at the ocean below. on the walk back home i bow my head to streetcats and they bow back in mutual respect

oh to be surrounded by fine china and porcelain plates. oh to smash it all up, screaming

concept: lying in a vast cave, all alone, bathed in moonlight, sobbing

conceptualsolitude

concept: i am sending you so much love through the screen right now and by the time you finish reading this you will have received a little package of peace and love. there u go

conceptualsolitude

future me needed to read this. another concept: i am sending gratitude and compassion to my past self. you’ll be okay. thank you for your resilience.

there is a steady stream that leads to a river. the river is wide, and edged by lush grass. it is a pale blue, pure and crisp. drink from it and swim in it, let it absorb your sorrow. it is shallow, mostly, but wade further in and you could dive deep if you wanted to. swim to the island in its centre. there is a tree to rest beneath. it will only turn to night if you wish it to.

hoping to alienate myself so much that i transform into a little rock in an empty room and i have no thoughts or feelings.

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