i don't care if I did everything I should...
I don't care if did no mistake...
I don't care if at least he is at peace now...
I don't care if it's useless...
I don't care if it's damaging me...
I don't care if it's selfish... immature... unhealthy...
I'm sad... I'm hurt... I'm mad... I'm angry... im crying and not functioning...
I don't care if he is in a better place, I don't care if he isn't suffering anymore, he should never had to go through that to start with...
I didn't know I was watching him dying...
I didn't know it was the last time I lay next to him... or pet him...
I failed him ...
I fucking failed him...
My cat died and a part of me died with him...
I don't care how irrational or emotional or childish or unreasonable it is.
I fucking loved him with all my soul, and he died anyway... no one should go through this, but before all this, he never should had gone through this...
Until enough of my soul is consumed for him... I will be mad, I will be sad, I will be angry... fuck you universe... Fuck you!
I love him and truly miss him, always.