Saint

21 † Transharmful † DID sys † taken 🖤

[radical-sainthood]

Pinned Introduction!

Hello. We are the Liminal Churchyard, though our Collective name is Saint. our pronouns are he/it/bite/cani/fang/god/angel do not use they/them on us unless specifically requested by the fronter. We are bodily an adult, and almost every fronter is an adult as well.

Our dms and asks are open.

We are new to the Radqueer Tumblr community but have been fascinated by it for a very long time.

This blog mainly acts as a place for us to vent out our transharmful thoughts and ideologies (see the fnult tag for more /hj) or to talk about our history of programming and being programmed. We have fairly frequent anons of which we talk extensively, I will be making an anon list eventually.

We are proship, pro-endo, pro-para, pro Radqueer, protransid, etc. we are pro conabuse. (we are against nonconsent/any abuse of the big three)

Post may be edited as things come up

[radical-sainthood]

Giving you medicine like holy Communion. Kneel in front of me as I place whatever pills I feel like on your tongue. I will watch you swallow them down.

When the sedative begins to kick in I will move you somewhere more private, so that I can watch you like a hawk. I want to see what sort of responses I can draw out of you.

Sliding my fingers into your mouth, holding it open so I can count your teeth, watch your tonsils twitch and feel your tongue move. Will your breath quicken? Will you have the energy for it to do so? I'm not sure you will. You might make a noise, not quite a moan, something closer to a huff. Your breath catching against your vocal cords and cradling my fingers.

Will you choke when I shove my cock down your throat? Will it spasm around me? Or will you lay there slack and open, allowing me to grind against that soft spongey spot in the back of your throat?

Will you flinch when I cut you? When I carve you open from breastbone to pelvis? Will you cry? I'd be eager to see if your paralyzed body can even do so. I hope it can, I prefer a victim that cries.

I can't wait to stare down at your sinful beating heart, hammering away desperately in your chest. I will pray over it. Anoint it in holy water. I will press my rosary into it just to watch it quiver.

I will make you pure.

[pinkiry]

If you don’t get hard when I point my gun at your head do you even love me?

[radical-sainthood]

can i program myself if im not a system / not sure i am one?

Generally those seeking advice from us are attempting to program parts or create a system, so I don't have as much experience in this! I would suspect not, as programming relies on creating dissociative parts to carry out functions.

If your goal is to create a system, develop a pre-existing system or work with dissociative parts then yes programming might be what you're looking for. But I don't think it'll work on a singular "identity" like it does for systems!

[radical-sainthood]

Sometimes when I go too long without a message from my beloved I start assuming I'm in trouble and when I tell you it makes me sick I'm not joking.

[radical-sainthood]

hello. do you have resources that would help someone forcibly split off an internal handler? if resources like that would even exist. thank you in advance.

Not any resources necessarily! But I can offer some input. For us, we tend to journal about what we want/need in an alter. Making lists of specific things we want them to be in charge of, personality traits, alters they'd interact with, etc.

For us we tend to split fictives more than anything else, so we might determine a fictional source that works ahead of time. We will try to list or write out what about this fictional character would lend itself well to the role we're trying to fill. We might also use BAH to help and narrow down information.

Internal handlers are meant to control, punish or program alters. Depending on your structure and desire, you might split a handler that does all three or just does one. You want to pinpoint how you want them to behave, the expectations they hold. If their job is to control you might outline what they control, who and how. If it's punishment you might want to highlight what is a punishable offense and how it works. If it's programming you might want to look at programming resources and outline the kind of program you want.

For us, we can't split without stress, so we might choose a small form of retraumatization (engaging with a trigger, engaging with a media that's triggering or has triggering content, etc). It can be hard to force a split, and it can be even harder to control a split, but trying and believing and sort of outlining/manifesting can really help!

[radical-sainthood]

HI i saw ur post where u helped another person w programming and explained it some. do you know where i could find actual programs and their definitions? ive been looking and i cant rlly find anything 🥀

I used to know a good website for it, though I was hesitant to link it. I went back recently to look for it and it seems to have disappeared. However, I recommend looking for recovery resources for RAMCOA and programming, they tend to have at least some information about programs in them. I also think there's a carrd somewhere with some information on it? I suspect there's a very good reason as to why that information is so hard to find. Some places will list very basic programs and their definitions, don't be afraid to come up with your own or figure out your own relationship with programming. If this is to benefit you then you should really focus in on what is benefiting to you.

[radical-sainthood]

all is well :) do you know anyone who may want a doll,,? im finding it hard to function alone again so am wondering,, (nfta) -🎀

I do not know anyone personally, but I will post this for you! and tag it, I'm not sure what tumblr is, but if you see this and want to repost or respond if people show interest go for it! (I'm not trying to become a matchmaking service but I'm happy to help every now and again) is anyone looking for a doll? This one seems to be lonely!

[radical-sainthood]

Your answers about triggers helped a lot,, thank you!

Of Course!! We're always happy to help! Besides it's nice to have a question in the inbox now and again!

[radical-sainthood]

Possibly a stupid question, feel free to ignore.

What are some typical triggers a handler might use to trigger a particular program?

We are testing out triggers to see what happens and when so we can document our experience and figure out our programs.

That's. . . complicated question and can often be person specific. It really depends on the kind of programming. For instance, beta programming is related to sex and sexualization. For us, our beta programming has verbal cues (that I won't list here) that front trigger specific alters but are incredibly specific to the abuser. Our beta programming is also triggered by emotional disregulation. If we feel like our partner is upset or hurt by us we feel compelled to "make it up to them". If you plan on going about this in a very academic way I suggest maybe trying to find specific memories or feelings related to programming. Pinpoint what about those moments feel attached to this. Then try to write out or journal the entirety of that memory and feeling. If you have a good resource of RAMCOA terms or experiences, see if they match up. Then note any triggers that are used in that programming. Make note of anything that could be similar.

So if you suspect you've underwent a sort of self-report style of programming, you might want to note that the triggers for this can be time based (every month, the same time at night, etc) or can be based on situation (therapy, development of friends or close relationships) to make sure you self-report to your abusers so they can properly punish you. You want to note how you feel, what could cause these triggers.

Since there's such a case by case business it can be really hard, but I hope my ideas help a little bit!

[radical-sainthood]

every time someone flirts with my bf I bpd split on him and he has to fck me better so you should keep it up (he loves it when im crazy :3)

Hi babygirl <333 I love fucking the crazy out of you, especially after intentionally triggering the split in the first place

[radical-sainthood]

ouh,, good luck.. you got this,,! :D i was going to ask if you wanted any new dolls to play with but you seem rather busy and i would hate to get in the way,, i wish you the best with your classes though,, dont expect me to stop lurking around here,, ;) -🎀

Ah, even if I was not busy I am rather devoted. I have one beloved doll and that is my preference.

It helps that my beloved doll and I live together. They are my everything, the brilliant beacon of my life.

[radical-sainthood]

ive been lurking for a while,, i really hope you come back because this provided such comfort,, -🎀

We haven't really gone anywhere, just been busy! We've got 8 classes this semester and a part time job so our posting is a little slower. We've also had much more "normcore" alters in front lately who don't engage with this side as much, so there hasn't been anything to post about.

I didn't realize people were still interested in this blog! We'll make more of an effort if people would like!

[menendezsibling]

promise to use me for your fun after I kill myself pleaseee

[pup-jpg]

Everywhere is an erogenous zone if it hurts enough

[venomdevout]

imagine dating me and then BOOM permanent collar around your neck with my name on it

[radical-sainthood]

haiiii im new around here :3

Hello! Welcome in :]