Exhausted.
Why does it have to be exhausting with you? I tend to get burned out having conversations with you because you always want to win. you already made your point yet you want to still drive it in and for what? You say that you only come across as a frank person and that it only seems that way because you tend to reflect that. I have told you a couple of times to tone it down already, if that person made that point already, then just agree. Coz it will always seem like that you are still speaking even if the conversation is already done, its exhausting to argue with you because you won't let anyone else win in the conversation. Your opinion should always be on top of everyone else, I don't understand why. Sometimes, I just stop talking and just let you talk coz I am tired of not being listened to. As if everything is a competition and you have to win, don't get me wrong though, I like having conversations with you but lately, I have noticed this and looking back, it was always like that, I just ignored it back then.
I have warned you so many times about it but you always say that you have a short memory that's why you forget. Sometimes, I think that if you really pay attention to what I tell you, you would remember it and short memory wouldn't be an issue. I feel that you do not pay attention like you did before, years ago you would remember every single thing about me or what not but now that we have been in a relationship for a while, you tend to be too comfortable in where you are. I try my best not to do what you do to me coz I know that would be unfair but sometimes it can get really frustrating and I don't wanna call them excuses but it seems like it.
I love you. I really do but its annoying to think that you are so secured in your place in my life that you feel that you don't have to work as hard as you did to get me. Is it really like that for couples who have been together a while? I am beginning to get tired and I don't want to, I cannot talk to you about it given the circumstances that we are in right now. It would be really inconsiderate of me to be only thinking of myself but there are so many ways on how to do things, little surprises just because, to send long ass texts because I feel insecure or anxious about certain things. Just like what you used to do before when we were just starting out, I understand that your love language may not be possible in this pandemic but there is so much more you could do, you say you are trying but why can't I feel it? I cannot complain because that would be invalidating your efforts, and oh yeah, I did talk to you about this and all I got was, "I am already trying my best, but I guess its still isn't enough."
Its so hard to ask for more when you know you'd get a response like that, I never complain because all I will hear is that he's trying but I cannot seem to appreciate it and it really hurts. All I ask is simple reassurance when I feel insecure about something, before he would have a really long text on why should I not be but now all I get is there there *hug emoji*, sends hug and kisses GIFs. How am I supposed to get comfort from that? Is it really too much to ask to bring something that he was doing before?
I really don't know what to feel anymore, I am becoming numb each day. There is a lot more that I would like to say but it will all boil down to him being too confident and comfortable in his place in my life. I am just jealous of boyfriends who can do anything and everything to make their girl to feel at ease and not be angry anymore.
I'm just so exhausted.
