Rainbow Room

30 He/him

[pomgore]

i love learning about animals ive literally never seen or heard of before. what amazing diversity of life on this planet earth. what the hell is a japanese serow

[pomgore]

goat dog

[satwcomic]

Never say never

In Iceland they use the heat from lava to grow bananas because they don't get enough sun.

[wheeloffortune-design]

my publisher: Good morning! Huh did you advertise for the pre-sale yesterday? Because we launched twelve hours ago and we already made sales!

me: yeah, i posted on tumblr

publisher: .........tumblr?

me: that's where the gays are.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western)

[wheeloffortune-design]

update

publisher: And what is your marketing strategy on... tumblr?

me: idk, i shitpost at 2am?

publisher: .....and it works?

me: depends on what the gays find funny at that point in time.

publisher: Could I have a link to your tumblr?

me: .......absolutely not.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western where 50 year old women kiss and murder)

[wheeloffortune-design]

update!

publisher: I've been looking into tumblr, have you thought of using Blaze to promote your book?

me: NO

publisher: But it seems like an efficient way to get this in front of more eyes-

me: people on tumblr hate Blaze.

publisher: There is no algorithm and you can't pay to promote a post? I don't understand how anyone advertises anything on tumblr.

me: That's the best part. They don't. They can't.

(trying to make him understand that we do not control the attention. We just have to show something shiny and gay enough and if people are interested, they'll reblog.)

(Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a deconstruction of the colonialist cowboy mythos dressed up as a sapphic romance.)

[russianspacegeckosexparty]

White girls need to drop the AAVE and bring back "AS IF!!! 😒" and "GET IT TOGETHER" like y'all were eating in the 2000s!

[taken-for-pomegranted]

bring this back

[viridianacolyte]

may i present my favorite twitter thread that compiled a list of tremendous white people phrases

[squeegiii-deactivated20250529]

Idk why y'all insist on copying black women when y'all really used to devour with those phrases.

[badassdemonsword]

this gif is like... almost biblical. as if hes experiencing a pharaohs curse...

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

wtf were you gonna say

[redhotarsenic]

Please respect my privacy

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

my deepest apologies

[redhotarsenic]

I forgive you

[redhotarsenic]

Anyway me when I suck that pharaoh good and hard through his scaramphigousus

[beardedmrbean]

[akiragatr]

[rainbow-femme]

Everyone sees a post-retirement Shane meltdown coming a mile away unless they find something to fill the hockey shaped hole in his brain, and someone casually throws out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Shane figures well why not, can’t hurt to go to one class and see how it feels

He goes in and immediately, day one, gets his ass absolutely handed to him. Slammed to the ground, choked out, beat to shit, no rest no mercy the entire time and he LOVES it. Getting pushed and tested, needing to figure out strategy, fully working his muscles and getting thrown around. He comes home bruised and sore and can’t wait to go back

Ilya isn’t super sure at first about his husband getting recreationally beat up, especially after going to a practice early on and getting nauseous from watching people choking Shane and purposely putting him in so much pain he’s forced to tap out. The spouse of another person at the gym says to wait a few months before trying to watch again

But after a while he starts regularly hearing Shane laughing and Anya happy barking from other parts of the house, and walking in to find the two playfully wrestling around. Or when they watch the Pike kids they all want turns to get flipped around and wrestled by uncle Shane

And then of course one day Shane texts Ilya saying he wants Ilya to help him learn a triangle submission, and he adds a winky face and Ilya is just ??? Ok? I guess? But then he looks one up and well. That sure. Uh. That sure would be his husbands big strong sweaty thighs locked around his head and you know maybe he shouldn’t be too hasty to judge this hobby

Very soon Ilya is looking up moves for them to “practice” and he starts to see the appeal of his big strong husband being able to manhandle him and also anyone else. When he finally goes to watch another practice he sees Shane taking down guys six inches taller and fifty pounds heavier with ease and no actually so sorry they can’t go out to eat with everyone afterwards he needs to get his hot sweaty husband home immediately

The hockey world struggles to hide how pissed they are the first time Shane wins a tournament because of course he can’t retire normally and had to go and become the best at something else, specifically something that means he could beat the shit out of any of them if he wanted

[rainbow-femme]

Troy: “So you’re really ok with Shane practicing martial arts on you??”

Shanes recent search history:

Ilya: “What can I say, I am a very selfless husband.”

[sublimeobjectenthusiast]

no wait this is hilarious

[rainbow-femme]

Ilya takes a rough hit in a game against Montreal and Shane notices him looking stiff when he gets to Ilya’s hotel room. Ilya tries to joke it off and say shane will just have to blow him or pick a position where Ilya doesn’t have to do as much work

But Shane will not tolerate poor injury maintenance so he tells Ilya to undress and lay down so he can give him a massage. Ilya keeps making “happy ending” jokes but goes quiet when Shane starts to legitimately massage his sore muscles, taking time to take care of Ilya and make sure he’s ok. Ilya weakly tries to make a few more sex jokes to distract from the sweetness of the moment but Shane just lightly whacks his head and tells him to shut up and relax

Half of ilya is panicking because this isn’t how this is supposed to work, Shane meets up with Ilya because Ilya provides sex and mental escapism, if Shane is the one providing something to him then Ilya is Failing. The problem is the other half of him has fully melted into a puddle on the mattress and he doesn’t know how much he could do in that moment even if he wanted to. And dammit he really does want to just exist under Shane’s hands as he is taken care of by someone who is asking for nothing in return for the first time in… Too long for Ilya to be willing to think about

He doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until he wakes up to the sun rising, a blanket tucked around his hips. Shane is gone and on the night stand there is a glass of water, some ibuprofen, and a note that says “You can pay me back next time, see you in two weeks -J”

Ilya can’t go to the team trainer for massages for the rest of the season without getting embarrassingly turned on. He plans on absolutely ruining Shane during their next hookup and also maybe complaining of being sore afterwards to see if he can get another massage

[rainbow-femme]

Me @ myself after walking up to an automatic faucet and trying to turn it on manually: “Good lord, caveman, do you also need someone to explain the magic fire that lives in the lightbulbs? Is that newfangled technology scaring you?”

Me @ myself after walking up to a manual faucet and trying to wave my hands in front of it like it’s automatic: “Woah, slow down there Mr. Future Man Moneybags. Too good to turn your own water on? Can’t be bothered to turn your wrist like some kind of peasant?”

[rainbow-femme]

Thinking about Shane being so aware of when Ilya seems upset and constantly reaching out, being so physically and verbally there for Ilya, repeatedly checking in and making sure Ilya knows he’s there, coming up with ways for Ilya to share his feelings when he’s struggling with it, holding him when he’s upset or talking about things that are hard

Thinking about Shane panicking after his dad catches them and just how much coaxing it takes for Ilya to get Shane into a hug, that he isn’t expecting Ilya to want to come with him to deal with the fallout, that he immediately pushes back on Ilya calling him brave by reacting as if he thinks it’s a joke, that he only stays in the hug a few seconds before going down onto the ground, that up until Ilya pulls him in he seems so hesitant to physically reach out to Ilya for comfort

Thinking about Shane and Yuna outside talking and Yuna reacting emotionally to him being hurt and him looking away from her when she tries to comfort him, thinking about them hugging a bit before she pulls back and says “Enough”

Thinking about Shane panicking at the table and his parents silently watching, and how surprised he seems by Ilya reaching out verbally and physically to reassure him, that he is even more surprised that Ilya calls them boyfriends and cements the idea of them as a team

Thinking about Shane Hollander growing up in an extremely toxically masculine sport and having lots of support when things are going well but being very alone when he’s struggling, while clearly understanding how much unconditional love and support would help him because it’s what he constantly tries to give Ilya. Thinking about Shane knowing exactly what he needs but having never gotten it before so he doesn’t know what to do with the bits and pieces he’s given

[rainbow-femme]

Guess what my grandmother has decided she wants to read

[whitepeopletwitter]

Leave him alone 😭

[escuerzoresucitado]

being escorted out of town

[mysticalbreadcollective]

Me after a fruitful session at the all you can eat buffet 🙏

[rainbow-femme]

I love confident smart competent Svetlana, but I do also need her to be a little bit pathetic and for a big part of her friendship with Ilya to be them lamenting how shit they are at relationships

Svetlana: RED ALERT

Svetlana: GENERATIONAL FUMBLE

Ilya: You asked about their favorite hockey team and then spent fifteen minutes roasting it didn’t you

Svetlana: I thought it was friendly banter and then he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back

Ilya: It’s not banter if you’re the only one talking and he’s sitting there silently weeping into his Bud Light

Svetlana: Remember when you told Jane how much you liked fucking me while trying to lock it down?

Ilya: 🖕😘

Svetlana: 🖕😘

[rainbow-femme]

Ilya: Holy shit holy shit holy shit I think we’re actually together. Together together. He wants to be with me he wants to spend his life with me he fucking LOVES me Sveta holy fucking shit I don’t know what to do or say holy shit

Svetlana: WHAT

Svetlana: Every detail. NOW

Ilya: He said he loves me! He made a whole ten year plan so we can be together holy shit I don’t think I’m breathing. I don’t think I’ve breathed since he said it holy shit

Svetlana: Oh my god I am so happy for you, I can’t believe it I’m going to cry in the club

Svetlana: How did this even happen? Did you ask him if he still wants it after Florida? Did he bring it up?

Ilya: …

Ilya: Don’t get mad.

Svetlana: How could I be mad at you right now?

Ilya: It may be because I said I would marry you for a green card.

Svetlana: …

Svetlana: BOY-

[rainbow-femme]

Ilya would make so many “my husband and the dog he didn’t want” posts

Shane explaining a hockey play on his laptop screen to an attentive looking Anya

Shane squatted down in a grocery aisle with three different dog food bags in front of him, comparing ingredients

Shane doing yoga and Anya imitating some of his poses, Shane reaching over and slightly correcting her posture

Shane up at 4 am to shovel a path for her in the snow to go out and pee

Shane and Yuna debating which of 10 different themed bandanas goes best on Anya for that particular day

Shane carrying bags inside and Anya is trotting after him with small ones in her mouth

Shane on the dock with a ball and hockey stick, he hits the ball with the stick and sends it flying into the lake and she takes off like a rocket and jumps in after it

Ilya filming POV style of himself walking over to the couch where Shane is laying with Anya on top of him. “Can I join?” “No room.” “You are breaking my heart, Hollander. Anya, may I join?” And she shakes her head and puts it more firmly on Shane’s chest

[aviantastic]

Tree Swallows by Linda H. Dulak - Audubon Photography Awards

[fluentisonus]

barn swallows depicted in the “spring fresco”, akrotiri, thera, greece. c. 16th century BC

[cryptidofthecove]

[fairycosmos]

yessssss shame your past self for surviving the only way you knew how to at the time 😍😍😍