The Rollercoaster Ride

Maria Elize. Twenty. UP Diliman. Aspiring political scientist and academic. Know more about me here. Ask || Twitter Into the depths of my page. My Life as an Iska My Thoughts My Life My Photos Personal Stuff PhilJess ♥ Jessica Sanchez Be Careful With My Heart Sir Chief ♥ High School Life Harry Potter ♥ References love/s.

[picsandquotes]

Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth… This is the real message of love.

Thích Nhất Hạnh, Teachings on Love (via picsandquotes)

[thingsmyxxxsaid]

[lovequotesrus]

Everything you love is here

[rainbowsnbttrflies]

The stress is building up. The pressure is real. Everything is happening so fast. Things are changing.

But still – I am at my happiest, at my most contented state.

And I thank you for that.

[grett]

old books by -hille- on Flickr.

[icanrelateto]

Read and Relate Here

[jasonhorton]

Who doesn’t love those awkward dates?

[thatwetshirt]

Do you want to be right or want to be happy? Sometimes the end is just the beginning.

[wings-to-fly]

When we’re no longer able to change a situation, we’re challenged to change ourselves.

[spiritualinspiration2]

[spiritualinspiration2]

[bekksrich]

(A symphony of cackling writers can be heard in the distance.)

[nabokovsprincess-blog]

[rainbowsnbttrflies]

You are amazing! :)

I haven’t been that active lately, but I’m just so overwhelmed right now that I feel like posting something.

God has truly been amazing. All sem long, I’ve had my doubts. He knows that. My mom knows that. My secret Twitter knows that. I doubted myself so many times that I almost went through depression. My insecurities and doubts were so strong that I thought they were going to consume me. But God really saved me. I may not realize how He did it, but I know that He did.

It’s not easy to get up from self-doubt, especially if it almost destroyed everything you believed in about yourself. But I was able to do it, and I don’t know how to explain to other people how I did it. One thing is for sure: I had some help with me. :)

Thank you Lord for working in Your own little ways to transform me. I now have a more positive outlook in life because You helped me get up from my darkest times. I now believe that I can do anything because You really strengthen me. People may think that this is a cliché post, but it’s real. I could back read my Twitter and Facebook and find all those destructive posts, but I’m a whole lot better now. And I couldn’t have possibly done all of these without YOU. :)

Thank you so much Lord for staying by my side through good times and the bad. No words can fully express how grateful I am. You’re amazing. You’re the best. You’re the best among the rest. I will forever be grateful for You and Your presence in my life. :)

Come what may, I must always remember that I am blessed in more ways than one. Thank you, Lord. 

[rainbowsnbttrflies]

I like to complicate things when they’re really simple to begin with. Now, I’m suffering the consequences.

Feelings suck.

[rainbowsnbttrflies]

On writing.

In relation to my political scientist dreams, one of my dreams is to write political science-related articles/pieces and be able to publish them for public consumption. That does not necessarily mean publish in an academic journal – that would be at a later time, but publish in a blog or a website or something. Unfortunately, I’m shy. I’m afraid that people will see my work as trash and that would deeply hurt me. But I also know that I must accept criticism in order to improve my work. I’ve got a couple of materials here that I could post, but I’m still waiting for the proper time and I’m still trying to muster enough confidence to post them.

For the meantime, I’m thinking of setting up a separate blog for my “political” thoughts. I feel the need to do this because I’m nearing my senior year as a political science major and if I do wish to become a political scientist, I have to get used to doing research and writing academic papers.

[rainbowsnbttrflies]

In case anyone’s interested, hi here’s a photo of me. Much has changed since I last posted a “selfie” here in Tumblr. I had makeup on because it’s my little sister’s Graduation Day (more of a recognition day because she’s only in Grade 5) and she got First Honor! :) Makeup really changes your appearance (”transforms”) and it can boost your self-confidence, but they’re so time-consuming to apply and I don’t have the time for it. Hahaha!

[rainbowsnbttrflies]

Aspiring political scientist and academic.

I’ve had “aspiring political scientist and lawyer” in my bio for the longest time. I finally decided to take out “lawyer” earlier. That’s right – I don’t aspire to become a lawyer anymore. Actually, this “dream” diminished last semester, around September or October. I remember still having law dreams last August, but now they’re about 80% gone.

People who know me well will know that I took up Political Science for two reasons: I want to be a teacher and a lawyer. I originally intended to take up Secondary Education but my dad asked me to reconsider my options, so I did. At that time, my ultimate dream was to become a teacher and becoming a lawyer came next. That’s why I decided to take Political Science – I had a very legalistic orientation towards PolSci and I knew that I could still teach even if I’m already a lawyer.

The whole family celebrated it. Hooray for a future lawyer, probably the first in many years. Everyone thought I was set to go to law school after Graduation. I thought so too. I admired UP Law so much that I would read up on how to pass the LAE at random moments. I got depressed when I found out that my UPG is only 2.2 – I thought that my LAE score might be the same in the future. I got goosebumps every time I would pass by it or enter its halls. UP Law was part of my dreams. 

Then things changed.

I don’t know what exactly happened, I just know that it did. Suddenly, my law school dreams diminished. This happened last semester. I don’t know why, but I think the most plausible reason is that I have learned to love the other side of PolSci, the side that most people ignore, the side that some do not know about because admit it or not, our impression of PolSci is a pre-law course. I have learned to love the research part of PolSci. I think it was heavily influenced by my qualitative methods class and my professor (Prof. Fernando). Doing all those papers, staying up late, reading and reading on the literature – they may be tiring, but I have learned to derive enjoyment from doing these things. I have come to realize that there’s more to PolSci than going to law. Of course I still respect my friends’ law school dreams because I once had them too, I just realized, maybe a little late, that becoming a lawyer isn’t my thing.

I have learned to love and embrace the other side of PolSci, one that is focused on research and building a life in the academe. I was back to my old dream: to become a teacher. Of course, becoming a teacher comes along with an even greater dream: becoming a political scientist. But I think these two (teacher and political scientist) are more compatible than the original pair I was after (teacher and lawyer). I look up to so many of my professors, particularly those who have scholarly articles in prestigious journals. I dream to be one of them too. I still haven’t made up my mind if I will become a high school or a college teacher/professor, but I am sure that I want to become a political scientist. Anything can happen from there.

I’m still not completely throwing my law school dreams out the window, I’m just saying that it’s not exactly what I want anymore. Maybe I’ll go to law school in the future. We never know. But I am so, so, so sure that I will become a teacher in this lifetime. I may not become a lawyer, but I will make sure that I will become a teacher.

Some people are not happy about my sudden change of plans. But there’s nothing they can do anymore. I am responsible for my own actions and if this is what I want to do, then I will make sure that I am fully responsible for anything that might happen and I will also make sure that I will make things happen. I have this dream and I have the intention to make it come true.

So much for my lawyer dreams. Hello, political scientist and academic dreams. Let’s get it on.