Bismillahhirrrahmannirrahim. Dengan nama Allah yang maha pengasih lagi penyayang. Ya Allah ya tuhan ku, ya Rahman, ya Rahim, Ya Dzal Jalali Wal Ikram, thank you for everything youâve granted me ya rabb, thank you for helping me with my affairs, thank you for allowing me husnuzon, thank you for allowing me this realisation, thank you for still allowing me the opportunity to taubat ya rabb. Help me and guide me and protect me and allow me a good end ya rabb, allow me khusnul khotimah.
Ya rabb indeed my sins are more than the foams of the sea, but indeed I believe your forgiveness surpasses even that. Thank you for allowing the religion that I have, the faith that youâve allowed, the good nature that you have instilled. Help me ya rabb, help me return to you. Help me love you, love my prophet Muhamad rasullulah hi wasalam. Only to you do I seek help, only to you do I hope. Hanya kepadamu aku berharap, hanya kepadamu aku meminta.
Thank you for everything youâve granted me, thank you allowing me husnuzon, thank you for allowing me this great lesson, realisation, reminder and mercy. Help me remember it and help me do well by it. 5 secs, for 5 secs you allowed me to taste death in the dawn of Friday, July 4th 2025, 8th Muharram 1447H; and I did not liked who I was, I remember I resigned to my fate when placed in the liang lahad and as the soil pours over me, but I knew I hadnât prepared enough for death.
I was waiting for the Ma Rabb buka to hit me, but I knew I wasnât ready. You allowed me to feel the weight of the earth covering me, on top of me, it was a load my back couldnât bear, it was closing in and weighting heavily on me, I could feel it distinctly on my arms and fingers. It hit me that I hadnât done well, I havenât been praying, I was committing sins with my body; that I wasnât in the best condition to pass on. I thought of my nephew, Ifrad, for some reason there was something that I wanted to do for him that now I wouldnât be able to, worldly affairs that will just be left unfinished. I was afraid to face my fate but I was waiting for it to begin, the challenges of the grave. In my heart I could still Istighfar, I could still selawat, but I knew by that point it wouldnât matter, it wouldnât count; but still thank you for allowing me to seek refuge and peace in your remembrance and mercy, and selawat ya Allah. Allahhuakbar.
I woke up and it was 5:53AM, just 13 minutes after the Azan of fajr. Thank you ya rabb, ya Allah, ya Dzal Jalalai Wal Ikram, for pulling me back in the best of ways, in the best of manners. Thank you for allowing me another chance. Please help me remember this lesson always, till the end of my time and allow me a good end; allow me khusnul khotimah. Complete my doa for me ya rabb, my Iman, my Islam, my ehsan; allow me your afiah.
I choose to believe your mercy for me is from the mercy of good nature and wanting to do good that YOUâVE allowed of me. Product of the husnuzon youâve allowed to me since young, product of all the doa youâve always allowed me to make, when my Iman is high and when itâs low.
I choose to believe that your mercy at this time, in part, came from my desire and effort to do good this past week. For having helped a friend through his tumultuous period, separation and betrayal at the worst times. To having so much love for my niece and wanting good for her, and wanting to help and provide for her to and through a Madrasah education.
Only to you do I hope, only to you do I seek help. Thank you for everything youâve granted me, of the things I know and realised, and of the things I don not know and realise. Help me in my affairs, allow me the best in this world and the hereafter. Allow me to die as a Muslim, in Iman, khusnul khotimah. Complete my doa for me, my Iman, my Islam, my ehsan; allow me afiah. Amin ya rabbal alamin.
PS: I havenât been penning for some time. Thank you for allowing me this reminder and thank you for allowing me the relive that came from penning. â¤ď¸
PS PS: Hahhaha post script, post script. This doesnât fit the story, anywhere, but I just wanted to include it somewhere. The cute mischievous boy just had to join the picture in my realisation. He had to pop by, lol. I thought of Akif asking me if I was going solat Jumaat, and how Allah will be angry if I donât. With earnest showing on his face.
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