occasionally subtle
Love Begins
taylor price
Not today Justin
EXPECTATIONS
Cosimo Galluzzi
RMH
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roma★
pixel skylines
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
oozey mess
KIROKAZE
Keni
YOU ARE THE REASON
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#extradirty
Monterey Bay Aquarium
shark vs the universe
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@ramblingsofahopelessromanti-blog
Love
I want so desperately to believe in love. But, no matter how hard I try to go for it, it just bites me. I can’t believe someone would ever like me or love me for that matter. I tried everything. I was myself. I still am. I went out of my comfort zone. It only resulted in more pain. Why does love hurt this badly. I just want to be able to come home after a long day of work and be told it’s going to be alright and that someone is there for me.
It's crushing my soul. So many things left unsaid and undone. Take back the time... So that I may fix the wrongs of others and myself. Things wouldn't have turned out like this if I was just different. If I didn't care about them so much. If I didn't put them before myself. I just want someone to hold me up when all I want to do is crash.
I am dead inside, but I still feel pain on the outside.
Nail.
The nails are being pounded in. This coffin I made for myself is suffocating me. Every time I hear the hit, I lose my mind a bit more. I lost count after awhile. All know is they are reaching the end. The nails with keep me closed here. They will keep me still while I cry out. They will make sure I can't get what I need to get by. I will die without that which I need. My mind will go crazy. My body will grow weak. All because of the nails being placed. They are so small but, the amount of them is going to be the death of me. Until then, I'm stuck waiting in the darkness. Hoping someone will get me out. That will never happen though.
Death.
I look at death with such hope. I wish for it to take me. But, it takes its time. Taking that which I care for first. Leaving me along with my thoughts and doubts. I will die one day. The day doesn't come as fast as I wish for it. I'm stuck here wishing for it to end. Only to realize death wants to play games with me before taking the sweet swing to end that which causes me such torment, life.
Self summary.
You want me to summarize who I am in less than a few characters? You want me to tell you who I am, so you don't have to spend years learning about my every thought? Why not just take the time to learn about me? Why do you jump to conclusions. When you have nothing but a few pictures and a couple of lines here and there. Do I really seem that bad of a human being from that? All theses questions will never have answers. Why? Because the right person will never answer them.
Mood.
It is amazing how quickly ones mood can change. I was so energetic. Now I'm just a pile of sadness. I had such high hopes. Only for me to be smack back down. I don't know why I could have ever thought I could be happy. I don't know why I continue to think I could be. Every time an opportunity rises, it turns out to be disappointment wearing a mask. How I wish it wasn't so. But, alas, it is.
Instinct.
My instincts aren't what they used to be. My gut is just twisting and turning as we speak. I used to be able to tell the differences. But, now, I'm stuck misjudging everything. I want to be grounded. I need to be grounded. I'm stuck floating along. Tossing my hands, hoping someone grabs ahold, and decides I'm worth the time to pull back down. Until then, I'm stuck floating along, screaming for others. It is hard to be heard when no one wants to listen.
Relief
Ahhh how I wish for relief. How I wish to be within its grasp. For when I am like this, I am unable to clear my head. Oh how I wish for the sweet relief of death's grasp. Give it to me slowly. So that I may cherish the time I have left.
Losing.
I've recently tried the whole online dating thing. My god, am I starting to lose all hope. I can't seem to distinguish whether or not it's my fault that I'm having no luck. I've tried to talk to anyone... Barely works... I might get a good conversation going but, then they don't respond anymore. It sucks. I'm trying here. It just isn't working out at all. I'm just losing this battle in life.
Falling.
Oh how the seams are coming apart. The thread is getting looser. Everything is falling apart slowly. No matter how much I try to smile and project happiness around me, sadness keeps finding itself into my life. It offers to stitch the seams. But, I know it isn’t here for that. It is here to just make everything worse. I am to weak to fight it off currently. No matter how much I surround myself by the people that matter... it just feels like I am drowning.
Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Strength.
Give me the strength to break the bonds I put on myself. Give me the strength to get back up. Give me the strength to continue on. Give me the strength to look for the good in people even when I have seen the worst. Give me the strength to forgive when it is impossible to. Give me the strength to move on when anybody else wouldn’t. But, most of all, give me the strength to keep on living. Right now... I just need the strength to get out of my bed in the morning.
Step.
Am I taking the right steps? I am trying to go in the right direction. At least what I believe to be the right steps. That is all I have been doing. From when I can remember, I tried to make the right decisions that I believe to have been right. I am not by any means saying I am perfect. Quiet the opposite in fact. I have fallen off the wagon too many times to count. Yet, I still get back on and move on and try to make up for my actions. Lately however, I just don’t know if they are correct. She doesn’t talk to me like she used to. She avoids me and I avoid her. It is the one situation that I didn’t want to happen. This all happened when I confessed my love for her. This is the only time I regret having loved someone. I would normally say it would be better to have loved and lost rather than not loved at all. But, I am not happy with this outcome. I haven’t heard her voice in over a week. Each day that passes I hear the voice of the person I had thought to be a friend and I lose a part of what little sanity I have left. He continues on as if he never wronged me. And she continues on as if I never talked to her. But, I am stuck here. Just waiting to see who will be willing to pick me back up because this time I don’t want to get back on the wagon.
Pathetic.
I was pathetic to ever think there would be something between us. What's wrong with me just liking the person you are. What's wrong with me appreciating the person you are? Am I not allowed to like someone unless they specifically tell me yes it's okay for you to like me? How does that work? I don't know any more. I am done. I'm just a pathetic human being who thought love was something he could achieve. This blog has turned from something I thought would produce healthy posts in which I could just let my feelings go to the depressed ramblings of some one who can't get what he wants. I'm just a pathetic boy. Love isn't looking for me. It doesn't scream my name in agony like I do it's. It's all coming to the end soon.
Break.
I am so close to breaking. As I contemplate different possibilities, I can't seem to come up with a single outcome I would be willing to work towards. They are either impossible (in my mind) to accomplish or just an outcome I just can't support. Every time these thoughts come into my mind, I try so hard to keep the pieces together. But, every time a piece falls. With each piece lost I feel worse and worse. I try to cope with this using the usual methods, playing with my dog, participating in my hobbies, and talking to friends. It's getting harder to come back with each time though. Each time I pick up a piece, I drop ten or more. My mind is slowly deteriorating. I know it is happening. There isn't much I can do to stop it. I am stuck in my old ways.