🙃

[143bc]

Questions…and answers ❤️🌹

[meanwhilepoetry]

Your children aren’t meant to be therapists for your bad marriage. Your children aren’t meant to be the adults in the house if your partner isn’t home. Your children aren’t supposed to parent their younger siblings. Your children aren’t supposed to fix your financial woes. Putting these demands on children from a very early age is actually a form of abuse.

[justaddthings]

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

[abcs-ofgrowingup]

[randomramblings]

I do chores around the house all day along with my online classes and internships and my parents act like I don't do anything at all the whole day. Can they at least acknowledge my work instead of calling me lazy? I fucking don't even wanna get out of bed each morning, I hate it here

[randomramblings]

I really hope the "jokes" and comments my parents pass knowing that they hurt me are still funny when I'm dead

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

This came from a Snapchat discover story, and how true it is.

[furiousgoldfish]

terrifying your own child into submission makes you an abuser.

watching your child cry and screaming at them to stop and invalidating their pain and reasons for crying makes you an abuser.

staring at your child in disgust and contempt after they displease you makes you an abuser.

threatening to your child to take away their basic resources if they don’t give you exactly what you want makes you an abuser.

forcing your child to feel ashamed for not living up to your ideals makes you an abuser.

using slurs, hateful names and insults on your own child without any regard to what it does to their mental health makes you an abuser.

forcing your child to chase impossible expectations and making them feel like they’re worthless for not achieving them makes you an abuser.

acting like your child is a burden and a waste of space and blaming their illness/disability/depression on it makes you an abuser.

behaving like your child will never amount to anything and isn’t worth any resources and nurturing makes you an abuser.

making your child feel like they’re never good enough makes you an abuser.

if your child’s heart is hurting because they know no matter what they do and how hard they try they will always be a failure in your eyes, you are an abuser.

if your child can’t look at themselves without self hatred because they had to look at themselves from your perspective and all they saw is disgust and hatred, you’re an abuser.

If your child is struggling to believe they have the right to live and to be cared and loved, if they can’t stop hearing your hateful voice putting them down and using their every action to prove they’re worthless, you’re an abuser.

If you watched your child in pain and assured them they deserved it, you’re an abuser.

If your child can’t love themselves from how badly you hated them, you’re an abuser.

[furiousgoldfish]

“noo my parents didn’t abuse me! they just accidentally made me lose all my faith in myself and caused me to feel like a worthless failure who’s never gonna be good enough to survive, and they might have hit me but it might have been just once or twice so it doesn’t count, right? they just happen to worsen my anxiety and depression constantly but I’m sure they don’t mean it!! I’m sure they have no idea how much I’m suffering and I don’t want to throw such harsh words as “abuser” around because they might find out I said such a thing and get angry, and it generally doesn’t end well for me when they’re angry! I also have bunch of holes in my memories and blurred events I’m not even sure happened in which I get hurt but who knows if I just made those up! Better be safe and assume I’m making things up and overreacting! I know if I confront them and ask them if they knew they hurt me they’re going to tell me I’m just being hysterical and imagining things for attention! They just really think they’re right! I need to keep in mind I’m indebted to them for feeding and sheltering me, god knows that was tough for them! They had a rough life too, they don’t need me accusing them of being abusers as well! Maybe it would be easier on them if I just died-“

These are the thoughts of child abuse victims. If your parents comments make you feel worthless and like a failure, they’re abusive. If your parents worsen your depression and anxiety, they’re abusive. If you’re scared of your parents they’re abusive. If they used violence to control you even once, they’re abusive. If they accuse you of being crazy or making things up when you confront them on hurting you they’re abusive. If they made you feel indebted for simply not letting you die on purpose, they’re abusive. If they forced you to focus on their lives and their perspective of you to the point where you can’t even acknowledge your own pain, injuries, and your own point of view, they’re abusive. If your parents make you feel like it would be better if you had never been born, or if you died, they’re abusive.

[furiousgoldfish]

signs that your family is abusive:

you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped

you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place

you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it

you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself

holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy

you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people

[furiousgoldfish]

Sad I have to write this out, but abuse and trauma have zero benefits to anyone’s life. You can learn anything the kind way. You can become anyone the kind way. There is no reason whatsoever to traumatize you. Everything can be done without abuse.

[caringcoffeechats]

If you’ve been stuck trying to please a mom who became abusive/toxic because of generational trauma, realize you won’t save her. You might be the subject of your mom’s rage, paranoia, obsession etc - but you are not the cause of it. And if you didn’t change her after all those years of begging her, bargaining with her, self-harming, isolating, defending yourself, etc, you are not going to change her now. When they say “you can only save someone who wants to be saved”, that applies here. When they say “the only person who you can control is yourself” that applies here. Please let go of this guilt that you carry for something that’s entirely out of your hands. These ideas are pertinent to creating your path to freedom.

[furiousgoldfish]

signs that your family is abusive:

you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped

you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place

you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it

you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself

holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy

you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people

[furiousgoldfish]

behavioural and emotional patterns of living in abuse:

you spend most of your time shut in your room

you’re scared of footsteps approaching your door

you prefer not to come out unless there’s nobody home

when they come back you run to your room/safe place

you’re nervous and anxious if you have to spend time in presence of others

you try to get away from your home, you wish you could live somewhere else

your self-confidence is very low

you worry about making too much noise (have a feeling you’ll get yellet at or abused for it)

you try to move around as silently as possible and try to not be noticed by anyone

you feel uncomfortable and uneasy sitting at the same table as rest of family/housemates

you don’t feel like you belong here

you feel like a burden to your housemates

you don’t feel like you’re worth having around or supporting in any way

you don’t feel like anyone will ever love you or believe in you

you don’t feel like anything you do is good enough

you can’t stand someone watching you do things like cleaning or anything else you need to get done

you try really hard to still find good points about your life and cling to them

you strongly worry that you are somehow worse than anyone else

you feel like you’re behind on everyone and that you’re failing to live your life properly

you don’t feel like anything would have changed if you died, or even that it would be better if you did

if you’re experiencing most of this, you’re going through abuse. Your value isn’t in any way less than other humans, and you are absolutely not any kind of burden. You are human who is forced to live in a way humans aren’t meant to live. You are in living conditions that disable you from feeling happy, fulfilled, or even seeing yourself as a human being.  You are suffering. What is being done to you is not okay. You deserve better than this.

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls from the idea that emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse is an inherent part of poc culture

If your parents belittle you, call you names, dismiss your passions and interests, prevent you from doing things that make you happy– 

If your parents don’t let you have age-appropriate independence, or if they never let you defend yourself, or if they passive-aggressively manipulate you into feeling guilty for disappointing them– 

If your parents slap you– 

If your parents say it’s just “tough love,” or that you’re too young and naive to understand right now, or that your parents are the only people who know what’s best for you– 

Your parents are wrong. This isn’t normal. This isn’t just “brown culture” or “poc culture.” This is emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse. You deserve better. Please never let your parents’ actions define your self-worth. You are so much more than just the flaws your parents are so fond of pointing out. You are bigger and better than the way they treat you. You are kindness and passion and determination and beauty. You deserve the world.

[emotionallyabuseddaughter]

This came from a Snapchat discover story, and how true it is.