A Safe Space For Brown Girls

There is a serious dearth of support for brown girls on this website, so I decided to do something about it. This blog aims to protect, reassure, validate, and love brown girls. Ko-Fi | Resources | FAQ | About the Mod

[protectbrowngirls]

Over the last few weeks, I’ve compiled a list of resources that may be helpful for brown girls, adolescents, and women. These resources encompass blog posts, articles, books, communities, and more across a broad range of topics:

Being queer and brown

Reproductive health and sexual education

Dealing with toxic or abusive parents

Working toward financial independence

Mental health and seeking therapy

Living in diaspora, or grappling with a dual cultural identity

You can find these resources over on the newly added Resources page. I’ll continue to add new resources as I find them.

If you have any resources that have been helpful to you, please share them so I can add them to the page! If you’d like me to provide resources for a topic not currently listed, let me know and I’ll do my best.

Finally, I would appreciate if you could share this post to spread the word! Helpful, relevant resources can be a nightmare to find. I’ve done some of the legwork so other brown women don’t have to.

[protectbrowngirls]

hey this is like. something i feel so stupid talking about because there are people who have worse problems and i'm so sorry i'm crying just writing this i feel so stupid. so my dad used to be like. he used to threaten me with slapping me (usually as a joke, sometimes seriously which was fucking terrifying but let's not get into that) but there's that thing where parents are just like. idk white people call it spanking?? and the problem with that word is it has a sexual undertone and also there's this marathi saying that's like "dhu var pha" which is basically a slap on the ass and idk it's just always made me want to crawl out of my own skin whenever my dad says it bc i just. can't stop thinking about the sexual implication of touching a part of me i do not want to be touched and also i used to have these. nightmares of being assaulted and when i was in elementary school i used to be unhealthily interested with the body and it's not like my parents have ever in my memory touched me like that i don't even want to think that they ever would but i'm also ace and that just. fucks me up with touch? anyways i'm so sorry i just wanted to know if that was a common experience and i'm being overdramatic or smth i really feel like i am

god this is scary to ask i've typed it out and i can't delete it but. idk. thank you for bothering to read this and respond if you do

First things first, it's not stupid of you to be thinking or worrying about this. And it's not stupid to share or to ask if other people experience this, too. This is an experience you've had and it's made you feel scared and uncomfortable, and that makes it worth sharing and talking about!

It sounds like you're asking if it's common to be uncomfortable with the idea of spanking/slapping, or to be uncomfortable with your parents using spanking/slapping for discipline because it feels sexual to you? I wouldn't say you're being overdramatic - it sounds like this is something that brings you a lot of distress when you think about it. And it sounds like you're afraid this is an act that might be done to you without your consent, and the thought of being placed in a nonconsensual, potentially sexual scenario brings you a lot of distress and fear as well. I think it's pretty normal to experience fear and distress when thinking about being placed in nonconsensual situations, whether they're sexual or nonsexual.

It also sounds like you might be feeling ashamed about thinking about sexual connotations more broadly, especially juxtaposed against your own ace identity. Although I personally I can't speak to the emotional aspect of this, I think it is fairly common for people to feel uncomfortable with sexual things, especially if they grew up in environments that don't openly talk about sex/sexuality. And I know a lot of ace people get icked out by sexual things and sexual connotations to things as well, and don't like thinking about being placed into situations that might be or might become sexual.

This is something that's having a really negative and stressful impact on you, and that makes it worth focusing on, and makes it worth processing. It's really brave of you to put this into words and to ask about it, and I hope that over time you feel empowered to continue examining and working through these feelings. It sounds like this tension is weighing heavily on you, and I hope that you're able to find a way to a place where this weight will lift.

[protectbrowngirls]

🪔 Happy Diwali! 🪔

With a chill beginning to settle into the air (at least where I am), I hope this Diwali brings a spot of warmth and brightness into your life. May the coming year shower you in love, success, comfort, and joy, and may everything you dream and wish for come true 💕 Happy Diwali! ✨

[protectbrowngirls]

DeQH is looking for new peer support volunteers!

If you're a queer South Asian interested in peer support, uplifting the queer South Asian community, and/or joining a collective of likeminded queer South Asian individuals, you may interested in joining DeQH!

DeQH is the first and only national Desi LGBTQ+ helpline in the US. They offer free, confidential, culturally sensitive peer support, with open hours on Thursdays and Sundays. They've recently shared that they'll be holding a training for interested new volunteers in November.

If you're interested in volunteering with DeQH, you'll need to fill out their interest form by October 22nd, midnight PST. I'll drop the link to the interest form in a reblog so that this post remains searchable.

[protectbrowngirls]

Here's the link to the interest form!

[protectbrowngirls]

DeQH is looking for new peer support volunteers!

If you're a queer South Asian interested in peer support, uplifting the queer South Asian community, and/or joining a collective of likeminded queer South Asian individuals, you may interested in joining DeQH!

DeQH is the first and only national Desi LGBTQ+ helpline in the US. They offer free, confidential, culturally sensitive peer support, with open hours on Thursdays and Sundays. They've recently shared that they'll be holding a training for interested new volunteers in November.

If you're interested in volunteering with DeQH, you'll need to fill out their interest form by October 22nd, midnight PST. I'll drop the link to the interest form in a reblog so that this post remains searchable.

[protectbrowngirls]

Here's the link to the interest form!

[protectbrowngirls]

DeQH is looking for new peer support volunteers!

If you're a queer South Asian interested in peer support, uplifting the queer South Asian community, and/or joining a collective of likeminded queer South Asian individuals, you may interested in joining DeQH!

DeQH is the first and only national Desi LGBTQ+ helpline in the US. They offer free, confidential, culturally sensitive peer support, with open hours on Thursdays and Sundays. They've recently shared that they'll be holding a training for interested new volunteers in November.

If you're interested in volunteering with DeQH, you'll need to fill out their interest form by October 22nd, midnight PST. I'll drop the link to the interest form in a reblog so that this post remains searchable.

[lgbtpopcult]

[protectbrowngirls]

Scholarship and grant opportunity from NAAAP NY

If any of you live in New York State, NAAAP NY has launched a scholarship program and a grant opportunity! Here are the details.

Scholarship program: $2000 (and other benefits) for API college-bound students or current undergrads who demonstrate leadership potential

Project grant: $2000, mentorship session, and more for anyone in NY (not just API individuals) who has an idea, community initiative, or project that will benefit the API community

The deadline for both is March 31, 2023, with finalists receiving notifications in early April for interviews. I’ll drop the application link in a reblog in order to avoid this post being hidden in Tumblr search!

[protectbrowngirls]

Find more details and application links here!

[protectbrowngirls]

Scholarship and grant opportunity from NAAAP NY

If any of you live in New York State, NAAAP NY has launched a scholarship program and a grant opportunity! Here are the details.

Scholarship program: $2000 (and other benefits) for API college-bound students or current undergrads who demonstrate leadership potential

Project grant: $2000, mentorship session, and more for anyone in NY (not just API individuals) who has an idea, community initiative, or project that will benefit the API community

The deadline for both is March 31, 2023, with finalists receiving notifications in early April for interviews. I’ll drop the application link in a reblog in order to avoid this post being hidden in Tumblr search!

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls from unhappy marriages.

Protect brown girls from our elders’ narrative that all marriages are necessarily unhappy.

Protect brown girls from portrayals of divorce as “the easy way out” or “a choice only weak women make.”

Protect brown girls from the idea that they must put up with verbal and emotional abuse, lack of support, lack of intimacy and companionship, financial control, or more as necessary components of a successful marriage.

Protect brown girls from elders who are so unhappy with their own marriages that they cannot fathom any other kind of relationship.

Protect brown girls from the scare tactics and guilt trips they face any time they indicate the desire and intent to stick to their boundaries where relationships are concerned.

It is possible to find happiness and respect within relationships and marriage. There are people out there who will respect your boundaries, treat you with kindness and understanding, and work to ensure your relationship is a net positive for both of your lives. And if a relationship stops being a positive addition to your life, there is absolutely no shame in ending the relationship and seeking happiness on your own. Relationships are not the be-all end-all of joy, much less relationships that grate on you or take advantage of you or wear you down. You are worthy of a partner who meets your standards and makes you happy. You have no obligation to settle for less just because your parents or uncles and aunties did.

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls from unhappy marriages.

Protect brown girls from our elders’ narrative that all marriages are necessarily unhappy.

Protect brown girls from portrayals of divorce as “the easy way out” or “a choice only weak women make.”

Protect brown girls from the idea that they must put up with verbal and emotional abuse, lack of support, lack of intimacy and companionship, financial control, or more as necessary components of a successful marriage.

Protect brown girls from elders who are so unhappy with their own marriages that they cannot fathom any other kind of relationship.

Protect brown girls from the scare tactics and guilt trips they face any time they indicate the desire and intent to stick to their boundaries where relationships are concerned.

It is possible to find happiness and respect within relationships and marriage. There are people out there who will respect your boundaries, treat you with kindness and understanding, and work to ensure your relationship is a net positive for both of your lives. And if a relationship stops being a positive addition to your life, there is absolutely no shame in ending the relationship and seeking happiness on your own. Relationships are not the be-all end-all of joy, much less relationships that grate on you or take advantage of you or wear you down. You are worthy of a partner who meets your standards and makes you happy. You have no obligation to settle for less just because your parents or uncles and aunties did.

[protectbrowngirls]

🪔 Happy Diwali! 🪔

With a chill beginning to settle into the air (at least where I am), I hope this Diwali brings a spot of warmth and brightness into your life. May the coming year shower you in love, success, comfort, and joy, and may everything you dream and wish for come true 💕 Happy Diwali! ✨

[protectbrowngirls]

Hi i just want to say thank you so much. I may have cried a little when I found this blog on my nightly trauma spiral because I realized I've never seen anyone care about brown girls like this and it's something i told myself I don't need but I do, because everyone does

- ☀️

Oh man, the nightly trauma spiral haha, I’ve definitely been there before! I’m so glad this blog could be a source of care for you. ❤️ The sentiments expressed in your message are the very reason I started this blog, and it means more than I can say that I’ve managed to provide some care for my fellow brown girls.

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls who don’t speak their parents’ language(s)

Protect brown girls who can understand their parents’ language but not reply, and protect brown girls who can’t understand their parents’ language at all.

Protect brown girls who have tried to learn their parents’ language as an adult; protect brown girls who have chosen not to, for any reason.

Protect brown girls who have been made fun of, or harassed, or interrogated for not knowing their parents’ language.

Protect brown girls who feel disconnected from their ethnicity, heritage, ancestors, culture because of the language barrier. And protect brown girls who have found it easier to navigate the world without knowing their parents’ language.

It doesn’t make you any less brown if you don’t speak your parents’ language(s). It doesn’t make your identity any less valid, or your claim to your heritage and ethnicity any weaker.

[protectbrowngirls]

hi, so i need advice. throughout hs i didn't really realize how badly i needed to prep for college, and when it came to applying my senior year, i got rejected from all of them except for two; i chose the one i liked due to being able to dorm, since i have abusive parents and am also a closeted lesbian. however, my father forced me to commit to another school here & stay at home? i tried my hardest to fight him but i just... gave in, i guess. but i am still planning to transfer to another college asap, i just don't know if i should continue being committed to this college or opt for the community college here instead and go to a four-year college after two years there (they guarantee you a spot at whatever college you'd like if you meet some requirements). or i might just run away, i don't know. i'm eighteen, but my parents don't treat me as such; i just figured i would ask for advice and see what you have to say, because i fear that if i don't leave now, i'll never be able to.

It sounds like you're in a really frustrating and scary situation right now. I'm sorry you're stuck living with abusive parents and unable to live the life you want to. I completely understand the fear of being stuck forever; it's hard not knowing what the right choice is and when freedom will be yours.

Transferring colleges is a good way to potentially put some distance between you and your parents. And a lot of people often have better chances of getting into their preferred schools as transfer students instead of applying as incoming freshmen. However, are your parents paying for your schooling, and would they continue to pay if you transfer to the other school? Are you willing and able to take out student loans? In this situation, it may make more sense to stay at home while you finish school so that you aren't immediately thrown into thousands of dollars of debt. You could also try to graduate earlier, or take study abroad options, so you don't have to spend 4 full years at home.

Community college is also a good option, and I'm glad you're thinking about it. I feel like a lot of brown families stigmatize community college unfairly. Taking classes at a community college may allow you the time to pick up a job, which can not only help you build up savings but also spend longer outside your home. These savings could help you transfer to the 4-year school of your choice in the future, or move out from your parents' home now. Additionally, an associate's degree will strengthen your college application and could help you get your bachelor's from a school you like more.

I also want to raise the possibility of taking a gap year from school to work. If you don't like the school you're attending now, it may be worthwhile to take a break, build your savings, strengthen your application, and then re-apply to schools that are farther from home and that you'd be more excited about attending.

Finally, I know things might seem now-or-never right now. When you live in a stifling environment, and that's all you've ever known, your whole life gets boiled down to the short term. But I promise you that there will always be an opportunity to leave. There are natural time points - the start of each school year, graduation, your first job - but you can also just...leave when you want to. This won't be forever. You'll be able to build a life where you are treated with respect and love. I believe in you.

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls and their reproductive rights

Today is a bleak day in the US. I’m mourning. I’m angry and scared for every girl, woman, and sexually active American, particularly those of color, who now have to struggle even harder to exercise their own damn rights to have control over their own damn body.

And today more than ever, I am hurting for my brown sisters whose parents don’t believe in talking about sexual health and reproductive wellness. I am hurting for my brown sisters who are unable to gain access to contraception, and now have no recourse available should the unthinkable happen. I am hurting for my brown sisters who are living in states that don’t see them as human, states that do not believe they have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness on their own fucking terms.

If you live in a state where abortion is now, or will soon be, illegal, take some time to acquaint yourself with: ineedana.com; plancpills.org; Aid Access; the Brigid Alliance.

If you are not yet independent or don’t have the financial means to access contraceptives, Planned Parenthood can work with you to get access to contraceptives and low or no cost. Planned Parenthood can also help you avoid using your parents’ insurance to receive health care. 

If you have the means, please consider donating to organizations such as Planned Parenthood, the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Brigid Alliance, or your local nonprofits working to expand access to reproductive healthcare.

If you are old enough, vote. Vote in your local elections. Vote in November. Vote out the monstrous assholes who have no qualms with stripping away your civil rights. If it’s safe for you to do so, consider visiting 5calls.org and using their script to demand your representatives codify abortion rights. Keep an eye out for marches, demonstrations, and protests in your area. Reach out to your fellow women to provide and receive support.

If nothing else, know that I am here for you, and your feelings in this moment and in the coming days are valid. This fucking blows. But there is a way forward, and there is work to be done. So let’s get it fucking done.

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls and their reproductive rights

Today is a bleak day in the US. I’m mourning. I’m angry and scared for every girl, woman, and sexually active American, particularly those of color, who now have to struggle even harder to exercise their own damn rights to have control over their own damn body.

And today more than ever, I am hurting for my brown sisters whose parents don’t believe in talking about sexual health and reproductive wellness. I am hurting for my brown sisters who are unable to gain access to contraception, and now have no recourse available should the unthinkable happen. I am hurting for my brown sisters who are living in states that don’t see them as human, states that do not believe they have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness on their own fucking terms.

If you live in a state where abortion is now, or will soon be, illegal, take some time to acquaint yourself with: ineedana.com; plancpills.org; Aid Access; the Brigid Alliance.

If you are not yet independent or don’t have the financial means to access contraceptives, Planned Parenthood can work with you to get access to contraceptives and low or no cost. Planned Parenthood can also help you avoid using your parents’ insurance to receive health care. 

If you have the means, please consider donating to organizations such as Planned Parenthood, the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Brigid Alliance, or your local nonprofits working to expand access to reproductive healthcare.

If you are old enough, vote. Vote in your local elections. Vote in November. Vote out the monstrous assholes who have no qualms with stripping away your civil rights. If it’s safe for you to do so, consider visiting 5calls.org and using their script to demand your representatives codify abortion rights. Keep an eye out for marches, demonstrations, and protests in your area. Reach out to your fellow women to provide and receive support.

If nothing else, know that I am here for you, and your feelings in this moment and in the coming days are valid. This fucking blows. But there is a way forward, and there is work to be done. So let’s get it fucking done.