Random Roommate Quotes

My roommates tend to say very amusing things, especially when tired. These are their ramblings. I find these more amusing without context, so enjoy.

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Not a Green Thumb

"I've managed to kill a cactus.  I've killed bamboo."

"You've killed bamboo?  That's actually kind of impressive."

"I feel like that's a marketable skill."

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"But when people misrepresent poly things, I'm like flipping ottomans.  I'm going all the way over to Turkey and flipping Ottomans."

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"Vibrators work on penises too."

"Wait, fire breathers?"

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"My toes are tingling, but what does that mean?  Does that perhaps indicate the permeation of the alcohol through the bloodstream?  What is my blood-alcohol content?  I need to know these things."

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"I can't wait to see assholes."

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"Okay, it's different when he's shorter, and I wiped shit off his butt."

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"I've become a High Elf now."

"Wow. You're really leaving the people behind."

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"I feel like an outcast in this dwarven community."

"That's because you're a fucking elf!"

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"I need homoerotic tension that doesn't come from my life."

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"He's just so cute.  I want to hug him and give him some pants."

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"Wait, but isn't he drunk?  No, wait.  I'm the one who is intoxicated."

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"You have a bitching sun-smile, A."

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"Because grad students fuck like they write: terrible and unsatisfying."

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"I've written better porn than that, and I'm asexual!"

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"A 72 terrabyte hard-drive?  That's about as useful to the average human being as a 30 inch penis."

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"They're like the eyes of a chameleon.  The nipples can go in opposite directions."

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"Well if you think about it, they all vaguely look the same.  And bananas, popsicles, and penises can all be put into a blender and pureed together.......Wait.  I'd like to retract that last statement."