a series of indulgences

18+ only | Ransom | it/they | 30s

[bleedingheartdoe]

Love the genre of sadism that’s basically just extreme ‘cuteness agression’. “I love you so much that I get the overwhelming primal urge to violently manhandle and wound you, like some delicate prey thing that I need to rip open and savour the taste of.”

[old-friends-senior-dog-sanctuary]

I just want to get dicked down again =/

[likeofyourlife]

God, I am so fucking hungry for you. It’s all blushes and giggles until we’re behind closed doors, then you’re panting in my ear and whimpering please while pinned to the wall. So needy already, but we’re just getting started. Sliding my hands up under the edge of your shirt, gripping your waist, my thigh weaving between yours. The little moan you give with the single ounce of contact makes my blood rush through my ears and I can’t wait even a second longer to take you

[marrowridden]

You have a complex relationship with your body and need to keep some/all of your clothes on during sex?

That's okay, what you're wearing looks good on you.

You need to take a lot of breaks doing anything intimate because you're easily overwhelmed?

I understand, I'm just happy to be here with you.

You're on medication that impacts your libido/makes reaching orgasm really difficult?

No pressure, tell me what feels good for you, and if you get frustrated we can do something else together.

Sex isn't going to look the same for everybody and that's fine, that's normal.

Sometimes you don't orgasm, sometimes you need to stop because your mood changes out of nowhere, sometimes you get really self conscious and need accommodations to take your mind off of it.

People are too complex for everybody to go about it the same, just keep doing what feels best for you, regardless of how different it may seem from other people's experiences.

[borrowed-thoughts]

@korinawray on instagram

[xenasaur]

unfortunately while having a fucked up childhood sometimes adds some spice to kink it does sometimes also shut you off from very common kink stuff

[xenasaur]

I cannot put into words how much I despise punishment as a concept in kink. I get that it's cathartic for some ppl and I'm so happy if ur one of them but I'm not the one to go to for that

[xenasaur]

no I'm not going to hit you for failing to live up to my expectations I'm not my mother

[xenasaur]

thank goodness "I'm not hurting you as punishment, I just enjoy hurting you" is an incredibly hot thing to say lol because genuinely yeah I do feel that need to reassure sometimes

[innumerable-voices]

Kink educator voice:

Punishment belongs in scenes not in dynamics

Punishment will not increase a desired behavior, punishment will not improve obedience, punishment is not a useful or effective tool for training

Punishment will cause serious long term psychological wounds, punishment will foster resentment over time, punishment will incentivise hiding mistakes

If what you want is to do serious psychological torture as a form of play then OK there's a place for punishment. If you want the catharsis punishment might bring without the wounds then do it in a scene under a few layers of fantasy.

The way that punishments are viewed as "bdsm 101" is one of the worst things about the broader bdsm community

Masochists enjoy pain, sadists enjoy inflicting pain, you don't need to have an excuse to play with pain it can just be fun

[reubsworld]

Found this thread on twitter and thought it was a great visual guide!

[queerasaurus-rexx]

education

[ransomdemands]

hate when cis people try and reinforce my performance of whichever gender they are hoping for by explicitly praising it in absence of other stuff bleh

[roughribo]

I want to share something someone told me when I first started out as a dom because it was kind of a lightbulb moment for me as an emotional sadist. At the time I was doing aftercare but I didn't understand what psychologically recovering from a scene really meant. Then someone put it into dom terms and it just sort of clicked. So I thought I'd share in case anyone else needs to hear it.

As a degrader and a sadist it's so hot that some subs will be as pathetic as you want them to be... so don't fuck around with their emotions outside of that, that sub is already literally playing with and altering their emotions for your benefit and pleasure. You're overstressing the emotion muscle if you do and rest is essential to any healthy exercise.

You're not giving their feelings any time to rest and recover if you cause emotional distress outside of playtime and you're not giving them the safety and security to play with their emotions again. If you consistently play with humiliation, degradation, or other forms of psychological sadism, you need to be aware of this and plan accordingly.

Avoid big talks or heavy topics immediately after, and do things that will lift your partner's mood in the days following an intense scene even if their mood doesn't need a lift. While you can't see it, by doing that, you've essentially put an emotional ice pack on a sore muscle.

For physical injuries lift the area affected so it can circulate and heal better. For emotional ones it's the same process, lift their mood so positive feelings can circulate and help the recovery along.

[roughribo]

A little addendum I think bears mentioning since this post has been blowing up my notes lately:

It's easy for doms to understand that some subs are turned on by embarrassment, shame, humiliation, degradation, objectification, etc. That is an easier concept to grasp. But I think that's a bit of a simplified way of putting it and a more accurate way to explain what's going on is that some subs experience embarrassment, shame, humiliation, degradation, objectification, etc from their dom and are turned on by it.

I think putting the emphasis back on the painful emotion the submissive is putting themselves through is such an important distinction that needs to be made more often. Sometimes the fact that the sub is still experiencing these very powerful negative emotions during sex or scenes (for your benefit by the way, doms) gets lost in translation when someone says "it makes me horny when you humiliate me."

But they're NOT just horny when you humiliate them, they're still also humiliated. And for those of you saying "well duh, of course" please just trust me when I say, as a dom myself who went through learning this and has helped so many other doms learn this, that most doms are absolutely not making this connection at all and that's why my post above has been reblogged a bunch of times by both doms and subs.

As a dom, what we are incorrectly assuming is that the input is 'humiliation' and the output is 'horny' based on what we see and how our sub reacts when we play like this. We are not registering that they are also still humiliated because in the moment they're acting horny. It's an easy logical error to make due to faulty observations and this mistake isn't just limited to male doms in my experience. A lot of folks from all walks of life don't quite grasp this at first. And once you do grasp this you can give better aftercare.

The reality is that the output is both horny and humiliation and your aftercare as a dom better contain ways to treat the emotional pain you inflicted on your sub. In this case, reassurance (I'm so proud of you/of how much you took for me) and positive affirmations (you make me so happy, you're so beautiful/smart) are a hell of a drug for making sure their psyche stays intact and recovers properly.

[ransomdemands]

tw for like a bunch of dysphoria especially anti nonbinary sentiments

just got served what might be ragebait but also might be a genuinely held perspective about transmisogyny wherein the author referred to non-binary people as 'theyfabs' and said any nonbinary person who gets masculinizing bottom surgery is a 'transsexual male' and the just river of dysphoria that flooded through me was so potent like wow we really do live in a society where my body is always going to be politicized into one of two groups neither of which fit me no matter what huh, tbh it feels like the poster doesn't take being nonbinary seriously, i understand what was trying to be communicated regarding the medical establishment but it felt unnecessarily cruel and misgendering in order to specifically demean the non binary experience, 'theyfab' is really just a very cruel way to say you don't respect the nonbinary experience as truly distinct from the male or female experience

[a-delicate-touch]

this just in: hyper independent control freak gets off on the idea of being completely helpless and at someone's mercy

[olderbootbutch]

the thing about begging is like. i get to feel dominant while also being told exactly what you want me to do, and you get to feel submissive while also telling me exactly what you need, and both of us get to feel exactly how we want to about that and both of us get exactly what we want, which is you cumming so hard you cry. and well i just think that's neat.

[ransomdemands]

i have been scared of phallo because of the recovery time since i'd need to relearn how to type and stuff .... but i've now been laid off longer than the recovery would have been and i am thinking real hard

[fairygoat]

[boytransmission]

would you consider yourself an intelligent and sensitive pervert?

i've been saving this in my inbox for months because i don't feel like i have the words to match this. it's a shameful breach of my humility to answer yes, yes i do consider myself an intelligent and sensitive pervert. i love how you worded that. this is like a therapist's screening question.

[ransomdemands]

nonbinary dysphoria is wild cause tell me why i feel guilty for being dysphoric and like i should be "grateful" for the privilege

[onelittlekingdom]

What’s drop after scene?

Howdy neighbor.

"Drop" is a scientific process that happens to the body after a scene. There are four major chemicals that are released into the body during intense scenes. They are:

Serotonin - the mood stabilizer - Serotonin is released into the body when you practice meditation, spend time in nature, get sun exposure, or exercising and being active.

Dopamine - the reward chemical - Dopamine is released into the body when you celebrate wins, eat a good meal, focus on self care, or complete tasks.

Endorphin - the pain killer - Endorphins are released into the body when you laugh out loud, volunteer or give back, watch a good movie, or when you are exercising and being active.

Oxytocin - the love hormone - You get Oxytocin when you are engaging in physical affection, or giving a compliment.

So now you're enjoying an intense scene with your partner. You are exercising and being active, you are celebrating wins and completing tasks that your partner asks of you. You are saying nice things to one another, and partaking in some big time physical affection. Your body is releasing all of the four chemicals into your body at once.

Masochistic subs usually get the worst kind of drop, because impact is an activity that will light up all four chemicals at once - hard. If subs get enough of these chemicals released into them during a scene, they can appear dazed and drunk, which is a state we refer to as "subspace".

When a sub is drunk on the four chemicals and in subspace, it becomes more important for a dom to pay attention and look after their consent. Subs can get so drunk on the four chemicals that they can lose their ability to adequately defend their own consent, and scenes sometimes have to be halted by watchful dominants who decide their sub is no longer able to defend themselves sufficiently.

Once the scene is over, the body stops being flooded with the four happy chemicals. After the chemical tap gets turned off, people begin to experience drop. There is both sub drop and dom drop, as both parties get these chemicals in varying amounts during scenes.

Drop can be physical, mental, or emotional. Pain finally starts to register, thoughts can get dark and depressive, and hearts can get unsure, and sad. Some people drop harder than others. Drop can come at different times after a scene, and last different lengths for different people. Drop is a chemical reaction that happens to all humans, but is a very individual subjective experience.

The final piece of the puzzle I haven't talked about is aftercare, which is what partners should set about doing for one another after a scene is over, which will help to mitigate drop.

There is your process that leads to drop, and why we in the lifestyle have to be more focused about what it is, and how to resolve it than vanilla people do.

Thanks for the great opportunity to type out this process. I hope this helps.