How could things have gotten so bad?
Gazing out over the broken sea of desolation, the shining visage that had once been New York City was no more. Skyscrapers lay in toppled ruin, decimated vehicles sitting forgotten and rusted upon crumbling freeways. Grime from debris and fires that still blazed from buildings constantly collapsing clogged the air, a perpetual grey smog hanging over the city, blotting out the sun.
And it was all his fault.
Closing his eye, pushing away too painful memories that still plagued his mind, the large terrapin hardened his heart, continuing on his way. He was on no missions save the ones he gave himself. Every day he scouted new areas of wreckage in attempt to find survivors. The Shredderās reach had grown long over the years, his control spreading throughout the East Coast, having little concern for people. Any survivors where either rounded up and placed into work camps or torn apart by patrol bots. Raphael had failed in just about every other way, he refused to sit by and do nothing if someone needed his help now.
It was nearing night, the grey slowly blackening. It would be another hour or so before he wouldnāt be able to see a thing. Any light that might be used to help purge the darkness would only attract the Foot bots while out in the open. Searching would resume tomorrow. He was just about to call it quits and head for what passed as a camp in a hallowed out portion of what had probably been an office building that had collapsed, when a figure approached through the gloom.
Sai were out and in hand almost instantly, more from instinct than fear of threat. From the way the figure moved, Raphael could tell it wasnāt a Foot bot. It lacked the certainty in its motions, and it was incorrectly shaped. It could be a survivor, but the turtle waited stalk still as it continued its careful approach. While it might not be a Foot bot, that didnāt mean that the thing was friendly either. It could be one of those damn rebels, lost from one of their ridiculous scouting missions, or it could be some rogue like him, neither affiliated with Shredderās forces or the rebellion.
And so he waited. As the figure approached, the shape slowly became more recognizable. Familiar. Every muscle in Raphaelās body stiffened as the well-known presence cautiously picked its way ever closer. The long black trench coat covered the form almost completely, while a pair of rounded sunglasses covered the eyes. There was very little green exposed save around the face, and the hilts of the katana, once proud red and gold, had long since been blackened.
But none of that mattered to Raphael as he stood frozen in place, throat closing, as he watched the last person he thought heād ever see again coming his way.
When they were roughly twenty-five yards away from one another, Leonardoās stumbling shuffle ceased. He stood tall, perfectly erect, the wind blowing his long trench coat, before quick as a flash, katana were in hand, posture defensive. Raphael watched, amazed, as his body tensed waiting for a fight.
The two stood silently, so close, yet so far from one another. Weapons were poised in calloused hands, yet neither moved. The wind whistled as the tension built. Uncertainty hung between them, nervousness, and the beginnings of frustrated anger.
āI know youāre there,ā his voice whispered along in the wind, a deceptively gentle caress to the ears. It had been far too long since Raphael had last heard that voice.
Tears stung his remaining eye, a sob wanting to force itself from up his throat, but Raphael refused to let it. Finally out of shock, the large turtle stumbled forward. His movements could have been quiet, nearly silent, but out of some form of respect ā he wasnāt even sure what kind ā he allowed his steps to be heavy. He wanted Leonardo to hear him coming. He didnāt want to surprise him.
The moment he heard movement, Leonardo spun towards the source of the sound, katana still in hand, waiting stiffly for the other to come. Perhaps it would have been wise, certainly would have been for the best, if he announced himself, but Raphael couldnāt find his voice. Just seeing him againā¦ so many feelings were stirred up, he wasnāt certain what would have come from his lips had he dared voice a sound.
As he drew closer, he made sure to slowly, loudly sheathing his sai. Leonardoās head cocked slightly to the side at the noise, whether consciously or not, and it was clear he was concentrating on Raphael. Of them all, the elder turtle had always been the most talented fighting in the dark, had always had the best senses. How much better had he gotten now, forced to rely on all but sight?
He was only about five feet from him, and only then did Leonardoās defensive posture crack. Slowly, painfully slowly, the other turtle stood up a bit straighter, katana cautiously lowering. Up close, Raphael could see that the years had been hard on the old leader. Where once there was confidence and hope, was now only wariness and bitter acceptance. There were more scars littering his face and Raphael was quite certain there were more other places he could not see. Yet to his eye, even after perceiving the hardness in Leonardoās features and the shallowness of his cheek, he was beautiful.
āR-Raph?ā his voice quivered. āRaphael?ā
Without another thought, the red banded turtle threw himself at Leonardo, hugging him close, devouring his lips. Regret, fear, pain, loss, longing, everything poured out of him in that one searing kiss. He held his brother flush against him, never wanting to let go. Heād been an utter fool to let him go, but not again. Never again. He couldnāt bear it. He wouldnāt survive.
Despite the bitter anger between them, they clung to each other helplessly, kissing desperately as though if they stopped, the world would be lost. How long had Raphael yearned for this? How many nights did he wake up devastated, realizing Leonardo was no longer with him? That he was gone? Forever?
When the two finally pulled away, Raphael took a moment to drink in the sight of his lover. A soft smile the elder would never see graced the big turtleās lips, and before he could stop himself, Raphael was nuzzling Leonardoās neck with his beak. A divine churr was pulled from the elderās throat, sending fire pulsing through the larger ninjaās veins.
Nipping at the neck, one hand snaking up from around his waist to run thick fingers over his cheek and lips, Raphael rumbled hotly, āCome with me.ā
The shudder that ran through Leonardoās body was gorgeous, a churr of appreciation emanating from the big turtleās chest. Raphael pulled away just enough to watch the other ninja sheathed his katana. Once the swords were away, he was right back in front of his lover, kissing along his neck, biting. A moan drew up from the former leaderās throat, and Raphael knew what his answer would be.
Taking his hand, Raphael led his lover to his camp. The going was slower than it might have been had it just been Raphael. The way was rough and he had to make sure Leonardo wouldnāt trip. No words passed between them, but none were truly needed. Neither wished for the mood to be broken by a careless thought.
When they finally made it, Raphael led his lover deep within the building, and started a small fire. Gently he pushed Leonardo down on the collection of blankets he still possessed. The sight of him there, slowly sitting down atop the blankets, willingly setting aside his weapons, took Raphaelās breath away. The fact that he was here, that he had come with Raphael at all after everything that had happened, was nothing short of amazing.
Leaning down on top of him, another rumbling churr crawled up the youngerās throat as he began kissing. āDamn,ā he whispered against Leonardoās throat as he sighed. āYer soā¦ beautiful.ā
And he meant it. There was nothing quite as wondrous to him as Leonardo. How someone could be so lovely yet deadly. How he had been so innocent, yet worldly. The world had certainly taken its hits on him, the once optimistic and caring leader of their siblings was gone, leaving behind a worn, harsh figure in his place. Yet as Raphael kissed him now, as he listened to his throaty moans and breathy churrs, he saw glimpses of the boy he had fallen in love with quite against his own will so many years ago. Leo was still there, in this battle beaten veteran.
Before either of them knew it, their coats were off, Raphaelās bandana and Leonardoās glasses. Even clouded over and sightless, one eye starting to wander slightly towards the center, the blue orbs were still beautiful. The once shadowy darkness was now a bit lighter, a bit greyer, but still as expressive and turbulent as ever. They still held the same mysteries, the same dangerous adventure that made Raphael want to stare into them forever. How perfect he was, even now, even scarred and nearly broken.
When he was sheathed inside of his lover, Leonardoās sharp gasp and strong grip on his arms had Raphael stilling. How he had missed this. The warmth, the tightness, but most of all, the completion. It had felt as though heād been living these past years without an arm. Heād been crippled without Leonardo, without touching him, feeling him, hearing his voice.
Without consent, tears streamed from his remaining eye. Everything was just so intense. The physical sensations, the emotional. Leonardo was here. Right here with him. He was in his arms, Raphael heard him, smelled him, felt him. After all these years he was here with Raphael, at this moment, moving with him, allowing the younger to penetrate him, kissing him, and wrapping his legs around Raphael, wanting more.
How lovely he was. Especially in these moments, when he held nothing back. When he took just as much as he gave.
It didnāt last long. How could it? They were both so wound up from everything that had wordlessly passed between them. Neither had anticipated finding the other today, or ever again, and to suddenly come across themā¦There were too many feelings, too many sensations. Raphael came with a roar, Leonardo letting out a low moan as he lay under his lover trembling.
He didnāt get off of the elder turtle immediately, spent and sated and tired. Leonardo didnāt push him away. Instead, shaky hands traced up his arms, leaving trails of fire in their wake, until they came to Raphaelās face. Tenderly Leonardo stroked his loverās cheeks before gentle fingers began outlining the ridges and curves of the face. Raphael allowed him, wanting him to āseeā. The probes went all along his face, his head, before landing on his neck and rubbing away any lasting tension that might have gathered there.
A sigh escaped the massive terrapin as he slowly, reluctantly rolled off of his lover, keeping him firmly within his grasp. Leonardo allowed himself to be guided and pulled until he was wrapped around Raph as he laid on his shell. The feeling of his head resting on the crook of his shoulder, his arm around him, brought a smile to the large turtleās lips, causing him to lean over and kiss the jade temple.
They talked about the future after that. Or at least Raphael did. He couldnāt stop himself. Just seeing Leonardo again, being with him, it made the hothead believe that things could get better. That they would get better. Leonardo was here with him now. As long as he had him, he was complete. He could do anything.
Talking gave way to more love making, more tender yet more desperate. Raphael did not understand it. Leonardoās actions felt despairing, and he could not fathom why. Was he still in doubt of Raphaelās feelings? That this was real? He encouraged the older ninja as they made love, touched him gently, kissed him, pouring everything he had into his actions. Quiet, secret whispers for his ears only passed over Raphaelās lips, murmuring words of affection he would normally never say.
Afterwards, when they were once more curled up against one another, enfolded in each otherās arms, exhausted, Raphael felt his lover shaking. He was crying, his silent tears warm and wet on Raphaelās chest. And he held Leonardo as he wept, the stress of the last several years finally leaving the former leaderās body, Raphael supposed. He himself had cried too that night. It was a beautiful night, one of reintroduction and new beginnings together. They would purge themselves of the anguished past separated, focus now on one another. Forever.
Sleep stole over the tired turtles, and Raphael wasnāt sure heād ever slept so well in his life. Certainly the best he had in the last several years. His body was completely relaxed and he felt so at peace, a smile on his face. Having his lover in his arms as he slept, feeling his warmth was the greatest sensation in the world. The completion left him truly sated and honestly happy.
But hours later, when the sun was beginning to rise and the blackness had once again given way to grey, Raphael woke cold.
Sitting up in a panic, he searched for his lover, only to discover that he was gone. There was no trace of him save the scent of their nightly activities to haunt him. The blankets beside him were cold. But unable to believe that Leonardo was really gone, he stood and looked around the building, running out into the open without his coat or mask.
When the frosty, dusty air hit him, he was met with nothing but grey. The area was as silent as the grave, the only sights those of the demolished buildings and broken pieces of the city. The dark figure heād seen in the distance yesterday was nowhere in sight. There was no sound, nothing to suggest that there was any life here save himself.
As unexpectedly as he had returned, Leonardo was gone.
Hurt, betrayal, and sorrow warred within him, fighting for dominance as his eye roved about the city wildly. He couldnāt believe it. Had he dreamt the entire night? But no, Leonardoās scent still lingered on Raphaelās skin, his kisses still burned Raphaelās lips. He had been here, but he hadā¦gone.
Rage flooded the large turtleās veins, his breathing coming out in quick gasps. There were tears streaming from his eye, helplessly falling. Clutching his massive hands into fists, he screamed out his pain, not caring who heard, hoping that his voice would carry on the wind so that he would hear. So that he would know his fury. So that he might feel regret and pain knowing that Raphael was angry with him, that he would not easily forgive him in the future.
But even as he screamed, even as he began hitting and throwing anything and everything in his path in an attempt to alleviate the agony which burned in his chest, nothing could soothe the devastation his Leo had left behind.
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