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#𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐮𝐩. ( independent / selective / mutuals exclusive ) . MASTER SPLINTER aka LOU JITSU aka YOSHI HAMATO from the ROTTMNT series + mixed canon influences. heavily headcanon based. written by edward ( 23, he / they / it ) . low activity.

everything under co., temporary rules under the cut.

#✌️🐀#ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

@fintastica sent : ❛ well ! it has been real, dawg. ❜

❛ hold up just a minute — !! ❜ alas, there is a crash signifying a failure on splinter's part to scramble after the other, leaving her to abscond with ease. what he can do, however, & what follows, is a shout that reverberates through the sewer's halls. ❛ BOYS, what have i said about uninvited guests !? they are not invited if i don't do the inviting !! & who keeps leaving gaming stations just lying around !? ❜

#fintastica #answered #mobile reply momence be upon ye #ic.

@bluwei sent : ❛ that’s a very , very bad idea . do NOT be yourself . ❜ / the good place s1.

a bark of a laugh !! & here splinter always thought that purple was the funny one. ❛ nonsense !! i'm effortlessly charming, it will be a walk in the park. ❜ besides, now that the hidden city recognizes his face again, he has someplace to use that old lou jitsu cred of his.

he's still a little annoyed at the slider for getting them both into the battle nexus arena back then ... but he regained something he'd known was missing, just hadn't ever expected to get back in such a way. granted, he hasn't taken that part for a test drive, but, hey, they say you never forget how to ride a bicycle, so, following this ride metaphor, this should turn out fine.

❛ truuust me. ❜ & his features drop to deadpan — ❛ your father says so. ❜

#bluwei #answered #ic.

ohisms

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑪𝑬 . ( sentence starters originating from season one of ‘ the good place ’ . adjust pronouns as necessary , mature themes are present! )

❛ oh , one question. where am i , who are you , and what’s going on ? ❜ ❛ cool . cool . i have some questions . ❜ ❛ are you sure you want to hear ? ❜ ❛ cool , bring it in , man ! ❜ ❛ you’ll stand by my side no matter what , right ? ❜ ❛ promise me . say it : “ i promise i will never betray you for any reason ” ❜ ❛ somebody forked up . ❜ ❛ i mean , you do get how that’s worse , right ? ❜ ❛ maybe it’s not … ACTUALLY all that bad . ❜ ❛ i’m just asking you to fudge a little bit ! ❜ ❛ i have a stomachache . ❜ ❛ that’s ‘ fun ’ . ❜ ❛ okay , that’s really specific and makes me think that you definitely did do that . ❜ ❛ what a condescending bench . ❜ ❛ let’s just face it , [ name ] , you don’t belong here ! ❜ ❛ this is a putrid , disgusting bowl of ethical soup . ❜ ❛ that was my first time as a fashion “ don’t ” and i was NOT here for it . ❜ ❛ you’re the most self - obsessed person i’ve ever met . ❜ ❛ time to pick a designated driver . ❜ ❛ before you say anything … that’s it , i just don’t want you to say anything . ❜ ❛ we’re gonna bang it out . ❜ ❛ okay , i won’t let you down … starting now . ❜ ❛ remind me what i’m getting out of this again ? ❜ ❛ oh , so NOW i’m supposed to be nice and make friends ? ❜ ❛ i’m telling you , [ name’s ] out to get me . ❜ ❛ i’ve got something you could slip into . ❜ ❛ of course , the opposite might be true . ❜ ❛ huh ! what do you think that means ? ❜ ❛ throwing sand is an excellent way to put out a vodka fire . ❜ ❛ good people make me insecure . ❜ ❛ i would LOVE not to listen to you . ❜ ❛ that’s a very , very bad idea . do NOT be yourself . ❜ ❛ i said a lot of other nice things , toughen up , nerd . ❜ ❛ it’s nothing , it’s a tiny little inconvenience . ❜ ❛ dude , you’re hiding something ! what’s wrong ? ❜ ❛ what’s wrong , what’s wrong , what’s wrong , what’s wrong ? ❜ ❛ what have you done to me , you monster ? ❜ ❛ you are … unbelievable . ❜ ❛ get your story straight , bro . ❜ ❛ i am VEXED , [ name ] . ❜ ❛ you have nothing to prove , not to anybody . ❜ ❛ i know we’ll never be soul mates , but we’re friends . ❜ ❛ i’ve never actually done this before , it was a theoretical fantasy - ❜ ❛ ‘ dEspitE yOuR cONsTaNt MocKerY ~ ’ ❜ ❛ i once posed as a hot prom date for my cousin . ❜ ❛ i even watched all ten seasons of the show ‘friends’ . ❜ ❛ if i feel sympathy for anybody , it’s [ name ] . ❜ ❛ what is all this junk ? ❜ ❛ you devious little monsters , you . ❜ ❛ you have a very ‘ psycho burnout guy mumbling to himself at a library computer ’ type of vibe . ❜ ❛ this is gonna help both of us ! ❜ ❛ we should keep our eyes peeled for twigs who may have a nefarious agenda . ❜ ❛ i just ethic’d you in the face ! ❜ ❛ lies are like tigers . they are BAD . ❜ ❛ we need to cancel this party immediately . ❜ ❛ why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities ? ❜ ❛ the ends justify the means . ❜ ❛ what are you talking about ?? it’s SO easy to live with a lie . ❜ ❛ i’m not supposed to be here . ❜ ❛ you forgot your own birthday ? ❜ ❛ alright , i will . for you . ❜ ❛ can’t we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on ? ❜ ❛ can we … skip around , and circle back ? ❜ ❛ why is everyone so jealous of me ? ❜ ❛ oh , hello - you look like a piece of crap . ❜ ❛ hey now , come on , let’s not insult people . ❜ ❛ go get me a drink . ❜ ❛ somebody made a person out of wet mulch and leaves and like … dead slugs , and that’s you . ❜ ❛ did you two go to pound town ? ❜ ❛ i’m better than i used to be . ❜ ❛ alright , i have to ask . is this thing gonna happen ? you and me ? ❜ ❛ you need to stand up for yourself ! ❜ ❛ you’re barely even a regular , functioning person ! ❜ ❛ woah woah woah , you think i’m into [ name ] ? ❜ ❛ i need to step outside for … some air . i will not be back for … many days . ❜ ❛ why are you so nice to me ? ❜ ❛ oh good , you’re back . ❜ ❛ pobody’s nerfect . ❜ ❛ well , the nightmare continues . ❜ ❛ i’m a moron ! ❜ ❛ that’s … not great for my case . ❜ ❛ i’ve ruled the fart inadmissible as evidence . ❜ ❛ now i’m bored . walking is dumb . ❜ ❛ i’m gonna need a drink … or three . ❜ ❛ i only cared about making money and doing cocaine . ❜ ❛ there’s no time for any of that morality nonsense , sweetheart . ❜ ❛ this way , i don’t owe you anything - you don’t owe me anything . ❜ ❛ we MUST remain emotionless . i’m talking kristen stewart on the red carpet . ❜ ❛ please , i’m begging you , please . ❜ ❛ does your brain work , actually ? do you have a functioning head ? ❜ ❛ sorry , [ name ] , but i can’t let us leave . ❜ ❛ what are you DOING , you goon ? ❜ ❛ that’s what you think hell is ? ❜ ❛ it’s scary , like the movie ratatouille . ❜ ❛ oh , that’s a joint . ❜ ❛ REAL weird vibe in here . ❜ ❛ i was definitely expecting some applause . ❜ ❛ in my opinion , which is objective fact in this case and all cases ever … ❜ ❛ i’m not going , i don’t wanna . ❜ ❛ it is literally impossible for me to do that . ❜ ❛ well - it’s been real , dawg . ❜ ❛ i feel like i’ve failed you . ❜ ❛ i was dropped into a cave , and … you were my flashlight . ❜ ❛ we can be together , away from everyone else . ❜ ❛ holy motherforking shirtballs . ❜ ❛ man , this is torture . ❜ ❛ you ruined everything , you know that ? ❜ ❛ i was so close to pulling it off ! ❜ ❛ it’s actually a filthy dumpster of our worth anxieties . ❜ ❛ i’m surrounded by people who are literally better than me . ❜ ❛ you don’t love me ? ❜ ❛ this was supposed to be my big moment ! ❜ ❛ dammit , [ name ] . you are the WORST , and you can all suck it . ❜ ❛ you had no idea i was gonna do that ! ❜ ❛ yeah , that came out of nowhere . ❜ ❛ oh … but it didn’t matter . because my motivations were corrupt . ❜ ❛ there’s something you don’t know about me . ❜ ❛ the only thing you succeeded in doing was bringing us all together . ❜ ❛ uh … next time ? ❜ ❛ if this thing goes sideways again , you are DONE . ❜ ❛ UGH , you’re useless ! ❜ ❛ alright , let’s try again , shall we ? ❜ ❛ YA BASIC . ❜ ❛ hold that thought . is it okay if i go work out ? ❜ ❛ i think this is yours . ❜

#smiles #meme.

scuttles in. i keep forgetting to cherish the rat.

#ive been so deep in pkmn brainrot ghsjgkal #but i also keep getting turtles on my fyp so :)#msi vc somebody needs to be that stupid rat #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

splinter absolutely has the strength in his tail to use it as height-extension when he feels like giving an eye-level look to sb like twice his height

#does that to the boys mostly #Occasionally to draxum but it's usually funnier to make drax physically lower himself to splinter's level if he wants to talk face-to-face #splinter at anyone over 5ft tall: as a former tall person How Dare You #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.#study.

april: splints, am i ugly?? splinter: what nonsense. i'm looking at you right now, you're the most beautiful girl in the world. any of the turtles: papa, am i ugly?? splinter: very much so.

#im not proud of the fact that i had to search for the audio of this meme for like 10min to get the phrasing right #but it's so this dyn #no splinter doesn't have a favorite child he loves them all yes april is his favorite #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

ratsuup

thinking about splinter pretty much. having to get to know his own kids when the universe gives him the kick in the head he needed to finally get re-involved in their lives. like, sure, he raised them through infancy & certainly did enough to keep them comfortable & surviving until they were toddlers, but he sort of. turned them into ipad babies before there was an ipad to speak of, setting them in front of a tv & letting children's programs entertain & teach them. by the time raph, being the oldest & largest, was capable of reining in the others in big brother mode, splinter was already starting to burn out by trying to go full steam in trying to raise them all, & day by day he just ... sorta let raph deal with his brothers in his stead, under guise of teaching responsibility, but in effect neglecting much the rest of their upbringing. he was still present, still tried to take care of them, but the days when all he could be bothered with were sleep & watching television kept outweighing those days of competence as the years went on, especially as the boys all started being able to take care of themselves & each other without splinter needing to be present.

as a result, by the time he finally resumes trying to be an active part of their lives instead of a passive thing on a recliner, he doesn't actually know his boys that well. there's the obvious surface level things, but he's barely spoken to any of them & can't clue in on any signs that the turtles would recognize among each other. there's years of inside jokes & explored topics & dreams & anxieties & habits & preferences & opinions that splinter just is not aware of. & it's a very, very slow process to try uncovering everything that he missed or ignored while wallowing in burnout & depression & self-pity.

#turbo rotating this btw............if u even care..#+ prev tags:#he was a bad parent for Most of the boys' lives & he is Painfully self-aware about that nowadays #he thought he was doing enough & was too wrapped up in his own head to realize his mistakes for many years but. he recognizes them now #he thinks it's a fucking miracle & blessing that if the boys do resent any of it they've hidden it Very well in favor of giving him like #a Million chances to make up for it all #head in hands

thinking about running from the life that was given to you, then having the life you crafted for yourself be pulled from under your feet but making the new life work for you, then growing weary of the new life & losing the spark for it & choosing to remain stagnant, then having that stability be torn from you & having every semblance of your old lives thrown in a big fire, & being thrust into a life you were in no way prepared for & trying to give it your all but being so, so, so tired from all the previous lives you've built & destroyed & had taken from you & only finding the strength to build up that last life good & proper when there's like a dozen hands helping your clumsy ones. thinking about yoshilousplinter.

#he's got so much shit goin on #wadda hell.............bulnosaur #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.#narrative.#sure. i'll tag that.

the batman vs movie is pretty recent but it feels like a bit of a distant fever dream, but every time i remember this clip i ehee ehoo

#it's like hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby but the coughing baby is a Man & the hydrogen bomb is a teenager who wont hesitate to kick his nuts #it's so silly it's wonderful #i oughta watch it some point.................#i dont think i ever saw the full thing #& in fairness the first thing that comes to mind when i think tortles & batman is cowabummer #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

@bluwei sent : ' give me a chance ! ' :') / nimona.

a parent should be pleased to have a child just like them, shouldn't they ?? splinter's own parents & grandfather wished to make him as close a copy to them as possible, didn't they ?? he failed them in that, & did not attempt to make his own sons anything more than themselves, only an eternal mourning of his mother & love of martial arts as a craft urging him to pass on any amount of tradition.

& he sees aspects of himself in each of the turtles, whether natural seeds nourished or mindsets implanted.

but his boys learned the most from an image of him as a better man in imagined scenarios projected on a screen. & leonardo learned from that man the most.

it's almost infuriating how much it is like looking at a past version of himself when dealing with the eldest. the lou jitsu seen on screen was a better man, but he was arrogant, quick to wise - crack at every pause, & always showboating. though nostalgically fond of his films, the trained part of him knows : in more realistic situations, with less plot - nerfed villains, the character he was would have been killed easily — he had to fall back on buried lessons from his grandfather & ditch the free spirit in the arena of the battle nexus, lest he wound up another splat on some yokai's weapon.

so yes, it's tiresome dealing with leonardo sometimes. often, even.

but the teen is smarter than he acts, another trait practically pulled from lou jitsu, though splinter's aware he still possesses. it was no whim that led to him placing the leadership role upon the slider, abrupt though it may have seemed. & he himself has made many mistakes. & yet his boys have given him chance after chance, even in the most dire of circumstances.

he's their teacher, he makes the rules on what's fair or not. & yet, as their father, he has to sigh.

❛ very well. show us that last - microscopic - second brilliance. ❜ his tone causes the words to reek of sarcasm, he's aware, ( & that's a sometimes frustrating similarity to find in donatello ) , but, though resigned, they're meant in earnest, expectations high as they can only be for family.

expectations are only high because he believes the bar easy for his sons to pass. ( which is why it's always disappointing when they fail. )

#bluwei #answered #hi so this got long :)#ic.

gnna be rewatching 12 n a bit of rise today to cope w The Weather n just. rotating the rat.

#hes so silly #& so punchable #& so. no. i shant say.#ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

choreom4nia

◜ 𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ◞ : a collection of prompts from the 2023 animated film 𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐀 based off the graphic novel by nd stevenson . adjust phrasing as desired ! not spoiler free .

go back to the shadows from whence you came !

if you want a happily ever after , you can never let your guard down .

hey , thinky face . look at me .

it's not what [ ] wanted .

i don't feel safe .

i'm not brooding ! i'm just - i'm thinking .

this is my thinking face .

you were better and worked harder than all of us .

but what if they still hate me ?

they're gonna love you . like i do .

did you think i was going to apologize for how i treated you ? oh my god , that's hilarious . you're so stupid , i love it .

some of us don't get the happily ever after we're looking for .

the garbage and the smell of sadness really pull the whole thing together .

wait , who are you ?

put that down !

okay , how old do you think i am ?

not a lot of kids in your life huh ?

i'm here about the job .

do you like it ?

every villain needs a sidekick .

sweet murder wall !

this guy looks extremely punchable .

you're right , he is extremely punchable .

are you saying you're not a villain ?

are you disappointed that i'm not a murderer ?

it's complicated , okay ?

i am not gonna get arrested !

i trusted you .

give me a chance !

because once everyone sees you as a villain , that's what you are .

they only ever see you one way . no matter how hard you try .

if you see anyone , hide .

that's a hard no .

something , something , something , we win !

did you see the way he looked at me ?

how could i promise you when i don't know what's about to happen ?

this is the part where you run .

you're a monster .

do not call me that !

why are you helping me ?

everybody hates you too .

i think what you mean to say is thanks for saving my life .

can you just be you please ?

i can't be seen with that !

you've been staring .

can you please just be normal for a second ?

easier for who ?

how did you get like this ?

that explains literally nothing .

you need to sit down . you're bleeding !

most people scream at that part .

i'm not people .

does it hurt at all ?

i've been through worse .

what does it feel like ?

i feel worse when i don't do it .

why did you set me up ?

they brainwashed you good .

arm chopping is not a love language !

it's how we were trained .

you should be questioning everything right now !

i've lost my mind . i've lost everything .

i never asked for that .

you lied to me about everything !

then you never knew me at all .

i've got you , kid !

i said i don't want to talk about it !

i don't need your help !

i don't know what's scarier : the fact that everyone wants to kill me ? or that sometimes , i just wanna let ' em .

we have to get you out of here.

we'll go , together .

no matter what we do we can't change the way people see us .

you changed the way you see me .

it's okay . you're safe . we're home .

let's live here forever .

i wouldn't be here if you'd stood up for me .

there is something i need to tell you .

i'm not the villain here !

i know ! i know . i believe you .

i'm sorry for everything .

we've been wrong about everything .

this was a mistake .

why can't you just leave me alone ?

because i love you .

tell me this isn't you .

where did you get that ?

you think that i would do that ? that that's who i am ?

think about everything that we've been through together !

you were using me !

you wanted them to see someone else to hate so you wouldn't be alone !

i want to hear you say it ! say it !

don't you wish you were normal ?

you know what you are !

innocent people will die .

what are we doing ?

what have i done ?

i'm sorry . i'm sorry .

i see you .

i see you . and you're not alone .

what if we're wrong ? what if we've always been wrong ?

be right back . i'm gonna go break some stuff .

it's time to rewrite the story .

come back . please come back .

maybe it's not the end of the story .

holy sh - !

#blinks w my big eyes #meme.

shelliotrope

" you said you wanted to spend time with us! you lied! " / @ratsuup gets a starter from canon

ratsuup

the intention means squat in circumstances such as these. that understanding comes to splinter a bit too late, already opening his big mouth to give excuses — ❛ i wanted to !! but it — ah ... ❜ why does it seem it was easier to weasel ( or, well, rat ) his way out of these confrontations when he allowed himself to stay wrapped up in his own mind ?? & why does he keep making the same mistakes ?? where is that wisdom that was supposed to come with age ??

#shelliotrope #ic.#mediocre father momence #he's....................... Trying :") (question mark????)

every few days i think abt the "we cant possibly all be donatello it is not mathematically possibleee" & think to myself yeah. somebody Does need to be that stupid rat. & that somebody is me hello

#smile #gnna futz here in a min <3 #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

anyway one week by bnl is Their Song

#bm & splinter if ur out there insert esh comp that evokes 'stay together to leave everyone else out of it'#theyre biting each other's heads off (romantically) in my mind #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

been thinking about Them all day & rotating this picture........

like, i'm just stuck on the fact that the background is absolutely bm's webbed lair. so this has to be from after she revealed her yokai status & yoinked splinter to the undercity. & like, we know that there was a time when lou was a Proud nexus champion, when he thoroughly enjoyed it, so it wasn't from the start that he was held entirely against his will. which just points to the fact that despite the non-answer to his proposal they clearly had some semblance of an agreement or deal & continued to have a happy relationship for a time. rotating them............

#rattling my cage for s3 for (among other things) more bm n splints content #their relationship got so fuckin messy & i wanna study it #esp coz clearly theres still some amount of love for each other there #rotating rotating rota #ooc. i'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules.

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