RIDE ALONG THE ROLLERCOASTER THAT IS MY MIND!

ENJOY!

[raw--unfiltered]

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I can’t do it. I can’t imagine a world in where I’m not the monster I’ve created in my head. It’s like asking a person that has been blind since birth to imagine what the world around them looks like. They can’t do it because all they’ve ever been is blind. You can’t ask them to imagine something they’ve never seen or known. You can’t ask me to imagine a world in where I’m not the monster I’ve created in my head because since birth I was only ever conditioned to being that monster that everyone made me out to be. You can’t expect me to know or to be able to paint a picture when I’ve never experienced it or even know what it’s suppose to look like.  We all have wants. We all have dreams, but that doesn’t mean that I believe they will ever come true. I don’t believe I am deserving of anything. I don’t believe that things will be different for me. I can’t write about a happiness I might experience in the future when I’ve never experienced it since the day I came into this world. I have learned to live with excruciating pain and it’s the only thing I’ve known so I find comfort in it.  I’ve spent years building and molding the monster I see in the mirror. Me, writing something I don’t believe in isn’t going to change that.  This monster you see has spent years in the making.  It is years of not feeling good enough. Years of abuse. Years of neglect. Years of conversion therapy. Years of drugs. Years of excruciating pain. Years of being trapped in my mind. I’ve spent most of my life wishing for something that never came true. So why bother now? My mind has created a life of its own. I just really don’t see how I can be anything other than a monster. Everyone around me may hate me but what they don’t know is that I look at myself in the mirror and hate myself even more.

[vodkakilledtheteen]

Your mouth tasted like cannabis and Jack Daniels the night you contaminated my mind with cheap love. This should’ve been warning number one but I tend to skip warnings. You see my mother always warned me about boys who are addicted to drugs and alcohol. She told me that I would just become a substance to them too, and some days I’ll just feel like an empty bottle of Jack Daniels to them and they’ll break me to pieces.

- Alexa Evangelista, the book I’ll never finish writing

[inspiration-and-motivation]

[quotejunkiie]

- Unknown

[poetryandthesea]

If you ever asked me how many times you crossed my mind or how often I thought of you, the only right thing to answer would be “just once”.

// but little would you know that you simply never left my mind j.d.m. (via poetryandthesea)

[432hzvibes]

warmth of the moon

i was attempting to explore what lies behind our perceptions and i find your essence but i’m lost in the nebulous dimensions of my thoughts and direction

i thought saw you crossing at the intersection of love and fear longing for the garden where we are free floating above societal expectations

beyond the light of rings of saturn

we’re but butterflies in the wind

Instagram: www.instagram.com/houseofcapricorn

[sunsoakedthoughts]

Never let anybody else tell you what progress is. You are the only one who knows where you’ve been and how far you’ve come. You are the only one who knows what you were up against. You are the only one who can honestly tell yourself whether or not you’re getting better. So, my love, if you walk out of that presentation thinking you killed it, and get the scoresheet back to find out you “Need more confidence” or “weren’t loud enough” or whatever else it is you struggle with, I urge you to throw that feedback to the wind. The person who gave you that score doesn’t know your life story. They weren’t there for the time in eighth grade when you had a panic attack in english before having to read your writing to the class. They didn’t watch your ninth grade class presentation during which your hands shook so much you dropped your notecards on the way back to your seat. All they know about you is what they saw that one time. They scored you off of what they believe is good, but they haven’t seen how much better you’ve gotten. Just because you aren’t up to their standards doesn’t mean you didn’t just crush your own. You are getting better. You are getting better, and just because others can’t see that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

some advice //c.r.h. (via carpelanoche)

[poetryandthesea]

Hell, how I wish you knew that when we were lying outdoors, under the stars, and our two hearts were beating the same rhythm, they were both yours.

// 28 words poem j.d.m. (via poetryandthesea)